no one has any idea what they're doing

[reddeadvirtuoso]

ok
listen
its pretty obvious you have no idea what youre doing
and this is coming from the king of having no idea what the fuck theyre doing with a single mastery in being really shitty at time travel
but absolutely perfect at time travel humor
because thats all that really matters in life :|
so how about you just step away from the keyboard before you get ahead of yourself
and we both lose it
youve been sitting on this idea for a grand total of ten hours
and as much as i want nothing more to bust in and save everyone like some kind of true american hero or knight in dumb red armor
come to save all the poor bastards who are in way over their heads in horrorterrors and mad science
but i just
dont
just let me have some breathing room for five minutes ok
daves the knight here thats not my job

Comments

[reddeadvirtuoso]

exactly
see my stupid troll bro gets it thats why you got the time honored privilege of one of these kicking striped scarves
wear it proudly

dude
eri
did you eat the sopor
after youre telling me its really fucking stupid to eat it
are you for fucking serious
:|

[chronomancer]

is wwhat i do
fuck time shit up
wwear kickass scarf
bitches be jealous jade

...its a long story an it makes perfect sense in retrospectivve
its also All Gamzees Fault
i wwash my hands clean a it

[reddeadvirtuoso]

fuck yeah were living large here
all of the bitches be jealous
its just another thing that makes us so goddamn remarkable

isnt gamzee that cat dude you were talking about
this is sounding Pretty Fucking Stupid in retrospect
drunken parties last a day but fallouts are forever
especially if theyre hilarious

...you didn't see that.

[chronomancer]

can you evven Count The Wways wwere remarkable?

oh
im sorry
did i forget to mention
the Towwer is like this Interdimentional Dumpster?
because it is
theres poor suckers from alternate univverses too
like a fishfaced me thats older but not as older as the other fucker wwhose face i wwil one day Reorganize wwith the lovvin touch a my shovvel
all things considered he evven sounds like hes not a complete fuckin failure
theres also a jade
wwho isnt you
an then a gamzee
wwho is not hot on the catpuns
but on bein my bro an occasionally goin a smidge crazy an killin evveryone around him
nice kid
wworthy a bein a scarf bro honest
but wwhen hes not killin evveryone hes shovvin sopor pie dowwn my throat
so
Not My Fault
just my hangovver

these are definitely not the trolls i'm looking for

[reddeadvirtuoso]

fuck no there are just too many
for all the dead jades and eris we got lying around six feet under
weve got five more ways that were remarkable

so there are two fishfaced versions of you?
and
another jade
ok sure
ill bring up my hideous offense at you suggesting someone else is worthy of these badass scarves later but
dude you have got to stop making bros with people that are murderous psychos
like seriously im starting to worry if ive got some kind of latent homicidal urges that are just gonna bust out and make me shoot everyone
did you take a peak at the future and find out im secretly the evil dog demon
coming back here to tell me to keep my shit together and stop being such a murderous pissant because my time bro doesnt have the cajones to beat up his older fishfached self

definitely, 'sides, no one likes Jaderi's ancestor. He's a douchenuzzle.

[chronomancer]

precisely
theres no dictionary entry on remarkable
because no one can finish recordin all the wways wwe define the wword

its a big deal
okay
hes an adult an my not ancestor an its Wweird
ill get around to it
Evventually
meanwwhile
care to explore your newwfound omnicidal urges
i mean shit jade
by this point
im a pro at handlin omnicidal bros
youre in good hands here

just like in the original canon!

[reddeadvirtuoso]

they literally had to remove it from the dictionary because it was too inefficient trying to compile the whole list for the entry
and we just kept adding more and erasing more because fucking time holy shit

oh right trolls have this weird thing where its like no adults anywhere
and theyre all raised by animals or whatever
even if i had these proverbial omnicidal urges
i think dave and your treehugger sis stole all the loony snapping grimdark shenanigans
if i went and did it now id just look like a poser
gotta think of my own crowning moments of crazy you know

just with a pinch of "backstabbing asshole oh go die in a fire plz"

[chronomancer]

pretty much

thats howw it is
youre not supposed to meet your ancestor
evven if hes the wwrong bloodcolor
or an Unmitigated Bastard
...leavve fef out a this
its Complicated
more than usual i mean

perfect recipe for douchebag stew

[reddeadvirtuoso]

which is still kind of weird but
id be pretty disappointed if my adult ancestor guy was an unmitigated bastard so
hey no offense to your weird alien not girlfriend thing
but from what you told me the chick was kind of definitely off her rocker in a really bad way
then again im friends with sir lancelot grimass so what the fuck do i know

he and douchefins get along well, no dismembering has actually happened!

[chronomancer]

do humans evven havve ancestors
hey
fef had her reasons
it sucked an it wwasnt like she Wwanted to vviciously cull evveryone in the goddamn rock
my moirail is not crazy
too crazy
crazys Relativve anywway
besides
if youre going to seriously put my friendin habits into question
ill remind you
youre my friend too
wwhat does that Say about you jadebro?

so how much longer until one snaps and harpoons the other?

[reddeadvirtuoso]

yeah we got ancestors
you know about my bro hes basically my animaldad without being an animal
we got families so we can trace back our family trees for generations and all those old bags that started our awesome roots are our ancestors

it says that
holy shit thats a dude with some cool shades and absolutely no fucking clue what theyre doing
having to be babysat by this naggy green alien guy before they make everything five times worse than they already were
its
fucking
remarkable
the point is im not crazy at least

still up in the air, it'll probably whoever blinks first

[chronomancer]

but are you like
supposed to take on their footsteps an continue their Legacy an shit?
because thats wwhat wwere supposed to do
though shit be freezin in hell before i take ovver wwhat the douchecar orphaner says

i like that naggy green alien dude
Best Babysitter Evver
totally not crazy either

that is one legendarily passive aggressive staring contest

[reddeadvirtuoso]

you can if you want i guess
here i am trying to uphold the strider legacy of cool and
awesome
or whatever
but like rose is kind of sick of her old man
and john was raised by a fucking dog
so unless he grows up to be a furry thats gonna be kind of hard
orphaners a stupid name :|
but if he asks you shoot him in the eye i say go for it

dont be fooled hes kind of an enormous tool that wont shut up
crazy or not
and hes one of those retarded babysitters that put the kid down on the counter while hes talking on the phone and the kids crawling around and its like
ooh look at the shiny stabbing implements!
but whatever
hes a pretty cool dude
if i keep going were just gonna end up in sapsville again and im pretty sure were trying to avoid that

it's how aquarius rolls, baby

[chronomancer]

once i procure a gun?
believve me
his are the first horns im shootin off

yeah the point here is that Sapsvville population is Not Us
but hey you shouldnt be too hard on the dude
hes babysittin a spectacularly cool kid who nevver listens
an goes around showwin off the rad cape
though wwhen you look at it Objectivvely
kid probably didnt evven need a babysitter
fuckin prodigy kids
its like theyre hatched Ready huh

they see me rolliiiin' they hatiiiin'

[reddeadvirtuoso]

maybe if i crash your towerstuck maggothive we can use him for target practice
five points if you shoot off his horns
ten if you get his eyes

hey that kid totally earned that cape
flaunt your stuff man
without that naggy alien babysitter the alpha probably woulda gotten offed like
yesterday
pulling off these batshit stunts guns blazing
like a fucking action hero
only no one wins and scratch goes everyone dies

more like, they see me failin', they laughin' (aquarius is the sign of cosmic fail, man)

[chronomancer]

twwenty if you shoot off his fins huh?

that she did
most wwell earned cape in all paradox space
heh
maybe maybe
naggy alien babysitter could stand to Chill The Fuck Out sometimes though
this has been provven repeatedly

fuck the scratch
fuck the haters

i'm gonna need more popcorn for this

[reddeadvirtuoso]

and twentyfive if you can shatter his teet

damn straight he could
he is so goddamn hopped up and anal
gotta do this dont do that gotta stop that no what are you doing shit
so i think he could stand to calm the fuck down every now and then
yknow when were not
about to be killed by a lime green dog demon
the scratch is dumb haters are dumb
sburb is dumb
you and me time bro youre getting in on my friday night pizza and soda binge
no bitching allowed
it will be a nag free zone
gotta unwind or youll have a fucking ulcer or something
you cant time rewind that shit

[chronomancer]

fifty if you hit the stupid point in his armor shit

...you and the dolorosa wwould get along So Wwell
not sure if scared or intrigued by that thought

but im in if you add wwaffles to the menu
shit be good bro
i might evven make an honest attempt to stop impartin my nevverendin wwisdom on all things timey
if theres wwaffles in the menu

[reddeadvirtuoso]

this dude wheres legit like full on armor
are you kidding me
hes an even bigger tool than you jesus

whos the dolorosa
some kind of prissy flower lady
sounds kind of lame

holy shit have i discovered a way to make eridan ampora shut up with his time travel tutelage
my glasses must because i must be hallucinating
hell yes we can add waffles
even if i doubt youll ever actually shut up
waffles are fucking rad
do trolls have waffles
or is this a feature of your freaky tower of evil
because any place thats serving waffles is ok by me

[chronomancer]

hes a bigger tool than anyone i knoww
including davvid if you can believve it
then again the wwhole Enslavvin an Murderin people apparently does that to you

oi oi
fuck
respect to the lady because shes fuckin Awwesome
shes another jadeblood i met
an shes Goddamn Amazin okay

fuck yeah wwaffles
they wwere servvin them wwhen i got there
most amazin thing humans havve evver produced okay
shit
totally wworth making a univverse wwith you guys in it if you come up wwith stuff like that
havvent had them in the menu in forevver though
between the goddamn nutrition bars an the food shortage right noww
cant wwait to havve them back though
easily the best thing about the wwhole damn place
except maybe the Media floor

[reddeadvirtuoso]

whoa whoa
murderin and enslavin
i mean murdering and enslaving
whatever thats pretty not cool
say what you want about my best guy but he didn't enslave and murder anybody

so is this like
blood solidarity or something
or is she like your momlusus kinda
she sounds like a cooler ancestor dude than doucheaner
but yeah im pretty much contractually obligated to agree that jade things are awesome
so you got me there

nutrition bars
did it turn into some kind of health spa or some bullshit like that
so like what if we rewound time back to when they served waffles
and brought a shitton back to the present to rescue everyone from this stupid health kick
i mean i think you mentioned earlier that the temporal fort was pretty solid there
or would that still be a fucking stupid idea
thats probably a stupid idea

[chronomancer]

yeah
in the big scale a things
hes just Kind A Creepy wwhich isnt a crime
i guess

haha i wwish
nah
i guess its somethin like blood solidarity
since there arent a wwhole lot a jadebloods left
but shes pretty cool by her owwn right

im goin to go wwith c thats a pretty fuckin stupid idea
i dont trust the Towwer wwith time shenanigans
not since the accidental doomed self invvation
betwwen me an ar
wwe
kind a redecorated the landscape in red an jade
also
fuck
havve you got any idea howw fuckin hard it is to kill a godtier doomed self?

[reddeadvirtuoso]

ok i dont know how it works in your barbarian trollciety but
around here thats kind of a big deal
and im not really a fan of either of those either
so basically if you dont kick his ass
im gonna kick his ass

blah blah alien history biology blah blah
if shes smart enough to talk you down from hyperactive worry mode then props for that
but that probably means shes a crazy naggy lady
and i swear to god if she gets in the way of my pizza and soda and waffle pinge shes out

holy fucking
werent you the one who told me to bring a shovel
so we could avoid these kind of exterior decoration incidents
jesus
ive never thought about that and i dont think i want to figure it out
given we all know how fucking flawless i am at not making a heap of doomed jades
i mean timelines gotta fix it somehow but
ouch

[chronomancer]

i meant davvid not douchescar
but yeah
wwe could take Turns or somethin

she doesnt nag
...much
too often
heh
anyone wwho gets in the wway a pizza an soda an wwaffles deservves Wwhatevver comes their wway

i did so tell you to bring a shovvel
i am the quintessential shovvel master
im also the poor fuckin idiot wwho discovvered wwhats like to lose control a time powwers
because the towwer administration is run by incompetent asswwipes
but yeah Dont Make Doomed Selvves
not noww that youre godtier
for the lovve a fuck
let that be the one thing you wwholly listen to wwithout arguin
you Dont wwant to open that can a suck
Trust Me

[reddeadvirtuoso]

dude i told you to lay off
or else im gonna keep making fun of the tree hugger
sounds like a plan though
i bet i could paint some targets on his shitty armor

cool so even aliens understand the sanctity of pizza soda and waffles
youre on your way to becoming a regular dude
and flowers isnt allowed
momlususes arent allowed
this is strictly a bro ritual

ok
nah dont worry i got this
i figure with my god tier power up i got less of chance of royally screwing up a timeline
making loops like its nothing
or i can hit the pause button and step out of the way of any incoming stab wounds
i mean i got to the top so its gotta be like inherent or something now right??