dear_mun | you only THINK you know me

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you only THINK you know me

I think we both know why you can't find a suitable place for me.

Because you know what I'll do when I'm in.~

Oh, it will be grand, I assure you. I'll be running the show within a week - the poor, stupid brutes dancing upon command. Dare I even say, they'll be fawning over me, their rightful, glorious hero and savior.

...

Fine then. A compromise. Set me free, and I'll leave the unwashed masses alone. Despite how much better I could make their silly little lives, I promise to stay out of sight and simply resolve whatever trivial matter that plagues their world. Let it never be said that I cannot make concessions.

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It's probably more likely that you're not going anywhere because of the chance that you'll run into someone from our world who isn't holding the idiot ball and they'll figure out you're not me in five seconds.

Parker? Ahhh, yes, all these multiple realities bumping into one another. Charming.

We've had this discussion, boy. You had your chance - I am the better man. Perhaps our friends (the ones holding the 'idiot ball', was it?) have not questioned things because they simply like me better.

...if you actually believe that they like you more than me, you're even more delusional than usual.

Let's not forget Reed, Sue, Ben, and Johnny aren't around. I can come up with plausible reasons for pretty much everyone else not figuring it out before now, but if they were back home your act would completely implode.

Spare me - Reed Richards is one of the few men, alive or dead, that I have even a modicum of respect for, but even he would never discern the truth, much less the others.

Once again, the lack of proper respect stemming from the community of 'heroes' works to my advantage. The situation of my switching minds with you is so implausible to them that they will never even pause to consider that Doctor Octopus would have pulled off such a stunning victory. I suppose, to be fair, my weak old self had its share of bad habits, but my genius cannot be denied.

To them, this is just a strange new attitude. They'll simply come to accept it to the best.

Admittedly, my relationship with the rest of the community has been kinda chaotic over the years, but not with them. I've known them for years. They're in on the secret. When everyone thought Johnny was dead, his will gave me his spot on the team. I play poker with Ben. Reed and Sue trust me with their kids. Franklin and Valeria call me Uncle Peter.

I might not have a great relationship with everyone else, but those four are family to me just as much as Aunt May is. And unlike Aunt May, they know everything about my life. How long do you think your acting skills will last against them?

Also, if I had to guess? Reed won't be the one who figures it out. Valeria will.

Edited 2013-10-23 21:52 (UTC)

You addled little fool. Bringing up May was the worst mistake you could have made.

This dear, sweet, saint of a woman has never been prouder of or happier with 'Peter Parker' since I took control of this body - this life. I've seen your memories, boy, so I know how often you let her down and took her for granted. You let yourself get distracted far too easily with trivial matters. You missed dinners, birthdays, special events. How many times did you forget simple things like picking her up from physical therapy? After you allowed her to take a bullet meant for you?

I can make time to fight the criminal element AND be there for her. I never had a nurturing family growing up, Parker, so I will be damned if I let one like this go to waste.

Says the guy who was partly responsible for her nearly dying, Mr. I'm Going To Steal An Experimental Medication And I Don't Care If Anyone Actually Needs It. I know I the blood transfusion wasn't a great plan, but I fixed it, whereas you just made things worse.

And I'm from an alternate reality. Made it to my wedding about the same time MJ did. Aunt May knows the secret, and I've done my best to make up for my earlier screwups. Also, I'm not stupid enough to reveal my identity on national TV no matter what Tony tells me.

Regardless of what reality you come from, if you can recognize that you've compiled this mountain of mistakes, then you should be the first to realize the good that I'm doing now. If you don't get in my way, perhaps I can set right this comedy of errors you've called a life.

Yeah, I don't think Jester and Screwball would really agree with you on that.

No, they wouldn't. I know all too well that you never do from that perspective.

But now those two won't be hacking into innocent people's computers, stealing their information and money, will they?

Which isn't the reason you did it. No, you did it because they smashed your lenses and you decided to take out your psychological issues about being bullied on them. Exactly how I would've reacted.

Wait, no, I spent my childhood and school years being bullied, dealt with it constructively, forgave my primary tormentor, and actually made friends with him.

Edited 2013-10-23 23:24 (UTC)

Schoolyard bullies are not the same as costumed criminals! There is an enormous difference between a child with a few social issues and a pair of high-tech crooks who are ruining countless lives. Their's is an elevated level of danger, and it deserves an elevated level of response.

And it does not matter what they did to my lenses; that only accelerated an inevitable confrontation. I was going to shut down their operation one way or another - they chose the path of violence.

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[SCOFF!]

Honestly. No respect for the guy who's done the most with you out of them all? C'mon, Pete, Valeria's got the brains but I'm the one who knows you.

Stay OUT of this, you flammable fool.

And then there's you, you mindsucking jackass. Honestly, do you think we don't see this all the damn time? Doc Doom does that trick with a wave of his hand, I married a Skrull infiltrator, and the back thing is just WAY too obvious.

[That said, he'd suspected something similar from Spidey when Iron Man gave him a similar suit in the Civil War, but the blatant fanboy worship of Captain America just proved too damn Peter.

Also, he's suddenly tossing a fireball up and down.] Thing is, Pete's the kind of friend who's fun to roughhouse with... so I got no problem with getting his body back in 'less than mint' condition.

Doom? Far too much of a coward to do anything of the sort himself - he'll sent a robot duplicate long before he has the spine. Don't compare me to that second-rate dictator.

[The piercing claws on his fingertips emerge and extend, as do those mechanized 'legs' from his back.]

Do not test my patience, Storm. I have no desire to fight you - but should you make such a mistake, I will leave you as naught but a pile of smoldering ashes.

Wow, dumb and pretentious. No wonder Pete always made fun of you. You do remember that it took him like 5 seconds to wipe the floor with you, right? And another 15 to handle the rest of your 'Sinister Six'- which, by the way? Sad case of fanboyism. I know our team is awesome, but did you have to be so pathetically obvious who you were ripping off? C'mon, at least the 'Frightful Four' were trying to be our nemeses. [Which, well, Wizard. Need he say more?]

Big talk from the B-lister. I wrestle galaxy-ending hypertyrants on my day off, and you think you can take me in somebody else's skin? FLAME ON! [And he's ignited and in the air, ready to do this up right.] The real deal couldn't do it, so let's see what the knock-off can try.

Ugh. Spare me this trite. You wouldn't know how our battles went, you vacuous little brat.

And you certainly can't expect me to believe you have any success in those 'wrestling' matches. It isn't you that manage to defeat the likes of cosmic threats - it's your team. So spare me your childish goading as well.

I'm more than a match for you in this body, regardless of who the original owner was. My intellect and Parker's physical prowess are a match made in heaven. But no, I won't singe my gloves on the likes of you.

[Reaching towards his wrist, he presses a small button there in the center of the gauntlet. Nothing visible happens.]

Attack if you like, but this is your last warning: I will defend myself.

Do anything to him and, my body or not, I will beat the crap out of you. Should be a nice change from me metaphorically beating myself up.

[Little known fact. Spider-Sense registers genetic duplicates as non-threats. Peter can compensate. Can Otto?]

First, might want to keep your teammates from blabbermouthing. Especially Sandman. Second, you mispronounced 'tripe.' I'd expect more from a guy who constantly announces himself to be a 'doctor!'

Sorry, which of us actually gets out into space, time, and the Negative Zone on a regular basis? Yeah, that's what I thought. So when I go out on my own and overthrow Annihilus or take on a Celestial or ten, I don't need to hear some mouth-breathing bodysnatcher telling me what I do and don't manage.

And Heaven? I've been there, which is more than you'll ever be able to say. Now give me the best you've got. [He zoomed in, five fireballs streaming toward Ocky at the same time; sure they could have chatted more, but when did that ever actually happen when they could fight instead?]

Let's be honest. You knew me both in and out of costume for years and failed so many perception checks that I had to come out and just tell you the big secret. I'm not saying you wouldn't figure it out, I'm just saying Valeria would first.

Perception checks? Man, with geek lingo like that you sure I didn't just stop paying attention every time you started talking?

[Besides, he did a good job de-Mephistizing your surprise identity-hiding, didn't he?]

Hey, you're the one that got that I was even making a reference. And here I thought you'd dumped ALL off your Wisdom points into Charisma.

[Yeah, and it only took a big honking maskless statue to do it. Also, Peter is now having way too much fun with the D&D metaphor]

Edited 2013-10-24 00:06 (UTC)

Sorry, what was that? I tuned you out once you started talking like Reed again.

[A big honking maskless statue that nobody else noticed, you mean? And he kids, he kids; he's sure you and whichever girl your AU version is playing with has all kinds of fun in the dungeon.

Just so long as the kids don't have to see it, okay?]

I'm pretty sure Reed doesn't actually play Dungeons and Dragons. It would require leaving his lab and having non-scientific fun.

[The AU I usually play him from is both still married to MJ and is also a founding member of the Titans. And there are enough geeky people on that team that he can actually convince people to play pen and paper RPGs.]