(no subject)

[weallfalldown]

You know, I'm really glad you're waiting a few months before you get me into the dating scene because I gotta say, as I am now? I'm not up for it.

Sure, I'll wink and smile and play it up, but that's just me. It doesn't mean too much, it's the usual flirty ole me, you know? If I don't, it'd be obvious, and I don't need Angeal asking me if I'm okay all the time. He's got enough to deal with. But the longer I'm there, the longer I think about it and the more you learn director? I think it's becoming more clear that I'm not ready for that. Every time I even think about her, there is always that question of why didn't I call her? Sure, I was on the run, but hell, I already knew the Turks were on my trail. It wouldn't have hurt me much. Just one little phone call. Cissnei was on my side...I could have...I should have.

I know I shouldn't sit around, crying over all those past mistakes. That's not like me, but damn is it hard not to. I got over some of it, but this seems to be the hardest. Or one of them.

Just, promise me I won't go on the network talking about her like that. It's not that I'm embarrassed...just, ashamed. I made her my goal when I should have made her first priority instead. And I have this sinking feeling that I'm never going to get over it. Maybe, come December or January...if she doesn't show up?

I can take his hand and we can walk that road to recovery together. Maybe.

Comments

[always_a_hero]

You probably never will get over it. I know I haven't. But even if you can't get over it, you'll still be able to move past it. It just takes time.

[weallfalldown]

That's what I figured...

It's a pretty damn big fence to jump over.

[always_a_hero]

No kidding. But you'll be able to do it. You can't rush it though. Ya got to let things settle first, and it's hard to say how long that will take.

[weallfalldown]

And being impatient doesn't help, does it? [Excuse him as he heaves a very frustrated sigh.]

Man, mama never prepared me for this. Neither did ShinRa.

[lovelessfanatic]

Having regrets about the past?

[weallfalldown]

[Oh great, its you. He'll be just fine so long as you keep poetry out of your questioning and potential monologs.]

What gave you that idea?

[lovelessfanatic]

[It's not just poetry, Zack. It's a work of art!]

Unfortunately for you, moping about it will change nothing.

[almagest]

Chained to the past, are we.

[weallfalldown]

Maybe just a little. [He indicates a little space between pointer finger and thumb to demonstrate.]

Or, yanno. A lot. Cosmo canyon sized maybe.

[almagest]

The shackles of sentimentality are just another flaw of the heart.

You would be wise to rid yourself of such worthless feelings.

[dancewaterdance]

You know, people will say that you need to hang on to that love forever, or that you need to get over it the sooner the better, or any number of things. Even I've said that - mostly trying to say what people seem to want to hear, admittedly. But truthfully, in the end it's just you left alone with your heart to deal with the fallout.

Whatever you gotta do man, you know?

[weallfalldown]

Hey, I hear you...

I mean, I could listen to people tell me that Aerith wouldn't want me to feel like that forever. She could even forgive me for it, but I dunno if that would make it any better.

When a woman writes you like, eighty letters and counting over four years and you don't even call when you're finally able to, that's when you know you fucked up real bad. And its hard to not feel like a big asshole for it.

[dancewaterdance]

I actually have no idea what that'd be like. But I'll take your word for it. In the extremely unlikely event that someone ever writes me like eighty letters in four years I'll take the first chance I get to call 'em. Good deed done in retrospect, wisdom passed on - I've heard that sometimes makes things better?

I'd say that I like you just fine, but I'm not the best judge of character so that might not help.

[iam_sephiroth]

A lot of things change, Zack.

[weallfalldown]

Yeah, don't I know it.

[iam_sephiroth]

What is that supposed to mean?

HI THERE! <3

[exaeris]

You know I wouldn't ever blame you for finding happiness, Zack. And when you were on the run...of course your first priority was elsewhere! It wasn't as if I didn't know you were coming, phone call or not. I always wondered why you headed straight into danger, really. You know they were watching me.

But still, don't let some silly notion about waiting keep you from taking another chance!

/totally just moved a friend into her apartment so SORRY FOR THE DELAY

[weallfalldown]

I guess that's true...but at the same time, I feel guilty about it. [He also feels downright stupid for just heading to Midgar in the first place. Why would he try to run from ShinRa by going towards their base?

And there was the whole, Aerith was being monitered thing too. But, he hadn't really thought about that. Apparently he hadn't thought about a lot of things.] You take this time to narrow down your list of wishes, you write all those letters. and I only get to read the last one...now if that isn't a bummer, I don't know what is.

[He makes a face, obviously not pleased with his last days of decision making skills.] It would have been nice to hear your voice though, after all that time. Even if it was just to have you tell me to give them hell.

RL > RP any time, don't worry!

[exaeris]

Ah-ah-ah, no you don't! [Leans forward, one hand on her hips, and waggles a finger admonishingly in his face.]

[bothourlives]

[So this guy might know a thing or two about trying to let go of the past.

ha. haha. ha.]

Can't spend all your time thinkin about what you should've done.

[He does anyway, though.]

[weallfalldown]

Hey, I know that one like the back of my hand, it doesn't stop me from doing it though. I feel like a huge ass when I do though.

The guilt leads to hypocrisy and that leads to feeling like an dumb ass, and then it just circles around for a few passes.

[bothourlives]

[He's never quite sat down and explained his VICIOUS CYCLES OF REGRET AND ANGST but

That about sums it up.]

I know.

Shouldn't do it though.

[whoooosshh]

... Was she that special, to you?

[weallfalldown]

Do you really think I'd be whining about it on here if she wasn't?

[whoooosshh]

... Most likely not. I did not know her for long... but I saw the sorrow she left in her wake. Wherever she went, she found a way to touch the hearts of those around her.

It was quite a gift.