canon is Dragon Age II, game is Entanglement, & Anders is excited

[birdhousesoul]

Mundane!

... I don't see why I ought to call you that, actually. It's not as though I don't know your name. Should you call me character? If you want to be on a first-name basis, it ought to go both ways. What if I call you Princess Crazypants? What do you mean, I've already given that name to Roxie? That's out-of-character chat, it doesn't count ...

No, that's not why I'm mouthing off shouting going to some trouble to solicit your attention.

I want you to read this. Carefully. Have you got any idea how much I miss having a cat around? You recall that scene in Act II, when I put dishes of milk all around the Darktown clinic? I wasn't trying to be cute when I told Hawke I missed having a cat around. As difficult as this may be for you to credit, I really was trying to feed feral cats.

... Hold that thought for a moment. You can tell me about feline lactose intolerance when I've finished, all right? I've been giving cats milk for years, cream when I could get it, and not a one complained, mundane. Not a single cat.

And it's off-topic. Hush. Eyes on me, if you please.

There is a cat who is coming to our station. It is a talking cat. A cat. Who talks.

Contemplate this marvel if you will. I've not had the pleasure of regular conversation with a cat since the Wardens made me give away Ser Pounce-a-lot, and while he was a brilliant darkspawn-fighting kitty, even he did not possess the power of human speech. And Ser Pounce and I talked all the time. How much more fun will it be to speak with a cat who can reply in other than the language of meow?

I demand that you make every effort to cultivate the acquaintance of this cat. When the cat appears, I want to be nearby, or at the least, you'll have to find an NPC willing to stand on cat-lookout for me. Handwave some backstory about how I sing the praises of the feline species to everyone; that shouldn't be too hard for you to manage. I already tell everyone about mages, why not also cats? These are my two favorite topics.

One last issue, mundane, now that you've agreed. (Your silence is no doubt consent.) I understand you've spoken with the mundane of the talking cat, and that this cat will not humor my preference for using baby talk with cats. Is it true the talking cat will mock me? For a heartfelt display of affection and esteem?

Can I buy its interest with dried mackerel? Always worked with Ser Pounce-a-lot. An easygoing cat, him, happy to be stuffed in a pack and carried about the Deep Roads. This cat sounds more ... high-maintenance. But I'm willing to adapt, insofar as is possible for me.

I leave you with this final thought, mundane. If you deny me discourse with the talking cat from Kiki's Delivery Service, you'll be sorry. All those little backthreading excursions and musebox trysts? You'll not get a tag more of smut out of me if you ignore what really matters.

Cats.

That is all.

Comments

[questionablewit]

You.

And a talking cat.

Oh dear Maker have mercy. Perhaps it's just as well I don't live with you anymore. You'll never stop talking to it. You'll probably be cooing in your sleep.

[maiq]

M'aiq does not understand why you're so happy about talking cats. M'aiq knows many cats who speak. Wishes some would be quiet.

[birdhousesoul]

[Anders is too thrilled about imminent talking cat to bother registering sarcasm.] I'm glad you're happy for me!

[birdhousesoul]

...

[M'aiq, you have done the near-impossible. You have rendered Anders speechless. He blinks. He studies M'aiq, insofar as such is possible, what with the robes the creature's wearing. Could be anything under those robes. Not that Anders is undressing a catman with his eyes. He may be an ignorant slut, or a Justice-reformed example thereof, but his affection for cats is purely platonic, thank you]

Are ... you ... a cat?

[maiq]

[ Aww, look at the pretty kitty, Anders! His tail sways. ] M'aiq is a Khajiit from Elsweyr.

[questionablewit]

Oh, delighted. And not a little curious, especially if it's as prone to mockery as it sounds. Should be good for you.

At least if it can talk, I'll be able to explain that no, Teo won't eat it. That might have been a problem with an ordinary cat.

[birdhousesoul]

I've misgivings regarding this Jiji's penchant for sarcasm, myself. In my experience, snuggling someone is far more difficult when that someone is firing sarcastic quips at me.

I still want a housecat. Who knows but that I'll get one, yet? The Warden-Commander works in mysterious ways.

[birdhousesoul]

[Curious, and tentative:] Khajiit, I've not had the pleasure of learning about, before.

[Tentative because this M'aiq could probably eat him if it — he? — wished to try. The Khajiit looks less like Ser Pounce-a-lot the kitty, more like the Ser Pounce-a-lot that Anders used to sketch in the margins of his study notes.]

Would you consider a Khajiit to be a cat?

[maiq]

M'aiq gets this question a lot. [ He removes his hood, two kitty ears springing upwards. ] Yes, Khajiit are cats, but not like the housecats people of Tamriel keep.

M'AIQ THE LIAR!!!!! <3 You win the internet.

[questionablewit]

Please don't tell him that. Please. You'll only encourage him.

[questionablewit]

Nonsense, you've always managed that very well. And given as good as you got, might I add.

...regarding quippage, of course. [innuendo? What innuendo?]

Is your cat going to come with the naked cherubs and crown? How about a pedestal? Choirs to sing its praises?

[maiq]

You don't wish for M'aiq to tell him this?

[birdhousesoul]

[Kitty ears. Oh, Maker, Anders, control your itching fingers. Those ears are not for scritching. They belong to a large and powerful predator.]

Do you like dried mackerel?

[Famous last words?]

[birdhousesoul]

My cat should have all the proper accessories befitting a cat, not excluding cherubs, crown, pedestal, and choirs. It will also need weaponry.

[maiq]

M'aiq wishes he had a fishy stick instead, but mackerel will do.

[questionablewit]

Well, at least don't eat him if he tries to pet you, please.

[questionablewit]

I seem to remember you being insulted when Merrill asked if Ser Pounce-a-lot had a sword, or a hat with a feather.

[maiq]

M'aiq knows many wish they had glorious manes like Khajiit, but M'aiq does not like being petted.

[birdhousesoul]

I could skewer some fish on a stick. Somehow I get the feeling it's not what you have in mind.

[What a cat has in mind. Anders has always wondered about the thoughts of cats. So many questions, M'aiq, you do not even know. And now you will confound him with your cryptic remarks about fishy sticks, werewolves, the inability to destroy buildings, and the undesirability of levitation. Being Anders is suffering, once again.]

What do you think of housecats? Do you like them? Is it morally offensive to you that we keep them?

[birdhousesoul]

I don't like being mocked. Who does? [He may pout if you keep this up.] She made it sound as though it would be silly to give him a sword or a hat with a feather. I think that green knit tunic of hers would've looked better on him, quite frankly, if he weren't in Amaranthine, and if he'd put up with it.

[questionablewit]

You don't like being mocked so you intend to befriend a talking cat who does little else? Interesting logic. [She fears no pouts]

But I think you're forgetting that this was Merrill. She probably meant it.

[Someone introduce Anders to Puss-in-Boots, please]

[birdhousesoul]

Yes, and I keep following you about, too, despite said aversion to mockery. Clearly I'm a glutton for punishment.

[questionablewit]

I call you a masochist for good reasons.

Though truthfully I think you just enjoy the challenge.

[birdhousesoul]

That's not all I enjoy.

[questionablewit]

No, there's also feathers, fireballs, and foreplay.