canon is Dragon Age II, game is Entanglement, & Anders is excited

[birdhousesoul]

Mundane!

... I don't see why I ought to call you that, actually. It's not as though I don't know your name. Should you call me character? If you want to be on a first-name basis, it ought to go both ways. What if I call you Princess Crazypants? What do you mean, I've already given that name to Roxie? That's out-of-character chat, it doesn't count ...

No, that's not why I'm mouthing off shouting going to some trouble to solicit your attention.

I want you to read this. Carefully. Have you got any idea how much I miss having a cat around? You recall that scene in Act II, when I put dishes of milk all around the Darktown clinic? I wasn't trying to be cute when I told Hawke I missed having a cat around. As difficult as this may be for you to credit, I really was trying to feed feral cats.

... Hold that thought for a moment. You can tell me about feline lactose intolerance when I've finished, all right? I've been giving cats milk for years, cream when I could get it, and not a one complained, mundane. Not a single cat.

And it's off-topic. Hush. Eyes on me, if you please.

There is a cat who is coming to our station. It is a talking cat. A cat. Who talks.

Contemplate this marvel if you will. I've not had the pleasure of regular conversation with a cat since the Wardens made me give away Ser Pounce-a-lot, and while he was a brilliant darkspawn-fighting kitty, even he did not possess the power of human speech. And Ser Pounce and I talked all the time. How much more fun will it be to speak with a cat who can reply in other than the language of meow?

I demand that you make every effort to cultivate the acquaintance of this cat. When the cat appears, I want to be nearby, or at the least, you'll have to find an NPC willing to stand on cat-lookout for me. Handwave some backstory about how I sing the praises of the feline species to everyone; that shouldn't be too hard for you to manage. I already tell everyone about mages, why not also cats? These are my two favorite topics.

One last issue, mundane, now that you've agreed. (Your silence is no doubt consent.) I understand you've spoken with the mundane of the talking cat, and that this cat will not humor my preference for using baby talk with cats. Is it true the talking cat will mock me? For a heartfelt display of affection and esteem?

Can I buy its interest with dried mackerel? Always worked with Ser Pounce-a-lot. An easygoing cat, him, happy to be stuffed in a pack and carried about the Deep Roads. This cat sounds more ... high-maintenance. But I'm willing to adapt, insofar as is possible for me.

I leave you with this final thought, mundane. If you deny me discourse with the talking cat from Kiki's Delivery Service, you'll be sorry. All those little backthreading excursions and musebox trysts? You'll not get a tag more of smut out of me if you ignore what really matters.

Cats.

That is all.

Comments

[tragic and INEVITABLE betrayal. SEBASTIAN WAS RIGHT]

[birdhousesoul]

I'm not dragging her into anything. [Anders looks sulky. Perhaps he'd like to be dragging her into something.]

I'm surprised to see you here, or anywhere. Why haven't you taken up Choirboy on his fantastic offer? It'd be a fulfilling life, teaching the Starkhaven militia how to find their own arses.

[Wait that was Fenris' sister]

[broody_elf]

I don't want to know what goes on in your head. I have no desire to tag along on his insanity anymore than I wanted to tag along with yours.

[For the record, Fenris, your sister is hot]

[birdhousesoul]

You'd be surprised what goes on in my head. You call it insanity; I call it justice.

[For the record, Anders, you suck]

[broody_elf]

I don't know how surprised I would be. You do realize that the voice in your head actually is Justice?

So yes, your insanity is called Justice.

[For the record, Fenris, you only wish Anders would suck]

[birdhousesoul]

[Have the scowliest scowl. Not the broodiest, but it's pretty dark!]

He's not a voice in my head. But look at me, talking to you as though you could be expected to understand. How silly of me.

[I believe Varric wrote extensively on the topic]

[broody_elf]

I understand perfectly well. You and Merrill should have a tea party.

[Varric and half the interwebs. Then there's the lyrium-licking fetish]

[birdhousesoul]

Don't compare me to a blood mage. Even you should know the difference, whether you choose to acknowledge it or not.

[Or the Templars/Fenris' Lyrium fics]

[broody_elf]

[He's just enjoying the fact that he's pushing your buttons now]

You fail to see any comparison? Can you honestly tell me that you don't see any comparison?

[or please-punish-me-I-am-a-horrible-abomination, the burning ooc woe of it]

[birdhousesoul]

[It's ridiculously easy to push Anders' buttons, isn't it?]

You know the peculiar thing about blood magic? It requires blood. So, no, I don't see any comparison. I've never had an interest in cutting myself.

[And thus fanon is refuted: Anders isn't an emo painslut desperate for punishment! ... Emo, maybe, yes, but not the rest!]

Sorry to disappoint. [Sneering.]

[oh yes, let us hold each other and weep]

[broody_elf]

[This Fenfen sided with the Mages. Well... with mage!Hawke and the mages. Mostly Mage!Hawke]

You're hardly sorry to disappoint, Anders. That's part of what is so damned annoying about you.

[imagines Templars snuffling along Fenris' arm like truffle-hunting pigs]

[birdhousesoul]

[Ruefully:] And after all the work I've done to keep expectations low.

[It was so like that you have no idea. I should find it again]

[broody_elf]

Well keep fighting the good fight, mage.

[Fenris/Samson OTP?]

[birdhousesoul]

[Anders actually laughs. A short, curt laugh, but it's laughter.]

You know the funny thing? Actually, I'm already doing just that.

[Fenris/Wine OTP! :D ]

[broody_elf]

[Fenris looks to the side, because he is certainly not smiling with Anders. That will NEVER happen. So it's not. ]

Where in the name of the Maker are you all?

[Anders/the sound of his own voice OTP]

[birdhousesoul]

[Of course it's not. Surely Fenris never smiles unless he's got at least a bottle of Agreggio Pavali in his system, or unless Anders is losing at Wicked Grace. Wait, Anders loses at Wicked Grace all the time.]

We're in the Void, floating about. I'm not being sarcastic. Some Grey Wardens, Hawke, her dog, and me. It's brilliant.

[ooc: at entanglement_rp — this Anders is there, as is the Hawke who's in this post, questionablewit, and Martin Septim from Elder Scrolls: Oblivion who's been chatting you up in your other post. Consensus is, you are awesome, we would love to lure you in. Our Hawke is a sarcastic/charming rogue, but you could keep your mage!Hawke headcanon if you liked; it's possible for characters to be from slightly divergent universes.]

[Hawke/Headdesking OTP] /threadjacks again!

[questionablewit]

Assuming that by 'brilliant' you mean 'completely mad'.

[ooc: *points up* What they said *lure, lure*]

[Anders/smirking OTP]

[birdhousesoul]

Assuming that by 'completely mad' you mean 'dead sexy'.

[Hawke/raised eyebrow OTP]

[questionablewit]

Hanging out in an airless space with me, my dog, and a bunch of Grey Wardens is dead sexy? You have interesting kinks. I'll grant you the me part, but the rest of it?

Erotic asphyxiation is not allowed in our love life. Just for the record.

[birdhousesoul]

... We have a love life? I rather thought we had an occasional-release-of-tension life.

[EEE A GAME YAY FENRIS WILL HATE IT]

[broody_elf]

Floating.

[ooc: looks like I'm apping a game this weekend! :D]

[HOLY CRAP ALL THE EXCITEMENT]

[birdhousesoul]

Yes, floating. We can't exactly fall down, what with there being nothing to fall into.

[so awesome, we've been hoping you would! I'm not a Fenders shipper, in case these two lovebirds hadn't already made that plain *looks askance at Anders and Hawke* but I do have a musebox and am willing to take on the challenge in AU form, if it's something you're after. I confess, Fenders is a ship I've never been able to rationalize in fanfic/fanon, what with the burning mutual hatred, but. I like challenges. *g*]

[Totally OOC, and I DO NOT CARE]

[broody_elf]

[My take on Fenris and Anders is that Fenris hates sleeping in the room/tent next to Hawke and Anders, they are loud and he wants them both to blow up. Then he feels bad about wishing Hawke blowing up. So then he just wishes Anders will blow up twice.

I WOULD like the two to eventually turn the constant bickering into a form of comradery, but that'll take a lot of work. Fenris respects Hawke too much to kill Anders at this point.

That being said, I'm FedEx for every fandom I've ever been in. (I ship everything if given the right setting)]

[OOC and I REGRET NOTHING]

[birdhousesoul]

[That is perfect. Also hilarious. Oh, Fenris. <3

Anders: *was supposed to blow up twice, but Chantry blows up instead*]

[also totally ooc and ALL THE SQUEEING YAY FENRIS]

[questionablewit]

[Isabela's Feastday gift to all Hawke: whipped cream. Isabela's Feastday gift to all Hawke's friends: earplugs.]

Re: [Anders/the sound of his own voice OTP]

[broody_elf]

[writing ap nooooowwwww]