no one has any idea what they're doing

[reddeadvirtuoso]

ok
listen
its pretty obvious you have no idea what youre doing
and this is coming from the king of having no idea what the fuck theyre doing with a single mastery in being really shitty at time travel
but absolutely perfect at time travel humor
because thats all that really matters in life :|
so how about you just step away from the keyboard before you get ahead of yourself
and we both lose it
youve been sitting on this idea for a grand total of ten hours
and as much as i want nothing more to bust in and save everyone like some kind of true american hero or knight in dumb red armor
come to save all the poor bastards who are in way over their heads in horrorterrors and mad science
but i just
dont
just let me have some breathing room for five minutes ok
daves the knight here thats not my job

Comments

[haxxxish]

ok starting a timer
300 seconds idk how many breaths that is
also are you conunting inhaleehxhaloe as one or twow
w/e w/e anyway GO five min
then you can wear the superhenro cpae

[reddeadvirtuoso]

no way i am always on cape duty
it comes with the territory of being one bad temporal hopping dude
along with a pair of slick pajamas and a shovel

inhalexexhale counts as one breath
i have a solid minute of breaths at this point so were doing good so far
its like im on my way to fucking nirvana

[haxxxish]

hope you wash that shit sounds gross i mean who knows what yuor gettning up to in that cape
all kinds of shenananingans

yeah just be zen ok
think of a trpopical island full of flowers and
fuck
koala bears?????
and kittens
yep youll be good
150 sex
*secs

[reddeadvirtuoso]

pretty sure my godly super hero duds are shenanigans proof
like all the blood and guts and dust bunnies just slide right off because of some velvety crystalline god protection

hell fucking yes there be some koala bears all up on this most tropical of islands
thats the only way to be zen
its why everyone in australia is all happy and shit while everythings still trying to murder you
breathing in and out like its going out of fashion here

[haxxxish]

celarly i need to get some of these
esp if velvet
so retro
also never need to do laundry again thats a pakr
*park
**perk

yeah exactyl although allkegedly they drop on you if theyre made or sth
so
dont try to eat one or anything
why would you even theyre so perfect
a lil shot of cutensess
hope its not but anyway 80 secundos

[reddeadvirtuoso]

sorry not available for purchase in stores
they come for the low low cost of murdering yourself in cold blood
order now and well throw in a transformation sequence free of charge

wouldnt be surprised
theyre probably secretly vicious little fuckers
getting the drop on all the poisonous snakes and crocodiles and waiting for you to let your guard down so they can plummet and send you to your doom
no one will ever except it because everyone thinks theyre so fluffy and adorable until one day youre looking up to find all these motherfuking koalas in the trees and on the office buildings
and the next thing you know its koala overlords under the thread of humiliating furry death

[haxxxish]

wow
so pretty much a bargian

aww cute
<#<#<3
i welceom our koala ovkerlards
could be worse i mean
no aliens no clowns just cute furry marspupils
FUCK ****koalas
and i am ok with dying by koala butt thats a graet death

okay times up how are we feeling

[reddeadvirtuoso]

yep its right there in the bargain bin
you can even find a coupon for it online
they just cant sell enough of this shit

i dont know ive met some aliens and theyre
pretty insane but some of them arent so bad
theyre not threatening me with koala ass all up in my face
thats probably the worst death ever >:O
and ive had a lot of deaths so im basically like an authority on this shit

im feeling like
holy shit my lungs are just so goddamn fresh
having an out of body experience here
talking to a chick with pink text about koalas and clowns
fucking aces

[chronomancer]

experience says once they get an idea
they don't really Reconsider it
could be wworse though
or so ivve learned
hey jade

[reddeadvirtuoso]

sup movie star
to be honest your experience is
a whole mess of bullshit!
filled with hippie treehugging psychos and other lint grey scourges of the earth
and i dont really want and/or have time for it to get worse
again
you been holding down the temporal fort at least?

[chronomancer]

fuck off
my experience is invvaluable
also a load a regurgitated hoofbeast shit
the upside a the shithole ivve been sent to is that the temporal fort is largely less fucked up than usual
the dowwnside is that evverythin else is busy fuckin itself sidewways on a shovvel
so yeah
holdin up
an tryin real hard not to kill your knight in grimdark armor in his sleep

[reddeadvirtuoso]

this is all still sounding like a mess of bullshit to me bro
that actually sounds marginally better than the last time i talked to you
you know when we were all facing our impending universe death
good times
step off dave though ok
i know hes the biggest prick that ever walked the hallowed halls of your local library but hes a bro
promised him i would snap him the motherfuck out of it when he was done throwing his horroterry hissyfit

[chronomancer]

its not
better than last time we talked i mean
i miss impending universe death
i look back wwith a tear in my eye sometimes an think
shit bro those wwere the Good Times
ill havve you knoww that i havvent touched A Single Hair in his knightly grimdark head
so chill on that
i deservve a fuckin Medal though
months a Sharin A Room wwith him an i still havvent figured out wwhy hes your bro
or howw is he your bro wwithout wwantin to throttle him Evvery So Often more like
but hey
on the upside
he hasnt blowwn up my husktop again
nevvermind the fact i dont Havve one anymore
the point Still Stands right

[reddeadvirtuoso]

back in those good old days when the demon was murdering as all
stabbing all my best guys
blowing up planets
yeah i look back at those days and think fuck do i wish i could go back to that time
it was like a kodak moment

to be fair youre an ornery naggy temporal fuck up alien thing and were still bros
so theres that
just put a blanket over his head and hell think its nighttime im sure
props for not blowing up the hardware

[chronomancer]

...at least they Stayed Dead then
at least dyin wwas the wworst that could happen then
but hey
since wwhen havve things gone the wway wwe expect them to right?
Fuck That Noise lets just find out howw far the hopbeast hole really goes

hey
hey there
i am a royally fucked up temporal disaster an the life a the doomed timeline party
wwho the fuck Doesnt wwant to be my friend?

[reddeadvirtuoso]

sounding a little dark on me there movie star
you sure youre not the grimdark one
hey dont be so down on yourself i mean
when it comes to having all their shit fall to pieces and falling into all of the universes deadly pittrap we are simply the best there is

scuse you i think you are forgetting who the real life of the doomed timeline party is
in all their dead body shoveling and friend murdering glory
thats right its me
all of the bitches want some of this one of a kind strider bullshit

[restitchtime]

Yeah, because everyone would want the dumbass who can't even run a stable time loop playing their big damn hero. Sounds like you and your mun are a nice matched set.

[reddeadvirtuoso]

hey fuck off
ill have you know i havent fucked up a stable time loop since i went god tier
its just everything else that went horribly shitty and wrong due in no part to my inability to establish a proper loop
but fuck whatever i got this
cant say for my mun though shes dumb as a sack of chalk

[restitchtime]

You needed to get your ass handed to you before you could do your job? Christ, that's like getting tutored just to pass kindergarten.

I wouldn't trust you with a virtual pet, let alone anything actually fucking important.

[reddeadvirtuoso]

wow ok miss prissy pants!
if youre such a goddamn time travel goddess why dont you just take your oh so advanced and godlike hax and show me how its done
since youre apparently so fucking flawless at everything
i dont even want a virtual pet im up to my teeth in birds and frogs and johns demonic dog

[restitchtime]

Yes, let me prove to you my temporal superiority in a clusterfuck excuse for a pandimensional pit stop. How the fuck did I miss such a logical idea? Let's just say I've never had an offshoot fuckup and leave it at that.

And please don't mention that fucking dog again. It's the only thing that comes even close to being as godawful as Harley.

[reddeadvirtuoso]

if were in a proverbial pandimensional pit stop then you should be able to strut your stuff without worrying about more doomed timelines you know
fuck even i could do it right!
everyone has an offshoot fuckup
its like an initiation into the ranks of time lording
we have your license all ready but first you have to splinter off and do something really stupid we hope youre still the alpha when you get back

hey man johns my ecto bro dont hate on a dudes bro
but no fuck that dog :|

[restitchtime]

That is probably the shittiest club I've ever heard of, and I've been hit with a few bombs in my day. I know it must be hard to believe, but some people actual can police one goddamn timeline without shooting themselves in the foot. Amazing, isn't it?

I hate on my John for completely different reasons. Harley can go fuck himself for being a smug condescending asshole, and he can take his damn dog with him.

this is the latest of tags and i give not a single fuck

[tortileghostwriter]

and weve all seen what a positively sterling and bangup job ive done of that havent we

giving fucks is not in our business

[reddeadvirtuoso]

you think ive been doing any better job at this?
c'mon join the failure party weve got snacks and disco lights