dear_mun | Karkat made a new friend

OH MY GOD!
I SWEAR EACH SUCCESSIVE MUSE THAT ENTERS YOUR HEAD IS A BIGGER ASSHOLE THAN THE LAST.
I DIDN'T THINK IT WAS POSSIBLE FOR ANYONE TO BE MORE OF A DOUCHEBAG THAN DAVE
BUT SOMEHOW STRIDER NUMBER TWO PULLS IT OFF.
DIRK ACTS LIKE HE'S THE HOTTEST SHIT EVEN THOUGH HE LITERALLY BLOWS CHUNKS ALL THE WAY OUT THE PROTEIN CHUTE.
WHO DOES HE THINK HE IS TO TELL ME WHO I CAN AND CAN'T HAVE A CRUSH ON?
I AM THE EXPERT ON ROMANCE.
ME, NOT HIM.
AND THE LAST THING I NEED IS SOME INSUFFERABLE PRICK TELLING ME WHO I CAN'T DATE.
SERIOUSLY, GET THIS SMUG, NOOK SNIFFING BASTARD OUT OF HERE.
DIRK IS SUCH A DICK.
HE IS SUCH A DICK THAT DICK IS GOING TO BE HIS NAME FROM NOW ON.
WHENEVER I SAY THE WORD DICK IN THE FUTURE PLEASE ASSUME I'M TALKING ABOUT DIRK.
ALSO, DICK IS COMPLETELY DISRESPECTFUL OF MY PERSONAL SPACE.
I GUESS IT RUNS IN THE STRIDER FAMILY.
IF HE FLICKS MY HORNS WITH HIS FINGERS ONE MORE TIME I AM GOING TO SHIT SO MUCH RAGE SNAKE THAT THIS ENTIRE THINK PAN WILL BE FULL OF IT.
NOT THAT IT ALREADY ISN'T, BECAUSE WE BOTH KNOW YOU'RE FULL OF SHIT.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[he will play dumb as much as he likes! but really he knows, Karkat knows, so he might as well drop the guise.]

sometimes my facial muscles just get out of control, karkat.
but i am being totally truthful about not wanting to get stale!

[…

well, maybe. eventually.

he'd try to turn it off if he had any idea how to, it is kind of weird to be thought of that way after the initial ego boost! right now, though, he is just going to lean in and peer at Karkat's face, eyebrows rising a little.]

Huh.

[[also I apologise for being late, it's been a bit of a week.]]

YOUR FACIAL MUSCLES AREN'T THE ONLY THING THAT'S OUT OF CONTROL.
BUT FINE, I BELIEVE YOU.

[When John leans in it just makes Karkat flush a little redder.]

What do you want?

[[That's okay. It happens.]]

It's a real problem!

[all the better to see it, then!]

Just wanted to see. You look nice with a bit of colour on you!

Stop teasing me. It isn't as funny as you think it is.

[That is teasing, right? Karkat can never tell.]

I'm not. [or, well, not about that, at any rate.] I mean, we can't really make you blush all the time, I'm pretty sure that's unhealthy! But. If you wore something that looked good, maybe.

[Karkat just doesn't get it. No one wants to see the color of his mutant blood. It's both weird and embarrassing to hear someone say it looks good and he has a hard time taking comments like that seriously.]

What's wrong with what I'm wearing now? You don't like my shirt?

[well, it's not a great thing in the sense of there has been damage done there, but otherwise John doesn't entirely get how it's a problem.]

There's nothing wrong with it! It's a great shirt, it does exactly what a shirt needs to do. [what is under there anyway science wants to know] Just, maaaaaybe you could try one with a touch of colour on it.

The other trolls have color on their shirts. Go bother them.

[Karkat isn't changing his. He likes his douchey gray sign and his douchey gray text just fine.]

They're not you, though.

[so maybe it could be on something else instead. also this is the point at which he's going to drape an arm over Karkat, that totally counts as adding colour, right?]

[It adds color all right. Karkat can't stop blushing when John puts an arm around him. It probably says a lot that he isn't pushing it away.]

John, what are you doing?

[as is just and right but still awesome. John just grins, and reaches up to beep Karkat's nose with his other hand.]

Adding color, what else!

[Karkat just frowns.]

Don't touch my cartilaginous nub.

Sure, sure.

[he will just have to ruffle the hair well behind Karkat's horns, then.]

So is the cartilage sensitive? It it supposed to be?

Of course it is. It's as sensitive as your stupid human nose!

[Which he reaches up to pinch to prove his point.]

Bu- ow ow ow Karkat-

[clearly the logical and mature thing to do here is reach over to pinch Karkat's nose as well you didn't say he couldn't.]

Stop that!

[Karkat makes a halfhearted attempt to swat John away, but he just ends up flailing his arms around.]

You did it first!

[John: the most mature.

and he flails right back with one arm, he's not letting go until Karkat does! This will definitely end well.]

You did it second!

[And... yeah. Karkat isn't any more mature. In fact, he's probably worse. He isn't letting go.]

That's not an argument!

[or. not one with any weight.

WELL THEN John will just. hold harder or something he's still determined to not let go]

Yes it is!

[Karkat is determned to do the same, but since he is a BIG FAT STUPIDHEAD he isn't breathing through his mouth. If John keeps pinching Karkat's nose he's going to suffocate. His cheeks are already turning red. He'll start wheezing soon.]

Nope, definitely not, second doesn't win anything in this kind of thing.

[CONGRATULATIONS you have definitely found a way to freak John right out and also get him to let go! along with some frantic patting, because that is such a bad sign.]

Oh, shit. Karkat? Talk to me, buddy.

[Karkat gasps for air the moment John lets go of his nose. It doesn't take him long to catch his breath and start yelling again though.]

I couldn't breathe! What did you think was gong to happen?!

[well he's okay then, but what. John backs off with the patting, at least.]

You were still talking, I thought you were fine! [how can you do that and not breathe???]

Well I wasn't.

[Karkat was too busy pushing the air through his vocal chords to let it stay in his lungs very long, that's how.]

Karkat made a new friend

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