Unhappy Spy is a dangerous Spy.

[not_onyourside]

I do not like zhis place anymore. Take me back to zhe ozzer one. Zhat was better. Everyone here ees cranky and irritable.

And zhey keep secrets from me. No one keeps secrets from me.

No one.

Comments

[hasstandards]

You know I hunt out here, too. S'not like Paradise is the only place with a forest or wild animals.

[not_onyourside]

Here? Where? Right now?

[Why did he suggest this?]

[hasstandards]

Yeah, right—

Wait, do you even know how to use a rifle? Because that revolver of yours ain't gonna cut it.

[not_onyourside]

Non. I have never fired one. Do I need one?

[He's not even that good with the revolver actually.]

[hasstandards]

[He thinks for half a second that maybe they should start with the knife- after all, Spy is good with a knife, right? Then he remembers that getting close enough to kill something means he's going to be able to look it in the eye, and when you're killing things that will possibly be called "cuddly," "adorable," "cute," or any combination thereof...

Yeah. That's not going to work. He pulls the rifle off his back.]

You can borrow one of mine if ya promise to be careful with it. Alright?

[not_onyourside]

[Spy would probably be much better with the knife, but Sniper is right, he wouldn't be able to stab anything adorable.]

Ees zhis a good idea?

[He takes the rifle, holding it awkwardly. It's pretty obvious that he's never fired one, let alone used one before.]

[hasstandards]

Probably not, but let's have a go at it anyway.

[He adjusts the rifle in Spy's arms, wrapping his arm over the stock with little grace and setting his hands where they're supposed to be.]

Right. You've seen me hold it, right?

[not_onyourside]

I have seen zhe BLU Sniper more often. He holds his backwards?

[This looks different to him in some way, but he's holding it and he doesn't look like he's going to fall over.]

[hasstandards]

Yeah, he's left-handed, I think.

[He pushes the barrel upward and makes another adjustment with Spy's arms.]

And when you're gonna aim, you bring it up and look through the scope like this.

[He pulls the rifle and scope up to Spy's eye level.]

[not_onyourside]

[Spy looks so awkward, but he's trying to accomplish this.]

Oh, zhat ees neat!

[Look! Everything is closer now! He slowly scans back and forth, almost smacking RED in the shoulder with the barrel.]

[hasstandards]

Oi, watch it.

[Moving a couple of inches away to dodge Spy. He puts his hands on his shoulders and turns him in one direction.]

Alright, you see that bird up there on the roof?

[not_onyourside]

[He jerks the barrel of the gun around wildly before he holds it steady.]

Oui. Bird. I see eet.

[It's a robin too. Pretty.]

[hasstandards]

Right. Go ahead.

[not_onyourside]

I just shoot eet? What do I aim for?

[He sees the little crosshairs, moving them into position over the center of the robin.]

Ees zhis gun going to hit me een zhe face when I fire eet?

[hasstandards]

Ya just fire, mate. It's not that big of a bird.

[He readjusts Spy's position one more time, getting the stock against his shoulder.]

And no, it's not gonna hit ya in the face.

[not_onyourside]

Alright.

[He takes a deep breath and fires. The recoil against his shoulder catches him by surprise and he starts upright. By beginners luck he manages to hit the bird.]

[hasstandards]

[And down the bird goes. RED grins crookedly, slapping him on the back.]

Fine shot, mate! See? It's not so bad.

[not_onyourside]

[He actually smiles.]

I did eet!

[Of course now there's a dead robin on the ground somewhere.]

[hasstandards]

[Which Sniper goes to find. He comes back with it set in his hands, the bullet having nearly blown the small bird into two pieces.]

Right. Now with a precision instrument like that, ya usually won't have a mess like this. Bird was just a bit small is all. But we'll find somethin' bigger for you next time.

[not_onyourside]

Poor zhing.

[He looks sadly at the bird.]

What do I do wez it?

[hasstandards]

Well, there's not really much left of him to practice skinnin'. I s'ppose we could find somethin'...

[He catches that sad look.]

Er. Or you could bury 'im if ya really want.

[not_onyourside]

[He nods, pulling out a red silk handkerchief and wrapping the bird up. He trots a little ways away, scooping a shallow grave and solemnly burying the tiny robin.]

And zhat ees what you do all day?

[hasstandards]

Well, I don't shoot little birds like this, no. Ya go after dangerous game. Somethin' that's a challenge.

[not_onyourside]

And what ees a challenge?

I do not zhink I am cut out for zhis.

[Because he already feels bad about the robin.]

[hasstandards]

[He's getting the same feeling.]

Right. Here's a better idea: I'll do the shooting, and you can help me skin it. How's that sound?