On applications and...such.

[bitofanarse]

You are aware that most people consider me an absolute tit, and those are the people that actually like me, right?

I can't believe you think shoving me into some new places is actually going to do a lick of good.

And you know what? I'd actually like to get LAID at some point! The soldiers at Ostagar laughed at me! Tried to get me into bed with a pretty elf!

I DON'T want a pity shag, Makers breath.

I'm going to die a sodding virgin.

Maker I hate you.

Comments

[justice_is_blond]

You're still a virgin?

[bitofanarse]

*Carver groans*

Maker not you....

[justice_is_blond]

You put something like that out there, of course I'd pick up on it. I can't say I've any idea why you'd admit to that, though.

[bitofanarse]

You could have ignored it! You are such a tosser.

[justice_is_blond]

Could have, but really, why miss out? As you have. On sex, apparently, among a great many other things, including sense of humor, your brother's beard, need I go on?

[hawkethisnthat]

Andraste's sweet buttocks, I did not want to know that!

[bitofanarse]

Aaaaand of course you show up! Maker!

[hawkethisnthat]

It's just your curse, Carver. Wherever you go...

[bitofanarse]

You follow...like a bad smell....

[hawkethisnthat]

I'll have you know I bathed just last week!

[ladyspitfire]

[Oh, that's...cute.]

And that would be your first priority?

[bitofanarse]

No! Well...No! But...I haven't....and I'm a guy...

[ladyspitfire]

And so you should have a tumble before you die, is that it?

[She's teasing you, champ.]

[bitofanarse]

That'd be...I don't...

*and that stuttering, blushing bashfulness is exactly why he's never had sex*

[ladyspitfire]

[Yep, called it. Adorable.]

I don't recognize you from Ostagar. What's your name?

sorry not sorry

[daddyhawke]

[Oh. Well, he really didn't need to know that about his son, but that's okay! Here he is, ready to dispense some fatherly love and wisdom. And trolling.]

If you lay with a woman, be prepared to take responsibility should she have a child.

[A beat.] Unless you prefer to lay with a man -- not that there's anything wrong with that.

I laughed so hard

[bitofanarse]

*Oh Makers breath this was mortifying*

We are not having this conversation. Nope nope not having it...

[daddyhawke]

[There's a faint, bemused smile on his lips.] It's a fact of life, son. I'm glad I was able to have the talk with you before I fell ill.

[The smile fades. He's been told a bit of what's to come for his children.]

However, you shouldn't do something just because everyone else has. You should only be with someone when you're ready.

[bitofanarse]

Makers breath... *Carver is red and shuffling and bashful*

Look...Father I appreciate it...but I don't think you have to worry about my virtue...I don't exactly have anyone who thinks I'm worth it.

[daddyhawke]

I do. [Stern face.] So does your mother and your siblings. Never denigrate yourself, Carver.

[birchcore]

Oh I did not need to hear that, Carver.

[ although she has thought this about herself, too. she just happened to be the twin who inherited the brain-to-mouth filter. ]

You are not a.. a tit.

[bitofanarse]

Makers balls Bethy! *He does NOT squeak, he does Not*

And you've heard everyone...I am.

[birchcore]

Carver! There's no need to curse like that. [ she can't help but smile. ]

No, I think the rest of us understand you very little. I know now how hard it is to give others a chance if they don't give you one first.

I'm sorry I didn't try harder, Brother.

[bitofanarse]

I'm your twin... It was my job to protect you...from anything....

[birchcore]

And it was mine to protect you. Let us not live in the past.

We can protect each other well enough right here and now.