dear_mun | (no subject)

You know, I'm really glad you're waiting a few months before you get me into the dating scene because I gotta say, as I am now? I'm not up for it.

Sure, I'll wink and smile and play it up, but that's just me. It doesn't mean too much, it's the usual flirty ole me, you know? If I don't, it'd be obvious, and I don't need Angeal asking me if I'm okay all the time. He's got enough to deal with. But the longer I'm there, the longer I think about it and the more you learn director? I think it's becoming more clear that I'm not ready for that. Every time I even think about her, there is always that question of why didn't I call her? Sure, I was on the run, but hell, I already knew the Turks were on my trail. It wouldn't have hurt me much. Just one little phone call. Cissnei was on my side...I could have...I should have.

I know I shouldn't sit around, crying over all those past mistakes. That's not like me, but damn is it hard not to. I got over some of it, but this seems to be the hardest. Or one of them.

Just, promise me I won't go on the network talking about her like that. It's not that I'm embarrassed...just, ashamed. I made her my goal when I should have made her first priority instead. And I have this sinking feeling that I'm never going to get over it. Maybe, come December or January...if she doesn't show up?

I can take his hand and we can walk that road to recovery together. Maybe.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I can't really avoid the evil scientists where I'm at, but I can sure give them hell. [Science really isn't his thing any more, not that it ever was.]

And death I'm not a fan of, though apparently the director wants to give me a real taste of it at some point. I'm not too excited, but at least it isn't permanent.

Man, where did you end up that you can't avoid evil scientists? You know, never mind, don't answer that. I have met way too many versions of us to even have to ask that.

And what director are you talking about? [Needs more info.]

Well, I could call her mun, but director sounds more interesting and familiar. That and she really does dictate all my movements, so it fits, right?

Man, I can't believe I never thought of that. But then again, my mun usually gives me free reign to do what I like. She's not really the dictating type when it comes to me. But just me.

Oh man, I wish. I have my own thoughts and things, and the stuff I do is within the possible range of things I would do, but. Sometimes its pushing it and man, when it does?

Generally either painful or embarrassing.

My mun has others in her head-space that have to deal with that kind of thing, but I'm not one of them.

Something about how she gets the best results from me when I have free range, plus I'm the first one to ever take up a spot in her head-space, so I'm considered special, or something like that.

Yeah, see that spot was taken up officially by this nerdy red head. He's alright though. She just likes to think about me a lot.

And when I say a lot, I mean a lot.