Upon looking at heyfreemagic

[hasstandards]

Magic? Bloody magic.

No. Absolutely not.

Comments

[hasstandards]

No, not—

[Grunt.]

I mean you're bloody insane.

[a_magicianinviteshimself]

Well yes. That is of course a side effect of spending time in the pits of Hades. Or Japan.

The Japanese underground changes a man.

[hasstandards]

Here's an idea: why don't you have Soldier go take care of these people?

[a_magicianinviteshimself]

He cannot do dishes let alone take on an entire underground organization. No. Merasmus will deal with this HIMSELF.

Eheh. Heh. Ha.

[hasstandards]

All right, mate. Your funeral.

[a_magicianinviteshimself]

It is far more difficult than you think to kill a wizard! We are crafty, conniving, FULL OF TRICKS.

[hasstandards]

So why're you worried about these Mafia blokes, then?

[a_magicianinviteshimself]

Well because it's difficult to kill a wizard.

[Think of all the horrible unending tortures they could inflict on him! Breaking his knees, pulling out his fingernails, forcing him to interact with Soldier for more than 10 minutes at a time.]

Also I may or may not have angered an ancient Sumarian god. My legal counsel tells me not to admit to anything that hasn't been proven.

[hasstandards]

And where'd you find one of those?

[a_magicianinviteshimself]

er. Ehm.

The uh.. Eldrich depths of ....... NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.

[Soldier.]

[hasstandards]

And I suppose you can't magic him away, either.

[a_magicianinviteshimself]

No, worse luck. He took an entire bottle of my Kill Me Come Back Stronger™ pills.

[hasstandards]

Maybe you oughtta learn a useful trade, like snipin'. Take care of that bloke well before he even sees ya.

[a_magicianinviteshimself]

I don't need a trade. I'm a Wizard. It's a noble and well respected position.

[hasstandards]

Just not very practical when it comes to takin' care of your enemies.

[a_magicianinviteshimself]

It is admittedly more for offense than defense. But I will be on the offensive again soon enough! Once my carnival really gets going then you'll see. YOU'LL ALL SEE.

[hasstandards]

If it's anything like the last one, I'll pass.

[a_magicianinviteshimself]

There is no passing in bumper cars. Only bumping. AND ALSO DEATH.

[hasstandards]

And ducks.

[a_magicianinviteshimself]

Which you will collect until you die. One duck is never enough!

[Okay. Even he isn't buying this.]

I may have gotten the bumper car track at a deep discount.

AS DEEP AS THE LOWEST LEVEL OF THE DARKEST HELL.

[hasstandards]

S'that why it's in such piss poor condition?

[a_magicianinviteshimself]

It is surprisingly hard to find maintenance people for a several thousand year old bumper car track.

And I'm short of cash as it is.

[hasstandards]

You could fix it yourself.

[a_magicianinviteshimself]

Me? Manual labor is beneath a wizard.

[Also have you seen his arms? Twigs lightly wrapped in skin.]

[hasstandards]

[Color him unsurprised.]

I'm guessin' you don't know how.