Karkat made a new friend

[malignantrage]

OH MY GOD!
I SWEAR EACH SUCCESSIVE MUSE THAT ENTERS YOUR HEAD IS A BIGGER ASSHOLE THAN THE LAST.
I DIDN'T THINK IT WAS POSSIBLE FOR ANYONE TO BE MORE OF A DOUCHEBAG THAN DAVE
BUT SOMEHOW STRIDER NUMBER TWO PULLS IT OFF.
DIRK ACTS LIKE HE'S THE HOTTEST SHIT EVEN THOUGH HE LITERALLY BLOWS CHUNKS ALL THE WAY OUT THE PROTEIN CHUTE.
WHO DOES HE THINK HE IS TO TELL ME WHO I CAN AND CAN'T HAVE A CRUSH ON?
I AM THE EXPERT ON ROMANCE.
ME, NOT HIM.
AND THE LAST THING I NEED IS SOME INSUFFERABLE PRICK TELLING ME WHO I CAN'T DATE.
SERIOUSLY, GET THIS SMUG, NOOK SNIFFING BASTARD OUT OF HERE.
DIRK IS SUCH A DICK.
HE IS SUCH A DICK THAT DICK IS GOING TO BE HIS NAME FROM NOW ON.
WHENEVER I SAY THE WORD DICK IN THE FUTURE PLEASE ASSUME I'M TALKING ABOUT DIRK.
ALSO, DICK IS COMPLETELY DISRESPECTFUL OF MY PERSONAL SPACE.
I GUESS IT RUNS IN THE STRIDER FAMILY.
IF HE FLICKS MY HORNS WITH HIS FINGERS ONE MORE TIME I AM GOING TO SHIT SO MUCH RAGE SNAKE THAT THIS ENTIRE THINK PAN WILL BE FULL OF IT.
NOT THAT IT ALREADY ISN'T, BECAUSE WE BOTH KNOW YOU'RE FULL OF SHIT.

Comments

[fireflyheir]

Bu- ow ow ow Karkat-

[clearly the logical and mature thing to do here is reach over to pinch Karkat's nose as well you didn't say he couldn't.]

[malignantrage]

Stop that!

[Karkat makes a halfhearted attempt to swat John away, but he just ends up flailing his arms around.]

[fireflyheir]

You did it first!

[John: the most mature.

and he flails right back with one arm, he's not letting go until Karkat does! This will definitely end well.]

[malignantrage]

You did it second!

[And... yeah. Karkat isn't any more mature. In fact, he's probably worse. He isn't letting go.]

[fireflyheir]

That's not an argument!

[or. not one with any weight.

WELL THEN John will just. hold harder or something he's still determined to not let go]

[malignantrage]

Yes it is!

[Karkat is determned to do the same, but since he is a BIG FAT STUPIDHEAD he isn't breathing through his mouth. If John keeps pinching Karkat's nose he's going to suffocate. His cheeks are already turning red. He'll start wheezing soon.]

[fireflyheir]

Nope, definitely not, second doesn't win anything in this kind of thing.

[CONGRATULATIONS you have definitely found a way to freak John right out and also get him to let go! along with some frantic patting, because that is such a bad sign.]

Oh, shit. Karkat? Talk to me, buddy.

[malignantrage]

[Karkat gasps for air the moment John lets go of his nose. It doesn't take him long to catch his breath and start yelling again though.]

I couldn't breathe! What did you think was gong to happen?!

[fireflyheir]

[well he's okay then, but what. John backs off with the patting, at least.]

You were still talking, I thought you were fine! [how can you do that and not breathe???]

[malignantrage]

Well I wasn't.

[Karkat was too busy pushing the air through his vocal chords to let it stay in his lungs very long, that's how.]