canon is Dragon Age II, game is Entanglement, & Anders is excited

[birdhousesoul]

Mundane!

... I don't see why I ought to call you that, actually. It's not as though I don't know your name. Should you call me character? If you want to be on a first-name basis, it ought to go both ways. What if I call you Princess Crazypants? What do you mean, I've already given that name to Roxie? That's out-of-character chat, it doesn't count ...

No, that's not why I'm mouthing off shouting going to some trouble to solicit your attention.

I want you to read this. Carefully. Have you got any idea how much I miss having a cat around? You recall that scene in Act II, when I put dishes of milk all around the Darktown clinic? I wasn't trying to be cute when I told Hawke I missed having a cat around. As difficult as this may be for you to credit, I really was trying to feed feral cats.

... Hold that thought for a moment. You can tell me about feline lactose intolerance when I've finished, all right? I've been giving cats milk for years, cream when I could get it, and not a one complained, mundane. Not a single cat.

And it's off-topic. Hush. Eyes on me, if you please.

There is a cat who is coming to our station. It is a talking cat. A cat. Who talks.

Contemplate this marvel if you will. I've not had the pleasure of regular conversation with a cat since the Wardens made me give away Ser Pounce-a-lot, and while he was a brilliant darkspawn-fighting kitty, even he did not possess the power of human speech. And Ser Pounce and I talked all the time. How much more fun will it be to speak with a cat who can reply in other than the language of meow?

I demand that you make every effort to cultivate the acquaintance of this cat. When the cat appears, I want to be nearby, or at the least, you'll have to find an NPC willing to stand on cat-lookout for me. Handwave some backstory about how I sing the praises of the feline species to everyone; that shouldn't be too hard for you to manage. I already tell everyone about mages, why not also cats? These are my two favorite topics.

One last issue, mundane, now that you've agreed. (Your silence is no doubt consent.) I understand you've spoken with the mundane of the talking cat, and that this cat will not humor my preference for using baby talk with cats. Is it true the talking cat will mock me? For a heartfelt display of affection and esteem?

Can I buy its interest with dried mackerel? Always worked with Ser Pounce-a-lot. An easygoing cat, him, happy to be stuffed in a pack and carried about the Deep Roads. This cat sounds more ... high-maintenance. But I'm willing to adapt, insofar as is possible for me.

I leave you with this final thought, mundane. If you deny me discourse with the talking cat from Kiki's Delivery Service, you'll be sorry. All those little backthreading excursions and musebox trysts? You'll not get a tag more of smut out of me if you ignore what really matters.

Cats.

That is all.

Comments

[questionablewit]

You.

And a talking cat.

Oh dear Maker have mercy. Perhaps it's just as well I don't live with you anymore. You'll never stop talking to it. You'll probably be cooing in your sleep.

[birdhousesoul]

[Anders is too thrilled about imminent talking cat to bother registering sarcasm.] I'm glad you're happy for me!

[questionablewit]

Oh, delighted. And not a little curious, especially if it's as prone to mockery as it sounds. Should be good for you.

At least if it can talk, I'll be able to explain that no, Teo won't eat it. That might have been a problem with an ordinary cat.

[birdhousesoul]

I've misgivings regarding this Jiji's penchant for sarcasm, myself. In my experience, snuggling someone is far more difficult when that someone is firing sarcastic quips at me.

I still want a housecat. Who knows but that I'll get one, yet? The Warden-Commander works in mysterious ways.

[questionablewit]

Nonsense, you've always managed that very well. And given as good as you got, might I add.

...regarding quippage, of course. [innuendo? What innuendo?]

Is your cat going to come with the naked cherubs and crown? How about a pedestal? Choirs to sing its praises?

[maiq]

M'aiq does not understand why you're so happy about talking cats. M'aiq knows many cats who speak. Wishes some would be quiet.

[birdhousesoul]

...

[M'aiq, you have done the near-impossible. You have rendered Anders speechless. He blinks. He studies M'aiq, insofar as such is possible, what with the robes the creature's wearing. Could be anything under those robes. Not that Anders is undressing a catman with his eyes. He may be an ignorant slut, or a Justice-reformed example thereof, but his affection for cats is purely platonic, thank you]

Are ... you ... a cat?

[maiq]

[ Aww, look at the pretty kitty, Anders! His tail sways. ] M'aiq is a Khajiit from Elsweyr.

[birdhousesoul]

[Curious, and tentative:] Khajiit, I've not had the pleasure of learning about, before.

[Tentative because this M'aiq could probably eat him if it — he? — wished to try. The Khajiit looks less like Ser Pounce-a-lot the kitty, more like the Ser Pounce-a-lot that Anders used to sketch in the margins of his study notes.]

Would you consider a Khajiit to be a cat?

[maiq]

M'aiq gets this question a lot. [ He removes his hood, two kitty ears springing upwards. ] Yes, Khajiit are cats, but not like the housecats people of Tamriel keep.

M'AIQ THE LIAR!!!!! <3 You win the internet.

[questionablewit]

Please don't tell him that. Please. You'll only encourage him.

[maiq]

You don't wish for M'aiq to tell him this?

[questionablewit]

Well, at least don't eat him if he tries to pet you, please.

[maiq]

M'aiq knows many wish they had glorious manes like Khajiit, but M'aiq does not like being petted.

[not_a_witch]

You like talking cats?

[She sounds amused and it's clear why since Blair gave cat ears to her human form this time to get her point across.]

[birdhousesoul]

...

[M'aiq beat you to it, so you don't get the gold medal, but you too have rendered Anders momentarily speechless. Oh, brave new Void, that hath such catpeople in it.]

I'd never met a talking cat before. I assume I ought to like them. I love talking, and I love cats.

Loving this right now xD

[not_a_witch]

Aw!

[Well Blair will however beat M'aiq to this, because the mun is pretty sure M'aiq wouldn't do this.]

I can sit on your lap while you pet me if you want~

[Yep, a cat is flirting with Anders. Granted she is currently in the form of a busty and cute woman but still.]

<3 for Blair for this, seriously. I don't know her canon but this is great

[birdhousesoul]

[Anders likes flirting. Anders likes busty women (and most of the women in Thedas seem to be busty, including old shapeshifter sorceress types and Anders' girlfriend's mother, neither of whom particularly tickles Anders' fancy, it must be said; he's simply lucky to live in a world where ample bosoms are the norm). Anders likes cats, but not in the same way he likes flirting and breasts.

He is at once intrigued and distinctly uncomfortable as the catgirl offers to ... um. Well, it seems a fairly innocent offer, on the surface? Anders reproaches himself for having such a dirty mind. He'll keep his eyes on the ears, and away from the breasts, yes?]

Oh, you don't have to sit on my lap. Not even Ser Pounce-a-lot was much of a lap-sitter. He'd more ignore me until he wanted something, and then sit on my head.

[like_a_lion]

I'm rather partial cats myself. Though I prefer lions and panthers to house cats.

augh what happened to notifs on the evening of the 12th I DO NOT KNOW

[birdhousesoul]

I've seen a real, live lion only once, in the menagerie on Geldeheim. It seemed to me a sad thing he was caged.

Wouldn't want to be anywhere nearby if he were free, mind.

[ooc: EEEEEEEEEEEEE ANDERS]

[broody_elf]

... go away.

[HEY FENRIS HOW YOU DOIN']

[birdhousesoul]

[With the typical maturity Anders reserves for conversations with Fenris:]

No, you. I was here first, just talking about cats. Don't you have something important to go ... throw on the ground, or some such activity?

[Fenfen hates]

[broody_elf]

[Of course, these are two battle tried warriors. Hard men in the face of adversity]

Cute. It continues to mystify me that you've managed to make it this far without someone cutting your head off.

[being all magey, right up in yo face]

[birdhousesoul]

[Anders pretends to study his fingernails, nonchalantly. A spark or two of lightning just may happen to fizzle from his fingertips as he does so]

Perhaps I've got nine lives.

[schrodingercat]

...just... stop talking. Forever.