canon is Dragon Age II, game is Entanglement, & Anders is excited

[birdhousesoul]

Mundane!

... I don't see why I ought to call you that, actually. It's not as though I don't know your name. Should you call me character? If you want to be on a first-name basis, it ought to go both ways. What if I call you Princess Crazypants? What do you mean, I've already given that name to Roxie? That's out-of-character chat, it doesn't count ...

No, that's not why I'm mouthing off shouting going to some trouble to solicit your attention.

I want you to read this. Carefully. Have you got any idea how much I miss having a cat around? You recall that scene in Act II, when I put dishes of milk all around the Darktown clinic? I wasn't trying to be cute when I told Hawke I missed having a cat around. As difficult as this may be for you to credit, I really was trying to feed feral cats.

... Hold that thought for a moment. You can tell me about feline lactose intolerance when I've finished, all right? I've been giving cats milk for years, cream when I could get it, and not a one complained, mundane. Not a single cat.

And it's off-topic. Hush. Eyes on me, if you please.

There is a cat who is coming to our station. It is a talking cat. A cat. Who talks.

Contemplate this marvel if you will. I've not had the pleasure of regular conversation with a cat since the Wardens made me give away Ser Pounce-a-lot, and while he was a brilliant darkspawn-fighting kitty, even he did not possess the power of human speech. And Ser Pounce and I talked all the time. How much more fun will it be to speak with a cat who can reply in other than the language of meow?

I demand that you make every effort to cultivate the acquaintance of this cat. When the cat appears, I want to be nearby, or at the least, you'll have to find an NPC willing to stand on cat-lookout for me. Handwave some backstory about how I sing the praises of the feline species to everyone; that shouldn't be too hard for you to manage. I already tell everyone about mages, why not also cats? These are my two favorite topics.

One last issue, mundane, now that you've agreed. (Your silence is no doubt consent.) I understand you've spoken with the mundane of the talking cat, and that this cat will not humor my preference for using baby talk with cats. Is it true the talking cat will mock me? For a heartfelt display of affection and esteem?

Can I buy its interest with dried mackerel? Always worked with Ser Pounce-a-lot. An easygoing cat, him, happy to be stuffed in a pack and carried about the Deep Roads. This cat sounds more ... high-maintenance. But I'm willing to adapt, insofar as is possible for me.

I leave you with this final thought, mundane. If you deny me discourse with the talking cat from Kiki's Delivery Service, you'll be sorry. All those little backthreading excursions and musebox trysts? You'll not get a tag more of smut out of me if you ignore what really matters.

Cats.

That is all.

Comments

[Or the Templars/Fenris' Lyrium fics]

[broody_elf]

[He's just enjoying the fact that he's pushing your buttons now]

You fail to see any comparison? Can you honestly tell me that you don't see any comparison?

[or please-punish-me-I-am-a-horrible-abomination, the burning ooc woe of it]

[birdhousesoul]

[It's ridiculously easy to push Anders' buttons, isn't it?]

You know the peculiar thing about blood magic? It requires blood. So, no, I don't see any comparison. I've never had an interest in cutting myself.

[And thus fanon is refuted: Anders isn't an emo painslut desperate for punishment! ... Emo, maybe, yes, but not the rest!]

Sorry to disappoint. [Sneering.]

[oh yes, let us hold each other and weep]

[broody_elf]

[This Fenfen sided with the Mages. Well... with mage!Hawke and the mages. Mostly Mage!Hawke]

You're hardly sorry to disappoint, Anders. That's part of what is so damned annoying about you.

[imagines Templars snuffling along Fenris' arm like truffle-hunting pigs]

[birdhousesoul]

[Ruefully:] And after all the work I've done to keep expectations low.

[It was so like that you have no idea. I should find it again]

[broody_elf]

Well keep fighting the good fight, mage.

[Fenris/Samson OTP?]

[birdhousesoul]

[Anders actually laughs. A short, curt laugh, but it's laughter.]

You know the funny thing? Actually, I'm already doing just that.

[Fenris/Wine OTP! :D ]

[broody_elf]

[Fenris looks to the side, because he is certainly not smiling with Anders. That will NEVER happen. So it's not. ]

Where in the name of the Maker are you all?

[Anders/the sound of his own voice OTP]

[birdhousesoul]

[Of course it's not. Surely Fenris never smiles unless he's got at least a bottle of Agreggio Pavali in his system, or unless Anders is losing at Wicked Grace. Wait, Anders loses at Wicked Grace all the time.]

We're in the Void, floating about. I'm not being sarcastic. Some Grey Wardens, Hawke, her dog, and me. It's brilliant.

[ooc: at entanglement_rp — this Anders is there, as is the Hawke who's in this post, questionablewit, and Martin Septim from Elder Scrolls: Oblivion who's been chatting you up in your other post. Consensus is, you are awesome, we would love to lure you in. Our Hawke is a sarcastic/charming rogue, but you could keep your mage!Hawke headcanon if you liked; it's possible for characters to be from slightly divergent universes.]

[Hawke/Headdesking OTP] /threadjacks again!

[questionablewit]

Assuming that by 'brilliant' you mean 'completely mad'.

[ooc: *points up* What they said *lure, lure*]

[Anders/smirking OTP]

[birdhousesoul]

Assuming that by 'completely mad' you mean 'dead sexy'.

[Hawke/raised eyebrow OTP]

[questionablewit]

Hanging out in an airless space with me, my dog, and a bunch of Grey Wardens is dead sexy? You have interesting kinks. I'll grant you the me part, but the rest of it?

Erotic asphyxiation is not allowed in our love life. Just for the record.

[birdhousesoul]

... We have a love life? I rather thought we had an occasional-release-of-tension life.

[questionablewit]

We have a something. Love's part of it. Friendship's part of it. Occasional-release-of-tension's part of it. Copious amounts of undeniable lust is part of it. Addiction to your backrubs is probably also part of it. I could go on. "Love life" is shorter.

[birdhousesoul]

And yet.

[Anders/angst OTP?]

[questionablewit]

And yet.

We're doing what we can, Anders. If it's not what you want, best to let me know sooner rather than later.

[Anders/The Cure's greatest hits, OTP]

[birdhousesoul]

[His angst has a soundtrack and everything]

I'm done pretending what we want has any relevance to what we'll do.

Only you're deluding yourself if you think all the things you've listed just now don't amount to something more than we've admitted. And I'm deluding myself if I forget it's not what we used to have.

What we are to one another is a habit. You're already on your way to breaking it. Flying, in the Void? Here I'll say what I wouldn't say there: it bothers me. Yes. And not because it's risking your life, or not only that, because risking your life is something you've done on a daily basis for years, and without that will, you'd cease to be Hawke. It's the knowing if it all goes pear-shaped in that flying machine, I can't do a blighted thing to help. You'll be beyond the reach or help of healing magic.

I've never liked being helpless. Used up my share of that particular emotion early in life. And setting all that aside, or moving it aside to see what's beneath, like lifting up a rock: in a flying machine, given you won't need healing, you won't need me any more.

If he'd stayed in Thedas he'd have started the Goth movement next.

[questionablewit]

[Ooh, that's a good one. And so does hers, but with more piano. And how are you able to edit things?!? How? Is it a paid account thing? Augh I miss editing]

Don't blame me for that one; I tried to make what we do more relevant to what we want, but you've cured me of asking about what you want ever again. I don't dare, not after the last answer I got.

You seem to have this idea that I deny still being in love with you, and by proxy that I deny love has any place in what we're doing. I'm the one who refused to touch you if it was on the grounds of just an occasional release of tension, remember? Of course what we're doing isn't just that. I wouldn't be doing it if it were.

It's not habit. It's not using each other to ease tension. Do you think I went to you when I found out about Karagen just because I wanted a blighted backrub? I need you for more than your healing talents, Anders. Or none of this would be happening.

All that said, there's a certain irony in this situation, you know that? Helpless is exactly how I felt those last months, along with feeling you were beyond the reach of any aid I could offer. You didn't need me anymore.

But I'm still here.

trendsetting apostate ITT

[birdhousesoul]

[Anders wears black on the outside, 'cause black is how he feels on the inside.~ How does he feel about his shoes? Editing is a paid account thing and he needs it because he talks too much]

Good. I meant to cure you of asking. If I could cure you of caring, we'd get somewhere; not somewhere I'd necessarily like being, but somewhere healthier for you. I'll carry Justice until the day I die, and that's closed any number of doors to me. Those doors aren't closed to you, and shouldn't be.

I'm still not sure why you went to me when you found the Ward— found Karagen. You're upset, I know that much, and I want to help if I can, except I can't tell what you need, and that's a problem, because I'm going to keep trying. You know that, don't you? It's like someone presenting with symptoms of an ailment I can't quite diagnose, and that's going to prey on me until I figure it out, as much for my own peace of mind as for the patient's sake. I'm persistent if I'm anything. The mun says 'persistent' is a secret Anders code word for 'annoying'. I'm refusing to entertain her notions. She insists Jiji will get to woo the new cat I'll be getting, too, and that just strikes me as all sorts of wrong.

[EEE A GAME YAY FENRIS WILL HATE IT]

[broody_elf]

Floating.

[ooc: looks like I'm apping a game this weekend! :D]

[HOLY CRAP ALL THE EXCITEMENT]

[birdhousesoul]

Yes, floating. We can't exactly fall down, what with there being nothing to fall into.

[so awesome, we've been hoping you would! I'm not a Fenders shipper, in case these two lovebirds hadn't already made that plain *looks askance at Anders and Hawke* but I do have a musebox and am willing to take on the challenge in AU form, if it's something you're after. I confess, Fenders is a ship I've never been able to rationalize in fanfic/fanon, what with the burning mutual hatred, but. I like challenges. *g*]

[Totally OOC, and I DO NOT CARE]

[broody_elf]

[My take on Fenris and Anders is that Fenris hates sleeping in the room/tent next to Hawke and Anders, they are loud and he wants them both to blow up. Then he feels bad about wishing Hawke blowing up. So then he just wishes Anders will blow up twice.

I WOULD like the two to eventually turn the constant bickering into a form of comradery, but that'll take a lot of work. Fenris respects Hawke too much to kill Anders at this point.

That being said, I'm FedEx for every fandom I've ever been in. (I ship everything if given the right setting)]

[OOC and I REGRET NOTHING]

[birdhousesoul]

[That is perfect. Also hilarious. Oh, Fenris. <3

Anders: *was supposed to blow up twice, but Chantry blows up instead*]

[also totally ooc and ALL THE SQUEEING YAY FENRIS]

[questionablewit]

[Isabela's Feastday gift to all Hawke: whipped cream. Isabela's Feastday gift to all Hawke's friends: earplugs.]

Re: [also totally ooc and ALL THE SQUEEING YAY FENRIS]

[broody_elf]

[Fenris would have not minded and invite to that one]

Re: [Anders/the sound of his own voice OTP]

[broody_elf]

[writing ap nooooowwwww]