Upon looking at heyfreemagic

[hasstandards]

Magic? Bloody magic.

No. Absolutely not.

Comments

[hasstandards]

Bloody hell, not you again.

[a_magicianinviteshimself]

[Maniacal laughter goes here.]

Yes. Fear me mortal for it is I, the Mighty Merasmus who has graced you with his presence.

And my magical knowledge. I can lower the postage to $3 but no further! And then I need to sell [counting on his fingers] two thousand nine hundred and ninety nine more copies and I can pay back what I owe the Japanese Mafia.

[hasstandards]

I've seen the kind of hocus pocus you do. I'm not interested.

[a_magicianinviteshimself]

But you have friends who are? Other people at this game of yours?

Help Merasmus out, breaking my knees would be only the beginning of what's coming to me.

[hasstandards]

I could help you out for a price, mate. S'what I do.

[a_magicianinviteshimself]

NO no no. That won't do. The return on investment in a carnival is not as lucrative as one might think. All my money is tied up in escrow and the mafia does not take kindly to such things.

But! It is no matter, for Merasmus is a cunning strategist as well as a wizard and he has plans to get out of any situation. Yes plans! Many plans. Lots of plans. They will rue the day they crossed me!

Did I mention I had plans?

[hasstandards]

Yeah. Once or twice.

Can't ya use your magic to make 'em all disappear?

[a_magicianinviteshimself]

That shows how little you know about the dark arts! You will never be able to possess the powers capable to be a magician! Nor will you be granted the robe of eldrich might!

[He's still willing to help for a nominal $3 fee though.]

You'd be surprised how resistant to magic some mafia members are. They must posses stones of warding. I wonder where they would get..... SOLDIER!!!!

[hasstandards]

How is it a bloody wizard ends up with a drongo like him for a roommate? Don't you got a castle somewhere?

[Or wherever it is magicians live. He doesn't care that much.]

[a_magicianinviteshimself]

I do have a castle. Did have a castle.

Look nature zoning laws are very complicated and navigating the bureaucracy of the fish and game department is like looking into the maws of a creature from the abyss.

In that it will drive you utterly mad as REALITY SHATTERS AROUND YOU.

[hasstandards]

So it was easier to get a place... with Soldier.

[That wasn't even a question.]

[a_magicianinviteshimself]

That apartment was mine from the beginning! He just .. showed up. LIKE A CREATURE FROM A REALM WITHOUT REASON. Or personal hygiene.

[hasstandards]

And ya couldn't just magic him away?

[a_magicianinviteshimself]

Every time I banished him he'd show back up with the head of some abominable creature. A living room can only store so many heads and no amount of magic can fix that.

But I have set upon him the most vile curse in existence! A curse so reprehensible those who have heard the words uttered are said to be driven mad by the very existence of such a thing! Him and his entire team! NO ONE IS SAFE FROM MERASMUS.

Er.. I guess that means you too doesn't it?

Well.

This has become awkward!

[he waves his staff in a puff of pink smoke]

Vanisimmo Awkawardess!

[hasstandards]

[Sniper is completely unmoved by the puff of smoke, looking as unimpressed as ever as it clears.

Have a side-eyed glare, Merasmus.]

[a_magicianinviteshimself]

HaHA!

It may seem as if I have done nothing! But that is all part of the spell. The spell which does ... Something your mortal mind could not possibly hope to comprehend! Yes, everything is going according to plan.

MERASMUS' PLAN!

[hasstandards]

Ya know, I think I know why you and Soldier were roommates. You're both mental.

[a_magicianinviteshimself]

Yes, I am the master of...

eh, what?

[hasstandards]

You've both gone troppo.

[a_magicianinviteshimself]

I am a wizard! I go wherever I please!

[hasstandards]

No, not—

[Grunt.]

I mean you're bloody insane.

[a_magicianinviteshimself]

Well yes. That is of course a side effect of spending time in the pits of Hades. Or Japan.

The Japanese underground changes a man.

[hasstandards]

Here's an idea: why don't you have Soldier go take care of these people?

[a_magicianinviteshimself]

He cannot do dishes let alone take on an entire underground organization. No. Merasmus will deal with this HIMSELF.

Eheh. Heh. Ha.

[hasstandards]

All right, mate. Your funeral.