It All Adds Up To Zero

[as_reckless_as_ever]

I know that I have no say in where I'll go if you do decide to send me somewhere else, but I do have one request.

I...

Can I still be Suzaku, even if its just part-time?

I know its selfish of me to ask this, and that I'd be breaking another promise by doing so, but... I got my life back, I don't want to give it up all over again.

Comments

[alchimia]

That's kinda dumb, y'know.

[as_reckless_as_ever]

Is it?

[alchimia]

Asking that kinda thing. You're you, no matter where you go. 'Snot something you or anyone else can change. Some people try to hide it or try to become someone else, but... in the end you'll always be you. And there's nothing wrong with that.

[as_reckless_as_ever]

Except in this case, I'm required to be someone else entirely.

[alchimia]

Doesn't change who you really are. Like I said, some people try to hide who they are, but it doesn't change. And your friends'll always know too.

[as_reckless_as_ever]

...

Can I ask you something?

[alchimia]

Sure. Dunno if I'll answer though.

[exiledpower]

[ Sipping tea at a nearby table. Ever so calmly. Definitely not going to get mad this time, nope! ]

Hn. They grow up so fast, don't they...

[as_reckless_as_ever]

...oh. You.

[exiledpower]

The one and only, Suzaku Kururugi.

[ Eying him over the lid of his teacup. ]

Rummaging for scraps again?

[as_reckless_as_ever]

Your math is a little off there, since you're neither the one nor the only.

[And he'll ignore that second part.]

[exiledpower]

Ah, but I am the one and only "me". I am distinctive from the Lelouch that you obey. Therefore, my initial statement was correct.

[ Pressing onward, then. ]

Your mouthiness is unbecoming for a Knight. Your mundane must tire of it.

[as_reckless_as_ever]

Actually, my mun is rather fond of me. Can you say the same about yours?

[exiledpower]

[ Flinching. Sensitive topic, Suzaku. Be careful. ]

...you still like tea, don't you?

[kindlymeant]

[She fidgets with a lock of hair, releasing it before looking at him.]

We have to be who they want us to be.

[as_reckless_as_ever]

I suppose. But I'd rather be myself, if at all possible.

[kindlymeant]

Who else would you be, other than yourself?

[as_reckless_as_ever]

...I'd be no one. No one at all.

[a pause.]

Sorry for being so obtuse, but its not something I can really go into detail about.

[kindlymeant]

[She shakes her head, and perhaps smiles, just for a moment, because she understands all too well.]

Will you have the choice, do you think?

[as_reckless_as_ever]

Probably not, since its not really about what I want, but what the circumstances require. But... I can still make my desires known, if nothing else.

[kindlymeant]

But wouldn't it be easier then, just to keep your desires to yourself? Won't it only be more difficult?

[as_reckless_as_ever]

[Blink.

Blinkblink.]

...

You know, there are so many possibilities I'm not sure where to begin.

[as_reckless_as_ever]

I don't antagonize anyone as much as I do you anyway.

So I'm guessing this is part of your... "understanding" with him?