dear_mun | (no subject)

[ Pauses. Breathe. Stare. ]

Do you, Ichigo? D'you know how much that hurts, that you're not-- that you don't mean that much to them, in the end. 'Coz they can forget you, so damn easily.

[ He doesn't have a damn clue where any of this is coming from. Or what the guy's even talking about.

It pisses him off. And the more he hears, the angrier he gets. He's opening his mouth to fire back something loud and angry when, in the silence, he hears what's really lurking behind all of this.

Loneliness. Sadness.

And the anger fades. ]

Yeah.

[ Almost two years with no word. Almost two years of watching his friends - yes, even Ishida - moving on without him. Not needing him. After he gave up everything to protect them. They didn't need him, and the emptiness and isolation grew, day by day, until just looking at them hurt. ]

Maybe the situation's different, but yeah, I know what it's like to be forgotten.

[ He takes a step forward, frowning. ]

So let me tell you a little something about me. Kurosaki Ichigo. You say you know me? You don't.

Not if you think I'd forget you after I told you I loved you.

I don't forget people. I don't abandon people. I gave up my life twice. I gave up everything I had. I've been to hell so many times, and you think I'm going to forget?

No. Never.

So try it again. Tell me your name. And I'll show you who I am really am.

[ A beat, and the seriousness fades into a look of bewilderment as the rest of that sinks in. ]

Who the hell's Sousuke?

[ You know what it's like to be forgotten?

No, you don't. It's a bitter thought, where once it wouldn't have been. It's bitter because Naruto is sure Ichigo has never had a loved one fail to recognize him as completely as Ichigo once failed to recognize him. It's bitter because he doesn't want any more bullshit.

He's silent until Ichigo is done, almost snorting at the last, barely refraining from it.

Strange that he wants to believe him. Ichigo has that effect on people, and well Naruto knows it. It's why he was drawn to the other young man in the beginning.

But he's not in the habit of repeating his mistakes. ]

You don't forget people. I guess I was just the exception.

[ Just that forgettable. He titls his head, looks almost - nearly - weary for half a second as a jaunty smile passes his lips. ]

Sousuke. Aizen Sousuke. I know you know that name, even if you don't know mine.

What the hell does that mean?

[ The anger comes back in a flash, so strong it carries him forward another step. ]

You're gonna tell me you know me and then you're gonna say shit like that? I don't make exceptions. Never have. Never will.

[ It's a snarl, and he waves a hand at the rest. ]

Yeah. Aizen. I know Aizen. Sent him to Hell after he tried to destroy the world.

[ Three.

Two.

One... ]

Wait, what?!

[ He recoils immediately, blood draining from his face. ]

YOU SAID I DID WHAT?!

Yeah, you do. You did. [ Naruto doesn't back down, doesn't step back, he doesn't have a single reason to. ]

Or are you callin' me a liar now, Kurosaki Ichigo? You sayin' what I saw wasn't real? Gonna tell me that he wasn't you? That I can't tell the difference?

[ Go on, he thinks. Try it. Try it and I'll break your damn nose. ]

Edited 2012-03-01 01:23 (UTC)

[ He waits for it. Waits-

Waits--

And there it is. Familiar almost, like the denial Ichigo would once throw at him. Aizen means nothing. Liar. He was so good at it too.

Naruto stuffs his hands into his pockets, burying the itch to do something else with them. ]

You kissed him. Macked on him. Made out with him. Played tonsil hockey with the guy. Actually, you did it more than once. Seems as though you liked it.

[ He might not be physically hitting anyone here, but he's definitely not pulling any punches. ]

[ Part of him wants to scream at the guy. The other part wants to hit him. So, inexplicably, he starts laughing. Really laughing. He's laughing so hard he has to duck his head and stifle it with his palm.

It's only when the fit has passed and the laughter's died down to a chuckle that he looks up. ]

Yeah. Sure. Okay. Let me guess. Right between threatening to eat me and the two of us trying to kill each other. We just -- [ He snorts. ] What? Was it one of those trashy novels? Threw ourselves at each o-other and --

[ Too late, he loses it again. Laughing. And laughing. ]

[ Until his head snaps up and he lunges forward to make a grab for the guy's shirt. Whether he manages to get a handful of it is irrelevant. What's important is the glare and the low, furious growl underlying his words. ]

Yeah. Maybe I am calling you a liar. Why not? It's what you're doing to me!

For all I know, Kon's running around out there with my body, doing who the fuck knows what with it, and look, here's you. Claiming to know me. Saying shit about me that I'd never fucking do.

I'm a liar? Bullshit. So are you.

[ Naruto holds it in, all through that insulting laughter, he holds it in. Wonders how he could once love the sound that now only brings a hard-to-ignore itch to his palms. And he wonders why he said anything - why he bothered to talk at all - when this person, this Ichigo finds what he suffered through so fucking funny.

He's the only one laughing here.

Well, Naruto supposes, it's good that someone is.

He even holds it in as he's dragged close, because he remembers that violence isn't the way to go, and he's better than that these days. There is another way. There is always another way.

Almost always.

Sometimes. ]

Edited 2012-03-01 01:47 (UTC)

[ And sometimes the only answer is to wrench away, to swing your fist out and hold nothing back. No pulling punches, no attempt to. Why should he, when he's been laughed at? He doesn't. His fist lashes out, forward, a quick snap and strike to Ichigo's face before it's pulled back, just as quickly, and he slips away.

A minor retreat, every single bone in his body is wary, even if his face is almost a mask. ]

You're right. I don't know you. The Kurosaki Ichigo I knew would never laugh at another person's pain.

[ And with that, he's done here. ]

[ He doesn't see it coming. Oh, he knows that getting hit's a possibility, but the ferocity of this catches him by surprise and he doesn't stand a chance against it.

Ichigo's had his nose broken enough times to recognize what that sickening crunch, the blinding flare of pain, and the gush of blood down the back of his throat means. It doesn't prevent him from dropping like a rock to his knees or the grunt of pain. He's only human. He doesn't have his shinigami body to help dampen the pain.

But his head lifts and he looks through eyes narrowed by pain to the one who struck him. ]

Wasn't laughing at your -- [ He has to pause to spit out the blood collecting in his mouth. ] -- pain. Wasn't laughing at that at all.

[ He has never liked seeing Ichigo hurt. People in general, but Ichigo specifically. Whether the pain was physical or emotional, Naruto has never liked it, and he certainly has never taken any satisfaction in it. This hasn't changed. Even if, perhaps, it should. Even if he kind of wishes it had. It would be easier, if he could hate that face, that voice, if he could ignore the effects Ichigo's blood has on him. Seeing it...

It's enough to stall his retreat.

He could walk away from this person. He should. They're done. They were done months ago, he's still clinging onto ghosts by engaging in conversation and he knows it. He's let slip far too much.

But he doesn't like seeing Ichigo in pain, and he especially doesn't like being the cause of it.

Does he believe Ichigo? Not especially. It's an easy thing to say on hindsight, isn't it, and he's been hurt too much in the past. What else could Ichigo be laughing at? The absurdity of it? Except it isn't absurd to Naruto.

This, however, is. It's not the answer, either. He knows better than this. He was taught better than this. ]

I'm sorry. That wasn't fair. [ So he starts with that. His expression might still be wary, but the hand he holds out to help Ichigo up - should he wish to avail of it - is offered with no hesitation.

Does he expect to get punched in return? Yes. At least a little. ]

[ He's expecting him to walk away. When he doesn't, Ichigo just blinks up at him, confused. He'd snort if he knew that it wouldn't hurt. But it would, so he doesn't. Shaking his head hurts too, but it's a hurt he can live with. ]

Life isn't fair.

[ It's muffled, a little nasal, and he lifts a hand toward the proffered one. ]

But neither's being a dick. I was being a dick.

[ Clasping the guy's hand loosely, he gets to his feet and lets go, not wanting to infringe too much on the personal space of someone who's got a problem with him. ]

Just... [ He blinks watery eyes, wishing he was good with kidou, and that he could use it as a human. ] Caught me by surprise's all. Sorry I pissed you off. More'n that, I'm sorry I hurt you.

[ That one, he can't deny. Too often, life isn't fair at all. But neither was that sucker-punch. If he'd wanted a fight, there were better - more just - ways to go about it. ]

Yeah, you were kinda being a dick. [ He's nothing if not honest. The thing is-- ] But then so was I, and you're the one who's got a busted nose 'coz of that.

You can hit back, y'know.

[ He tugs Ichigo to his feet. The young man's grip is loose. Naruto's is not. It's firm, sure, like quiet steel, at least until Ichigo is on his feet and Naruto is sure he hasn't inadvertently given him a minor concussion. He doesn't think he hit him that hard.

He peers at that bloody nose, concern edging in on his expression. ] No. It's not-- [ An abated sentence and Naruto glances away. No point in beating around the bush. Truth is truth after all. ]

You don't know me. It's not your problem. [ He shrugs, because it isn't. ] How's your nose? You got any techniques to fix that?

Can. But I won't. M'not that kinda guy.

[ The guy's strong. Sure in his grip on Ichigo's hand. He knew what he was doing with that punch, and it makes him wonder who he is. What he is. A fighter, that's for sure. ]

Yeah it is. [ His disagreement is immediate. ]

You know me, right? Or you know someone who says they're me. So either something happened to me that made me forget you or someone's fucking with you. Makes it my problem.

[ He makes a noncommittal noise and shrugs. ] It's broken, but it'll heal. Happens about once a month anyway. It's okay.

[ And it is. Broken bones heal. Pain fades. It's what's left that's important. So Ichigo looks at him, really looks at him, and holds out his hand again. ]

Look. If it's my fault, I'll fix it. If it's not, well, I'll fix it anyway. Okay? S'what friends do, right? Those important people. You say I'm one of yours? That makes you one of mine.

No. You're not.

[ It's not right for him unless it's fair. Naruto knows that, and he tries to keep the fondess out of his expression before it gives him away, ducking his head instead, into a nod. Not that kinda guy at all. He never was.

He's not quite expecting Ichigo to disagree with him though. Not on that point at least. He stalls as a result, uncertain. ]

Mn. It's... maybe it wasn't you at all. [ He doesn't want to make this Ichigo's problem, it turns out. Just as he didn't want to make it his problem the last time he forgot. Those old habits, they do die hard.

And he can't hide the tiny smile. ] Once a month, huh. Still a fighter, Ichigo. [ It's not okay. If he can fix it, he would like to try, but he's momentarily distracted by Ichigo's hand. For a breath or three, he just stares at it. ]

You don't even know my name... [ It's not accusatory this time, merely matter of fact, if quiet. This is not Ichigo's problem. It really, really isn't. ] And still tryin' to fix everything. [ Sotto voce, even as he holds out his hand, grips familiar palm, familiar fingers and holds. Shakes. ]

Uzumaki Naruto. [ Ichigo has no reason at all to believe him, but there he goes, believing him. Naruto would be surprised except, how could he be? Clearing his throat, he nods at that nose. ]

Friends don't let friends bleed all over the ground. Lemme take a look at that.

Won't know until we look into it, right?

[ He's not letting it go. Guy's trying to give him an out. He sees that. He just chooses to ignore it. Life's not about taking the outs. Ichigo learned that lesson a long time ago. ]

Heh. [ The tiny huff of amusement makes his nose throb. He doesn't care. ] Like that'll ever change.

[ Smart people don't try to be friendly with the people who've punched them in the face, but Ichigo's never been smart. He goes with his gut, follows his instincts, and those instincts say he can trust this guy, nameless or no. ]

No, but I've got time to learn it, right? [ He doesn't do a lot of handshaking, but he knows how it goes, and his grip is strong and sure despite the way his face aches. ]

Uz-- [ He doesn't even finish repeating it. Why should he? He remembers what Naruto said about friends. ] Naruto. Right. It turns out I'm a bigger dick than I thought I was, I'll get your name tattooed on my hand. Can't forget it then, can I? [ Off the cuff and flippant as it is, he isn't kidding. ]

Sure. [ He steps closer, leaning in slightly as he closes his eyes. ] You know medicine?

Mnngh. You don't like taking hints, huh? [ Naruto pauses. Snorts to himself. ] No, it's not that, you just don't wanna. [ When being subtle doesn't work, being obvious sometimes gets the job done. Even if he knows it won't in this case. Ichigo has about as hard a head as Naruto does. The shinobi scratches his neck idly and shakes his head, feeling that old amusement bleed on through.

He really hopes it never changes. Ichigo's loyalty to his friends, his temper, they're what make him, him. ]

You've got time, yeah. Least-- [ A slight hesitation. No, he's not about to go shoving his way into this person's life. ] That depends on you. [ But he returns that strong grip, appreciates it for what it is. Ichigo, not holding back.

Yes, he missed that. And he's pretty sure Ichigo has to be kidding on the tattoo thing, so there's another snort. ] How about I just get a name tag instead? [ And maybe there's a grin, though it's brief. ] Don't want you stuck with something for the rest of your life.

[ Stings to say that, to Ichigo. Ironic, perhaps. Naruto shakes it off easily. ]

I know some field medic stuff. [ He's only semi aware that he's using a combat term. Sakura is a field medic. A shinobi field medic, so it's the only phrase he knows for it, really. ] Except, I'm not a medic. [ Just a shinobi, with some chakra to spare. ] I can't fix this, but I can help it along. [ He thinks.

And falls silent then, cupping Ichigo's face but barely, letting the soothing glow of chakra suffice his fingers, then Ichigo's flesh. Bones he can't fix like Sakura could, but muscles and capillaries, he has had those things drilled into him. Those, he can work on. ]

[ It's true. He doesn't take hints. Ichigo does what he wants. Always has. Always will. The half-formed smirk curving his mouth is all the answer he thinks he needs.

And he would roll his eyes if he didn't think it might be misunderstood. Because there's hurt here. Real hurt, and he doesn't need zanpakutou to realize it. He hurt this guy, Naruto - see, I still remember - even if he doesn't know how. And everything he says, those little comments that brush his own worth aside or toss the ball back in Ichigo's court, tells him that he's expecting to be abandoned again.

So maybe the handshake is a little firmer than necessary. And maybe Ichigo looks at him a little too intensely. ]

I don't consider it "stuck" when it's people who matter. [ It's a little vehement. He doesn't need to remember anything to know that he's not feeding Naruto a line of bullshit. ] I consider it having some good luck for a change.

[ The explanation of field medic stuff is good enough for Ichigo. ] I know some clinic stuff. Can't do the stuff my dad can, but I can handle the little things. Bandages. Stitches. Heh. I'm pretty good with those.

[ With his eyes closed, he can't see what Naruto's doing. Only feel the warmth of his hand as he just barely touches him. That, and something else. Something that cools the agony and mutes the pain. ]

That feels good. Whatever you're doing... S'nice.

[ Nice enough to lean into it a little further. Nice enough to slit open his eyes and look at his healer. He lifts a hand, touching the side of Naruto's shoulder. ]

Thanks, Naruto. I owe you one. [ A pause as he searches his face. ] More'n one. Think I owe you a lot, one way or another. I'll make it right. Whatever it takes. I promise.

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