dear_mun | canon is Dragon Age II, game is Entanglement, & Anders is excited

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canon is Dragon Age II, game is Entanglement, & Anders is excited

Mundane!

... I don't see why I ought to call you that, actually. It's not as though I don't know your name. Should you call me character? If you want to be on a first-name basis, it ought to go both ways. What if I call you Princess Crazypants? What do you mean, I've already given that name to Roxie? That's out-of-character chat, it doesn't count ...

No, that's not why I'm ~~mouthing off~~ ~~shouting~~ going to some trouble to solicit your attention.

I want you to read this. Carefully. Have you got any idea how much I miss having a cat around? You recall that scene in Act II, when I put dishes of milk all around the Darktown clinic? I wasn't trying to be cute when I told Hawke I missed having a cat around. As difficult as this may be for you to credit, I really was trying to feed feral cats.

... Hold that thought for a moment. You can tell me about feline lactose intolerance when I've finished, all right? I've been giving cats milk for years, cream when I could get it, and not a one complained, mundane. Not a single cat.

And it's off-topic. Hush. Eyes on me, if you please.

There is a cat who is coming to our station. It is a talking cat. A cat. Who talks.

Contemplate this marvel if you will. I've not had the pleasure of regular conversation with a cat since the Wardens made me give away Ser Pounce-a-lot, and while he was a brilliant darkspawn-fighting kitty, even he did not possess the power of human speech. And Ser Pounce and I talked all the time. How much more fun will it be to speak with a cat who can reply in other than the language of meow?

I demand that you make every effort to cultivate the acquaintance of this cat. When the cat appears, I want to be nearby, or at the least, you'll have to find an NPC willing to stand on cat-lookout for me. Handwave some backstory about how I sing the praises of the feline species to everyone; that shouldn't be too hard for you to manage. I already tell everyone about mages, why not also cats? These are my two favorite topics.

One last issue, mundane, now that you've agreed. (Your silence is no doubt consent.) I understand you've spoken with the mundane of the talking cat, and that this cat will not humor my preference for using baby talk with cats. Is it true the talking cat will mock me? For a heartfelt display of affection and esteem?

Can I buy its interest with dried mackerel? Always worked with Ser Pounce-a-lot. An easygoing cat, him, happy to be stuffed in a pack and carried about the Deep Roads. This cat sounds more ... high-maintenance. But I'm willing to adapt, insofar as is possible for me.

I leave you with this final thought, mundane. If you deny me discourse with the talking cat from Kiki's Delivery Service, you'll be sorry. All those little backthreading excursions and musebox trysts? You'll not get a tag more of smut out of me if you ignore what really matters.

Cats.

That is all.

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Assuming that by 'brilliant' you mean 'completely mad'.

[ooc: *points up* What they said *lure, lure*]

Assuming that by 'completely mad' you mean 'dead sexy'.

Hanging out in an airless space with me, my dog, and a bunch of Grey Wardens is dead sexy? You have interesting kinks. I'll grant you the me part, but the rest of it?

Erotic asphyxiation is not allowed in our love life. Just for the record.

... We have a love life? I rather thought we had an occasional-release-of-tension life.

We have a something. Love's part of it. Friendship's part of it. Occasional-release-of-tension's part of it. Copious amounts of undeniable lust is part of it. Addiction to your backrubs is probably also part of it. I could go on. "Love life" is shorter.

And yet.

And yet.

We're doing what we can, Anders. If it's not what you want, best to let me know sooner rather than later.

[His angst has a soundtrack and everything]

I'm done pretending what we want has any relevance to what we'll do.

Only you're deluding yourself if you think all the things you've listed just now don't amount to something more than we've admitted. And I'm deluding myself if I forget it's not what we used to have.

What we are to one another is a habit. You're already on your way to breaking it. Flying, in the Void? Here I'll say what I wouldn't say there: it bothers me. Yes. And not because it's risking your life, or not only that, because risking your life is something you've done on a daily basis for years, and without that will, you'd cease to be Hawke. It's the knowing if it all goes pear-shaped in that flying machine, I can't do a blighted thing to help. You'll be beyond the reach or help of healing magic.

I've never liked being helpless. Used up my share of that particular emotion early in life. And setting all that aside, or moving it aside to see what's beneath, like lifting up a rock: in a flying machine, given you won't need healing, you won't need me any more.

Edited 2012-01-19 15:34 (UTC)

[Ooh, that's a good one. And so does hers, but with more piano. And how are you able to edit things?!? How? Is it a paid account thing? Augh I miss editing]

Don't blame me for that one; I tried to make what we do more relevant to what we want, but you've cured me of asking about what you want ever again. I don't dare, not after the last answer I got.

You seem to have this idea that I deny still being in love with you, and by proxy that I deny love has any place in what we're doing. I'm the one who refused to touch you if it was on the grounds of just an occasional release of tension, remember? Of course what we're doing isn't just that. I wouldn't be doing it if it were.

It's not habit. It's not using each other to ease tension. Do you think I went to you when I found out about Karagen just because I wanted a blighted backrub? I need you for more than your healing talents, Anders. Or none of this would be happening.

All that said, there's a certain irony in this situation, you know that? Helpless is exactly how I felt those last months, along with feeling you were beyond the reach of any aid I could offer. You didn't need me anymore.

But I'm still here.

[Anders wears black on the outside, 'cause black is how he feels on the inside.~ How does he feel about his shoes? Editing is a paid account thing and he needs it because he talks too much]

Good. I meant to cure you of asking. If I could cure you of caring, we'd get somewhere; not somewhere I'd necessarily like being, but somewhere healthier for you. I'll carry Justice until the day I die, and that's closed any number of doors to me. Those doors aren't closed to you, and shouldn't be.

I'm still not sure why you went to me when you found the Ward— found Karagen. You're upset, I know that much, and I want to help if I can, except I can't tell what you need, and that's a problem, because I'm going to keep trying. You know that, don't you? It's like someone presenting with symptoms of an ailment I can't quite diagnose, and that's going to prey on me until I figure it out, as much for my own peace of mind as for the patient's sake. I'm persistent if I'm anything. The mun says 'persistent' is a secret Anders code word for 'annoying'. I'm refusing to entertain her notions. She insists Jiji will get to woo the new cat I'll be getting, too, and that just strikes me as all sorts of wrong.

And here we come to one of the hitches, one of the things you've never seemed to grasp. Those doors are closed for me. They were closed years ago. They were closed before you showed up on the station, they'd stay closed if we never spoke to each other again. I already committed myself to you, a long time ago. I'm not capable of undoing that, whether I wished it or not, whether you wish it or not. All I can do is work with it as best I can. If that means limited options than I would've had, I'll make the most of those, because they're the only options I have now.

I went to you because I was upset and wanted someone to listen to me while I tried to talk myself through things, of course. And for the comforting. Good stuff, that. And because while there's a number of things I can't trust you with, this was something I could.

And yes, I know you're persistent. Oh dear Maker no one in the multiverse knows better than I do how bloody persistent you are. (I'm as bad when I'm in the mood. How does anyone survive the two of us when we're working together on something, anyway?) I know you're going to keep prying. ~~My mun says it's good for me because no one else here knows me well enough to call me on my crap. Damn it Varric, where are you when we need you?~~

[No, seriously.]

Except you're not committed to me now. I understand that's my own doing — I'm the one who broke it, I'm the one who can't repair it — but there it is, we're not what we were, I'm not what I was. Non sum qualis eram. That's Tevinter for fuck my life. I should be encouraging you to move past me. Instead, I can't let you go.

Listening while we talk ourselves through things ... That's what we used to do for one another, all of us. Drop round one another's houses and haunts, poking at the latest bruises. How do you feel about this tragic figure from your past resurfacing? Your people disowned you, let's talk about it. So you almost killed an innocent child, are you all right, I brought you some muffins. And don't think I don't know about the chat Isabela felt the need to have with you when we first got together. The fellow at the bar, the one writing about the speed griffons? He tells me everything. (In exchange for my privileged information on griffons. Warden insignia, you know. Lots of ancient Warden lore on flying griffons.)

And yes, I will keep prying. You don't want to see what happens when I try to bake muffins out of foodbricks. You really, really don't. Teo might eat them, maybe.

Edited 2012-01-19 17:05 (UTC)

Am I not? What in all your years of knowing me makes you think I'm capable of moving past something I've committed myself to, regardless of how badly it goes wrong? Watching my ~~frankly fucked up~~relationship to my family should have demonstrated how futile that idea is. Oh, I'm still committed to you. What the fuck I can do with it is the problem, especially as you're back in no, you can't, you deserve a normal life, yadda yadda yadda mode, only this time around with sex and with even less acknowledgement that that's what you're doing. ~~My mun thinks eventually I should get pregnant just for the chaos. Except I told her if it happened, I'd find a planet and go A.W.O.L. to raise it.~~

It's what friends do for each other. Something else we were attempting to accomplish, remember? That wasn't much of a chat, you know, mostly a lot of innuendo. Did your novelist friend take notes? I swear he hung out there just to make lists of all the things Isabela said in the hopes that it would spice up his own writing.

Wait, there were muffins? When were there muffins? Why did no one ever bring me muffins? I am dejected and muffinless. How depressing. It was Merrill, wasn't it. She brought me sunflowers once but, muffins. Did they have walnuts? Because if so, I'm going to pine.

...speed griffon guy didn't tell you about that one time we played strip diamondback on a girl's night out, did he? Because if so, I want it stated that I was the only one not cheating. Even Aveline was cheating. It was not my fault. For once.

... That fact is one I've not exactly grasped, no. My mun says that apparently pregnancy plots are allowed, with mod approval. Came up in a feline context. She also says if you did fall pregnant I'd argue strenuously against going to any planet to raise it, because in the Void we're more mobile and therefore safer. Also, I'd secretly be thrilled but I would 'have a cow', not sure what that means; and would not quite know what to do with myself, which she would find hilarious, I'm sure.

I did get the bit about heartworms. It's saved me from making any vermicious references in my own attempt at verse.

There were muffins, and from Merrill, yes. So distraught was I, I accepted a blood mage's gift of baked goods. At that point it seemed I couldn't become any more compromised than I'd already made myself, therefore what harm could abominable muffins do? (They were almond poppyseed.)

Not only did I hear about strip diamondback, a strip diamondback scene appeared in his next chapter of Speed Griffon Adventures, mercifully unpublished and forever unpublishable. You'll be pleased to know your character had better luck, so he could write Isabela's character losing.

I figured not. Though I have my own difficulties with it. Still, it's there. The thought is held for much later on, not least because if I became pregnant I might not tell you, depending on what our relationship was at the time. Hence the A.W.O.L. ...my mun says she needs to just get a musebox and have done with it, whatever that means. Perhaps the cow would be to provide milk?

The heartworms live in infamy forever, as well they should.

Abominable almond poppyseed muffins. I don't have words for my envy.

So you'll have heard about the song too, then. Andraste's flaming arse. Thank the Maker I won't remember this conversation in game.

Anna's offered to help you sort through the difficulties, or rather her mun has. ~~That's for the best. I'm irritable enough without that kind of news on my mind. My mun says she'll drag me into anyone's musebox anytime, which ... doesn't inspire optimism in me.~~

... No, I didn't hear about the song. Now I'm hearing about the song.

Nathaniel will as well, I imagine. Pity Zevran isn't handy. He's been through much the same thing.

No, you aren't.

Nathaniel's a good man, and he knows Justice well. I can't say they were always best of friends, what with Justice wanting to see him hanged, but they had some deep heart-to-heart talks. It's a little disturbing to think of you hearing about what I used to be like in those days. I mean, you've already got the general sense of it. First-hand anecdotes, though? I cringe. Justice did make me a better person.

Fine, I'm not hearing about the song. That means I have to imagine the song. I have a productive imagination. ~~Exhibit A: Sebastian's Templar song.~~

Yes, there are a number of questions I'd like to ask. About you and Justice both. And actually, I know that. From what you've told me, little as it is I very much doubt I would have fallen in love with you the way you were before Justice.

Andraste's bloody...fine. It was a conspiracy, mind. I serenaded Norah. And her breasts. ~~They were pretty fantastic breasts, you must admit.~~

On the other hand, I was very pretty. And shiny. I wore lots of shiny things.

... Well, that's not embarrassing. Why didn't you just say so? I love songs about breasts. Almost as much as I love the subject of said songs. Or should that be subjects? Bother. The grammatical quandary of bosoms: impossible, but pleasant to contemplate.

You're still very pretty. Less shiny, but we could fix that. Pour glitter on your head, perhaps.

You've forgotten some aspects of this story. Like the strip diamondback part. It wasn't just a serenade. I was standing on a table, in the middle of the Hanged Man, buck naked, singing to Norah's breasts, with everyone hooting and hollering and suggesting rhymes for "perky". I didn't show my face there again for weeks.

[ooc: P.S. I can edit I'm so happy thank you. God that makes life easier.]

Edited 2012-01-21 16:30 (UTC)

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canon is Dragon Age II, game is Entanglement, & Anders is excited

[Hawke/Headdesking OTP] /threadjacks again!

[Anders/smirking OTP]

[Hawke/raised eyebrow OTP]

no subject

no subject

no subject

[Anders/angst OTP?]

[Anders/The Cure's greatest hits, OTP]

If he'd stayed in Thedas he'd have started the Goth movement next.

trendsetting apostate ITT

Feathers will become all the rage.

Feathers already are all the rage.

....that's worrying.

if by worrying you mean FABULOUS

No, I'll stick to worrying. Please let Anders never discover sequins.

You think he's never worn sequins before? if the Tevinter robe's an indication of his fashion sense

They have sequins in Thedas? Great shades of Priscilla, Q of the D!

Now all we need is an Elrond, tarted up.

Welcome to Rivendell, Mr. Anderson.

THANK YOU, I could not watch LOTR without seeing that. NOT THE ONLY ONE!

Lord no, most people had that reaction. "Agent Smith, what are you doing in my fantasy film?"