dear_mun | Karkat made a new friend

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canon: ms paint adventures

Karkat made a new friend

OH MY GOD!
I SWEAR EACH SUCCESSIVE MUSE THAT ENTERS YOUR HEAD IS A BIGGER ASSHOLE THAN THE LAST.
I DIDN'T THINK IT WAS POSSIBLE FOR ANYONE TO BE MORE OF A DOUCHEBAG THAN DAVE
BUT SOMEHOW STRIDER NUMBER TWO PULLS IT OFF.
DIRK ACTS LIKE HE'S THE HOTTEST SHIT EVEN THOUGH HE LITERALLY BLOWS CHUNKS ALL THE WAY OUT THE PROTEIN CHUTE.
WHO DOES HE THINK HE IS TO TELL ME WHO I CAN AND CAN'T HAVE A CRUSH ON?
I AM THE EXPERT ON ROMANCE.
ME, NOT HIM.
AND THE LAST THING I NEED IS SOME INSUFFERABLE PRICK TELLING ME WHO I CAN'T DATE.
SERIOUSLY, GET THIS SMUG, NOOK SNIFFING BASTARD OUT OF HERE.
DIRK IS SUCH A DICK.
HE IS SUCH A DICK THAT DICK IS GOING TO BE HIS NAME FROM NOW ON.
WHENEVER I SAY THE WORD DICK IN THE FUTURE PLEASE ASSUME I'M TALKING ABOUT DIRK.
ALSO, DICK IS COMPLETELY DISRESPECTFUL OF MY PERSONAL SPACE.
I GUESS IT RUNS IN THE STRIDER FAMILY.
IF HE FLICKS MY HORNS WITH HIS FINGERS ONE MORE TIME I AM GOING TO SHIT SO MUCH RAGE SNAKE THAT THIS ENTIRE THINK PAN WILL BE FULL OF IT.
NOT THAT IT ALREADY ISN'T, BECAUSE WE BOTH KNOW YOU'RE FULL OF SHIT.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

it's pretty straightforward and concise, yeah.
could be.
maybe he wants to feel he has some influence on what's happening around him.
but that's probably not the best way of doing it.

ROXY THINKS THAT DICK IS WORRIED ABOUT ME.
I DON'T KNOW, MAYBE SHE'S RIGHT.
BUT EVEN IF SHE IS HE'S BEING WORRIED IN THE MOST DOUCHEY SORT OF WAY.
THERE IS NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT.
I CAN HANDLE MY OWN LOVE LIFE.

worried about you?
huh.
i… wouldn't really know, i haven't talked to any dirks that much
maybe one of these days.
… but anyway, yeah.
i mean, it's your love life in the end.
you're the one really making the decisions.

EXACTLY.
THERE IS NOTHING TO BE WORRIED ABOUT.
I KNOW MY ROMANTIC LIFE IS FUCKED UP SOMETIMES
BUT HE'S GOING TO LEARN TO RESPECT MY DECISIONS WHETHER HE AGREES WITH THEM OR NOT.

IF YOU EVER END UP TALKING TO HIM, JUST REMEMBER HE'S A BIGGER DOUCHE THAN DAVE.
THAT PRETTY MUCH COVERS IT.

yeah.
people can offer advice, sure, but…
your decisions are your own.

i guess so.
i mean, it'll be a pain, but…
it's not like i haven't handled douches before.
…
if he calls me a cheap copy of jake, though, i'm punching him in the face.

[there are some things he is just not going to tolerate. :|]

I NEVER WANTED HIS ADVICE.
IF I DID I WOULD HAVE ASKED, BUT I DIDN'T.
AND ANYWAY IT WAS MORE LIKE NAGGING THAN ADVICE.
THE WEIRD THING IS THAT I'M ACTUALLY STARTING TO WONDER IF HE WAS RIGHT.

HE HASN'T CALLED ANYONE THAT.
NOT EVEN KANKRI, WHO SORT OF DESERVES IT.
OKAY, SO HE ISN'T A COPY, BUT HE'S STILL AN ASSHOLE.

guess so.
really? about what?

yeah.
well, he didn't really say anything about it, just…
sigh.
yeah, you guys are pretty distinct.
he needs a pretty different categorisation.

I GUESS I HAVE MY DOUBTS SOMETIMES.
I NEVER EXPECT ANY OF MY RELATIONSHIPS TO WORK.
NOT THAT IT'S MUCH OF A RELATIONSHIP, IT'S MORE LIKE A MEME.
BUT I WAS REALLY LOOKING FORWARD TO IT
SO EVERY TIME IT TAKES MORE THAN A FEW DAYS TO GET A REPLY I GET A LITTLE WORRIED.

I THINK DIRK HATES HIM.
NOT THAT I BLAME HIM.
IT'S JUST SORT OF SAD THAT SOMETIMES NO ONE WILL TALK TO KANKRI BUT ME.
HE'S STILL AN ASSHOLE, BUT I FEEL SORRY FOR HIM.
NO ONE DESERVES TO BE IGNORED.

what if that becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, though?
it's okay to hope for the things you want.
but.
yeah, memes are kind of a weird space.
i think you do kind of form a bond anyway, because you recognise that particular version of the person you talked to, and… you talk to them again, and, well.
i dunno.
it could build into something else.
yeah.
well, i hope they get back to you soon.

no.
i guess… he just makes it sort of difficult for people.
but ignoring him doesn't really help.

NO.
I MEAN, IN THIS CASE I DON'T THINK SO.
I DIDN'T HAVE TIME TO ACTUALLY SAY MUCH BEFORE HE STARTED KISSING ME.
ALTHOUGH I GUESS I COULD'VE DONE LESS COMPLAINING AFTERWARD.
IT'S JUST THAT YOU, I MEAN HE...
SHIT!
I MEAN THE GUY IN THE MEME WHO IN NO WAY RESEMBLES YOU.
IT'S JUST THAT HE DOES RANDOM THINGS THAT TAKE ME BY SURPRISE SOMETIMES.
YOU KNOW WHAT NEVER MIND.
I CAN'T TALK ABOUT THIS NOW.

[Karkat is making out with an alternate version of you in that meme, John. And he's trying to lie about it. Because awkward.]

well, it is a pretty effective way to stop someone talking!
hehehe.
well, he's probably pretty used to it.
you wouldn't be you if you didn't complain.
maybe you need to go with the flow a little more, karkat.

[oh, he can guess. and he's pretty amused by that, though he doesn't plan to point it out just yet.]

I WASN'T EVEN SAYING ANYTHING WHEN HE DID IT.
WE WERE WATCHING A MOVIE.
IT WAS A PRETTY BORING MOVIE THOUGH.
SO I GUESS I SHOULD THANK HIM FOR MAKING THE EVENING SUCK A LITTLE LESS THAN IT ALREADY DID.

it sounds a lot more engaging, yeah!
it could be worth saying.
a little appreciation goes a long way.

[wink!]

WHAT WAS THAT THING YOU JUST DID WITH YOUR EYE?
ARE YOU GETTING FRESH WITH ME, EGBERT?

what thing?
well, i hope so.
i'd hate to be getting stale with you.

[trying to play innocent, but his grin almost certainly gives the game away.]

YOU KNOW WHAT THING.
DON'T PLAY DUMB WITH ME, EGBERT.

[That said, Karkat is blushing a bit. Dammit John, stop being so hot!]

[he will play dumb as much as he likes! but really he knows, Karkat knows, so he might as well drop the guise.]

sometimes my facial muscles just get out of control, karkat.
but i am being totally truthful about not wanting to get stale!

[…

well, maybe. eventually.

he'd try to turn it off if he had any idea how to, it is kind of weird to be thought of that way after the initial ego boost! right now, though, he is just going to lean in and peer at Karkat's face, eyebrows rising a little.]

Huh.

[[also I apologise for being late, it's been a bit of a week.]]

YOUR FACIAL MUSCLES AREN'T THE ONLY THING THAT'S OUT OF CONTROL.
BUT FINE, I BELIEVE YOU.

[When John leans in it just makes Karkat flush a little redder.]

What do you want?

[[That's okay. It happens.]]

It's a real problem!

[all the better to see it, then!]

Just wanted to see. You look nice with a bit of colour on you!

Stop teasing me. It isn't as funny as you think it is.

[That is teasing, right? Karkat can never tell.]

I'm not. [or, well, not about that, at any rate.] I mean, we can't really make you blush all the time, I'm pretty sure that's unhealthy! But. If you wore something that looked good, maybe.

[Karkat just doesn't get it. No one wants to see the color of his mutant blood. It's both weird and embarrassing to hear someone say it looks good and he has a hard time taking comments like that seriously.]

What's wrong with what I'm wearing now? You don't like my shirt?

[well, it's not a great thing in the sense of there has been damage done there, but otherwise John doesn't entirely get how it's a problem.]

There's nothing wrong with it! It's a great shirt, it does exactly what a shirt needs to do. [what is under there anyway science wants to know] Just, maaaaaybe you could try one with a touch of colour on it.

The other trolls have color on their shirts. Go bother them.

[Karkat isn't changing his. He likes his douchey gray sign and his douchey gray text just fine.]

They're not you, though.

[so maybe it could be on something else instead. also this is the point at which he's going to drape an arm over Karkat, that totally counts as adding colour, right?]

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