dear_mun | Entries tagged with canon: bakemonogatari

A world with no boys will certainly be a change of pace, but I'm sure that if they need the help that badly I'll be just fine.

Now I wonder how I should tell everyone at school that I'll be taking some time off to save a dying world...?

mediator

Hm? What's this? Getting a little ahead of yourself, don't you think missy? Not that I have anything better to do right now, but isn't it pretty mean to be so cruel to an old man like me? You've got plenty of younger people to ship off there, so why are you bothering with a poor senior like myself? It doesn't seem fair that I have no choice in this arrangement either.

[...]

With all due seriousness however, I wouldn't be against it. I go only where I am needed and then I leave when the time is right. So I won't leave until my work is done. However, it's a matter of me getting there first. From my understand you're having a tough time with that paper you need to write to get me in.

It isn't hard. Here let me help you.

[AHEM]

"Oshino Meme is a wonderful man who helps clean up the messes poor irresponsible people make. He charges roughly 100,000 yen per hour and that is a very generous amount for his services. However, he is not accountable for any reckless behavior that occurs in the middle of his services. This includes a person getting themselves maimed, beaten, cursed, exhausted, panicked and killed. Half payment must be offered in advance before services are offered. This contract is non-negotiable."

[...He smirks a little.]

What, isn't this an advertisement to let me in? Either way it sounds about right, don't you think? It's good, don't worry about it. I don't actually make people pay me 100,000 yen, but I decided to be kind about it because you're having so much trouble. I won't go any lower however. I may not have to keep up with living expenses, but I do need travel fees among other necessities.

threewishes

Hello, Mundane-san~!☆

Aah, of all the muses available to you, you picked me? Not to brag or anything, but I think I can consider this to be quite the accomplishment! You have quite the variety to choose from, after all, with each one having traits greater than my own (depending on which way you look at it). I'll be sure to work hard for you, okay?

As for the game's genre, well... It could be worse, right? [no] Nevermind, I won't make you answer that. But! It's just another challenge on the horizon to look forward to you. Plus, I'll get to see Hei-chan and Lancer-san, and you can do your best playing me more accurately this time around, too. Not to say that I didn't like that interpretation! But it was a little offputting to others, wasn't it? Imagine, a world where it wasn't so.. "Stiff" competition, indeed.

Now, to work on our conversational skills...

damaged_goods

I must say, this new venture of yours is quite preferable to what you have subjected me to in the past. If I must be dragged from the shadow of my master, flung across the universe, and bound to a plane of existence from which I cannot escape, I imagine there are worse places I could have ended up then a garden filled with those of the lesbian persuasion. And to be no longer stuck in the body of a small child is quite the welcome change of pace.

Now I have a few small demands in exchange for cooperation in this venture. Firstly, I would like access to a supply of blood of some kind. Secondly...Well, actually, I imagine is all that I require at the moment. If I think of more I will pass them along to you, writing-servant-girl.

Sincerely,
Kiss-shot Acerola-orion Heart-under-blade

seigi

I'm amazed you haven't dropped the place yet, considering your goals and plans there. If I were you, I'd probably learn to stand on my own two feet and be at a game on your own instead of relying on other people to interact with get proper feedback. I try to be strong, and I stand by my own words, and don't abide with other people unless it's really necessary. Why shouldn't you?

I do however approve you putting me there. It's not time yet since the next application period isn't until July, but hey it's always good to start early, right?

constricted

M, mun, are you sure this place is [ gulp ] okay? It's not that it's awful. [ There's a pause, and she twiddles her fingers. ] Nadeko doesn't, um, know a lot of people back home, but moving away so suddenly is, a little...

[ Nadeko seems to ponder on it for a while, and it doesn't take too long for her to look up timidly and ask: ]

Will he be there?

[ You mean Koyomi? ]

Mm. He's always helping Nadeko, so she hopes so. But if he arrives as an underground information broker from Ikebukuro who claims to love humans and pretends to be a woman on the internet, then Nadeko can't accept him.

[ Don't make it sound like that's entirely possible... ]

seigi

Hehe, and I thought I was going to be stuck in your head forever! Goes to show how much of a cool character I can be.

[She clears her throat and starts making a striking but cool position; arms folded, legs posed, and a grin to match her energetic charisma.]

What would you want me to do? Go on a adventure to save a damsel in distress? Find a criminal in need of punishment? Fight monsters? I'll be happy to take anything on, for the sake of justice! It is my middle name, and you know that better than anyone else, mun! I would be even be more pleased if you put me into that game you threw that blue-haired character is! The smaller big brother would have a fit, but I'm pretty sure he'd be happy to see me.

So how about it?

stapledweight

While I have no complaints of leaving your headspace, though it surprisingly was very spacious, I'm honestly hoping that you're not jumping the gun while doing this.

Didn't you just say earlier that you needed to be doing something for your class? I would be highly disappointed in you for failing when you're so class to finishing up the year. Though I can't really stop you if you continue to play around all over those "memes" you seem so fond of.

[...]

Are you honestly about to put me out into the rain? You really are ridiculous.

lostweight

Sexygahara? Who might that be? Is she some sort of vixen? Is she, as luck would have it, a goddess from the heavens sent to a pitiful human who dialed the wrong number and, on a whim, asked for a girlfriend to give him some sense of value and self-respect? Does she look that dirty to you, Mundane-san? Is she a lascivious, promiscuous, otherworldly call girl who answers to your every filthy need?

[ She narrows her eyes and tilts her head. ]

That aside, Mundane-san, I see no reason for you to speak with me at the moment. Your muses are settled, your applications are going well, and you are not sending me to any games. Ah, but I should point this out to you. There is a problem with your speed. There was never a Hitagi Snail, and if people got the story arc titles mixed up because of your terrible roleplaying, that will be troublesome, you know.

... This is merely an exercise to waste some time? I see. I truly feel like twenty-five minutes of my fictional life have been put to good use. In the time I could have used to push the plot along, I spent most of it at a club room talking about absolutely nothing. That's fine. It will make an almost decent light novel. I'll make sure to wipe my ass with it the next time I use the toilet.

damaged_goods

You are going to make me a Sacrifice? For what? I am a noble vampire, not some common human. I refuse to be offered to anyone or anything! And no, giving me cat-ears will not make the experience any better.

Also, whomever eventually becomes my partner in this mess must be of some grace and standing, otherwise I will suck them dry and be done with the matter. Have I made myself clear?

damaged_goods

Your complaints about a simple holiday are simply ridicules. Return to me when thou has lived for five hundred years, then you may speak of loneliness and angst. Till then I suggest thou keep silent on such matters.

As for matters of sending myself to a "game", I dislike that you, much as the man in whose shadow I dwell, wish to prolong my life any further. Human beings are such frustrating creatures.

[Shinobu laughs.]

loveslaving

Ah, mun-san! No, you don't even need to say it-- what a brilliant plan, to take me out before doing anything with me! A dog can't learn new tricks if they're always caged, after all.

And while I wouldn't say that I'm inexperienced-- quite the contrary, since I boast the title of Araragi-senpai's love slave!-- it is indeed nice to make some meaningful steps forward before I'm allowed to collapse headfirst into whatever may be ahead. Always knock on a stone bridge before crossing it, was it?

Hmm... but I feel as if this post could use a bit more impact! First impressions are important, aren't they? I would suggest taking my clothes off, but then Araragi-senpai may go on a rampage...

Mm. In order to preserve his stellar reputation, I'll refrain. This is what any good kohai would do, after all!

Dear Mun . . .

I think we have issues.

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