dear_mun | (no subject)

You know, I'm really glad you're waiting a few months before you get me into the dating scene because I gotta say, as I am now? I'm not up for it.

Sure, I'll wink and smile and play it up, but that's just me. It doesn't mean too much, it's the usual flirty ole me, you know? If I don't, it'd be obvious, and I don't need Angeal asking me if I'm okay all the time. He's got enough to deal with. But the longer I'm there, the longer I think about it and the more you learn director? I think it's becoming more clear that I'm not ready for that. Every time I even think about her, there is always that question of why didn't I call her? Sure, I was on the run, but hell, I already knew the Turks were on my trail. It wouldn't have hurt me much. Just one little phone call. Cissnei was on my side...I could have...I should have.

I know I shouldn't sit around, crying over all those past mistakes. That's not like me, but damn is it hard not to. I got over some of it, but this seems to be the hardest. Or one of them.

Just, promise me I won't go on the network talking about her like that. It's not that I'm embarrassed...just, ashamed. I made her my goal when I should have made her first priority instead. And I have this sinking feeling that I'm never going to get over it. Maybe, come December or January...if she doesn't show up?

I can take his hand and we can walk that road to recovery together. Maybe.

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

You probably never will get over it. I know I haven't. But even if you can't get over it, you'll still be able to move past it. It just takes time.

That's what I figured...

It's a pretty damn big fence to jump over.

No kidding. But you'll be able to do it. You can't rush it though. Ya got to let things settle first, and it's hard to say how long that will take.

And being impatient doesn't help, does it? [Excuse him as he heaves a very frustrated sigh.]

Man, mama never prepared me for this. Neither did ShinRa.

Having regrets about the past?

[Oh great, its you. He'll be just fine so long as you keep poetry out of your questioning and potential monologs.]

What gave you that idea?

Not really.

Hey man, they didn't prepare either one of us for this. It would have been easier if they had, but I'm not really sure if it's something that anyone could have been prepared for. Actually, it's not even something that you expect to have to prepare for.

[It's not just poetry, Zack. It's a work of art!]

Unfortunately for you, moping about it will change nothing.

Chained to the past, are we.

Well, one of those things you hope you don't have to prepare for. But I think you and I? Well, we got served the shittiest plate of life.

I'm just glad I got seconds and it isn't quite as bad as the first one.

Hey, I try not to, but every dog has its day right? And every Zack has his day to be a downer rather than smiles and jokes.

[What ever man. Either he's a philistine or just doesn't get it.]

Maybe just a little. [He indicates a little space between pointer finger and thumb to demonstrate.]

Or, yanno. A lot. Cosmo canyon sized maybe.

You know, people will say that you need to hang on to that love forever, or that you need to get over it the sooner the better, or any number of things. Even I've said that - mostly trying to say what people seem to want to hear, admittedly. But truthfully, in the end it's just you left alone with your heart to deal with the fallout.

Whatever you gotta do man, you know?

The shackles of sentimentality are just another flaw of the heart.

You would be wise to rid yourself of such worthless feelings.

Hey, I hear you...

I mean, I could listen to people tell me that Aerith wouldn't want me to feel like that forever. She could even forgive me for it, but I dunno if that would make it any better.

When a woman writes you like, eighty letters and counting over four years and you don't even call when you're finally able to, that's when you know you fucked up real bad. And its hard to not feel like a big asshole for it.

So you've finally grown from a puppy into a dog, hm?

[He is not even going to go into how bad his seconds got. He's sure this Zack does not need that information right now.]

Man, I hope it stays better then the first round for ya. But I think as long as you stay away from evil scientists, death, and a few other things, you should be alright.

[Zack's got lots of flaws, but he doesn't think sentimentality is one of them. That's what makes him human and helps him protect his honor.]

It might be smart too, but I like my humanity, even if it gives me all this grief. So, you're wasting your breath there, man.

[It was bad enough that Angeal's mother called him Zack the puppy. You're not allowed to say it either, Genesis.]

What? Oh, come on! Angeal told you about that too?

I can't really avoid the evil scientists where I'm at, but I can sure give them hell. [Science really isn't his thing any more, not that it ever was.]

And death I'm not a fan of, though apparently the director wants to give me a real taste of it at some point. I'm not too excited, but at least it isn't permanent.

I actually have no idea what that'd be like. But I'll take your word for it. In the extremely unlikely event that someone ever writes me like eighty letters in four years I'll take the first chance I get to call 'em. Good deed done in retrospect, wisdom passed on - I've heard that sometimes makes things better?

I'd say that I like you just fine, but I'm not the best judge of character so that might not help.

Well, at least I know you won't make my same mistake. [That gets him to smile, just a little bit.]

Hey, I like you just fine too, so it'd mean something to me at least.

Man, where did you end up that you can't avoid evil scientists? You know, never mind, don't answer that. I have met way too many versions of us to even have to ask that.

And what director are you talking about? [Needs more info.]

Well, I could call her mun, but director sounds more interesting and familiar. That and she really does dictate all my movements, so it fits, right?

Man, I can't believe I never thought of that. But then again, my mun usually gives me free reign to do what I like. She's not really the dictating type when it comes to me. But just me.

Page 1 of 5