Kurosaki Ichigo 「 黒崎 一護 」 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
1stguardian) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
dear_mun2012-02-29 05:55 pm
1stguardian) wrote in dear_mun2012-02-29 05:55 pm
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(no subject)
All right. What's the plan now?
Or don't you have a plan? You don't, do you? Can't say I'm surprised. You never know what you're doing.
Whatever. Just don't take forever figuring it out. I've still got a lot left to do and I don't have time to wait on you.
Or don't you have a plan? You don't, do you? Can't say I'm surprised. You never know what you're doing.
Whatever. Just don't take forever figuring it out. I've still got a lot left to do and I don't have time to wait on you.
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[ Just in case there is anyone in the restaurant, or halfway down the block, who might be laboring under the assumption that he is, that scream probably clears it up. But he’s too flustered to care. He just won’t come back for a few weeks. Months. Maybe a year. After a year, and wearing a wig, no one will be able to recognize him.
Naruto isn’t listening. Or at least it seems like he isn’t, because he’s talking about doing it with the team and just no. Ichigo whimpers again, cringing in his nearly horizontal slump in the seat. ]
Playing soccer. Playing in a game! I’m not doing -- doing that -- with anyone! [ And then, with one last outburst that’s half pleading for sanity and half aggravation, he tries again. ] There are no gangbangs!
[ He’s said this word too many times already. More than he’s ever said it in his life, and it’s all been this day and where the fuck are the hollows? There’re always hollows. Are they on some kind of vacation now or what?!
Finally, he gets through to him. It’s that blinking. It’s the confused look. It’s the quieter tone and the no longer scandalized expression. ]
No! I’m not being paid to s-sleep around. Or… Or strip or do anything else! If you know I’m not like that, then why did you think that I’d….
[ It’s Ichigo’s turn to blink, catching that last bit. They teach people in Naruto’s home how to sleep around. Is that why he asked? Because he was taught that? He blinks, shakes his head, drags his attention back to the matter at hand.
And then winces again. ]
No. Why would I? There’s no one here that… [ Scratching at the back of his neck, he glances away. The skin on the back of his neck is still hot. He’s still flushed. Still embarrassed. This isn’t helping. ] No one’s interested in me. And I’m not interested in them.
[ He shrugs. ] Besides, it should be special right? Kissing people? [ Now he sounds like a damn girl. Sighing, he rakes his fingers through his hair. ] If I do anything, I want it to be because I’m with the person, you know? Not just for the hell of it. I’m not… I’m not like that.
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No gangbangs. Got it! [ He does too, for the most part. Ichigo seems pretty obstinate on this score, as well as embarrassed. As well as annoyed. Naruto doesn't want him blowing another blood vessel here. ] Even if you were, it's not a horrible thing an' all. Well, okay, it kinda is because you're better than that. I just meant. Uh.
But. Okay. No gangbangs. Got it. [ He does. Totally. Sits up a little straighter and tries to look attentive. He's not sure he can explain to Ichigo the whys behind his assumption. I know you're not like that, but you kinda fooled around on me. In a way. So. Maybe.
Naruto shakes his head, clearing his throat. ] Sometimes I guess, people can do all kinds of things they don't wanna. Maybe it was something I didn't know about. Some weirdass part of your life. I dunno. [ It doesn't sound like truly a solid explaination even to himself, because it's only half of his reasoning. Shrugging again Naruto slides away from that topic and sort of on to another. There's Orihime, he thinks, if Ichigo would just look at her and see for himself...
He finds his eyes lingering on that blush. Another old habit. One he can't help. ] There's plenty of people interested in you. You just gotta see that. Trust me. There'd be a line around the block if people thought you were looking for that kinda thing. [ With a tiny smile.
He chins one hand and lays his menu on the table, though his eyes remain on Ichigo all the while. ] Mnn. It should be special. But, it feels real good so if you found someone you-- [ --maybe not a direction he should be heading in. Trying to think of a way to assure Ichigo, what he comes up with is this: ] Well, if it helps at all, you're an awesome kisser. You do this thing, with your tongue and... [ Naruto trails off, looking monetarily distracted. ] I mean, when you do find someone, you don't have to worry!
[ He nods, staunchly. ] You'll blow them away.
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Sitting up a little, Ichigo leans against the edge of the table, tilting his head in Naruto’s direction. His voice is quiet hiss. Pointless, perhaps, given that everyone’s already heard their business. But he’ll be damned if he’s going to keep shouting. ]
Stop talking about stripping and gangbangs, all right? I’m not a stripper. I’m not a… whatever the hell they’re called. If they’re called anything. Why am I still talking about this? Just drop it. Unless this is some kinda weird attempt to talk me into stripping for you. Helpful hint? Embarrassing me isn’t the way to go.
[ Settling back, he rubs idly at the top of the table with his fingertips. It’s a nervous gesture. Awkward. He still wants to crawl under the table and never come out. ]
The weird times of my life start with an “S” and end with a “hinigami.” The rest of it’s pretty normal. Really. No kinky weirdness, okay?
[ He doesn’t even need to think about what Naruto’s saying. He just shakes his head. ] No they wouldn’t. And it doesn’t matter. Remember what I said earlier? [ He hopes so, because he isn’t going to repeat it. ] That counts. And I don’t want them to be interested. They’ll only be disappointed, because I’m not that kinda guy. I’m not just gonna date around.
[ A blink. Than another. Ichigo feels like he’s been doing a lot of this today, but that’s an odd thing for Naruto to say. Although if they were together, maybe it makes sense that he knows. Ichigo, for his part, knows that asking would be bad. But his curiosity is piqued, and he can’t let it go. ]
What thing with my tongue?
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M'not trying to get you to strip for me. If you think that's all I'm here for then you can take this meal and shove it up your ass. [ It's about as blunt as ever. Naruto's intentions aren't that low. It's not his problem is Ichigo is easily embarrassed! ... which is a lie. It is. It's certainly his fault.
He stares elsewhere for a while. At the little noodle place at large. People are still staring at them. Naruto turns his scowl on one of the patrons, until the turn their eyes anywhere but him. And Ichigo. ]
You were never really normal. S'why you're not gonna be a doctor. [ It's just a murmur, barely an answer really, he's hardly thinking as he says it. But it's kind of true. Ichigo can't really chalk all the weirdness in his life down to the shinigami. His life would have been weird anyway. Or maybe extraordinary would be a better term.
Kinky weirdness. The other Ichigo he knew used to be like that too. Didn't understand a kink? It was weird. Naruto was weird. The ninja nods, sullenly and doesn't say anything. ]
So. You think the perfect person is gonna fall into your lap one day? [ He takes the chopsticks - Ichigo's too, and pointedly starts building a fort out of them. Shut up, he's feeling restless now. This is how he covers those nerves. ] S'not how it works. If you want someone, you gotta go after 'em. If you stand around waiting for them to come to you...
S'like letting chances pass you by.
[ He pauses, balancing those chopsticks, oh-so-carefully. and then glances up as Ichigo says that and. ] Uh. [ There goes the chopsticks! Naruto grumbles under his breath, picks them back up and resumes building. Except it's rather distracted now. ] It's. A thing. You do. When you kiss. It feels. Mn. Really good. Like-- Like, uh. ... [ He tries searching for the words but really, he's a doer, not a talker in that regards. ] Ah, I dunno how to explain it! I can do it, but I can't explain it!
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He doesn’t have the right attitude. A guy’s yelling about personal, embarrassing things that he doesn’t do, and he’s the jerk for getting mad. His sense of humor’s shitty too. Because now he’s the asshole who apparently thinks people might actually want him to get naked. But hey, maybe it’s just because he isn’t normal. Never was, never will be. His beliefs are wrong, his values are wrong, hell, he’s wrong too.
It pisses him off. It hurts his feelings, although that isn’t something he’ll readily admit. No matter what he does, who he becomes, he’ll always be the punk everyone looks down on. Always be that brat with the stupid hair.
His voice is low, very quiet, and his eyes lift from the table. ]
You know, Naruto, for someone who claims that I’m such a great guy, you sure are quick to make sure I know I’m not good enough for you. And you know what, that’s fine. I’m not asking anything of you. I’m not expecting anything of you.
[ Shrugging, he sits up a little further in the seat. He can’t feel the eyes on him anymore. Now that the show’s over, the other patrons have problem gone back to their meals. ]
You wanna blame me for the shit that other guy did to you? Okay. That’s fine. I can take it. You wanna take your anger and hurt and whatever else out on me? Go ahead. I won’t break. [ His eyes narrow in a sudden spark of temper. ]
But don’t sit there and play the victim. Don’t act like I’m judging you. I’m not telling you to shut up. I’m not thinking you’re some kind of freak out to take advantage of me. I’m trying to talk to you. Trying to get to know you. Be your friend. And that’s not going to change. So go ahead. Do your worst. Because I’m not leaving, and I’m not such a coward that I’m going to be scared off.
[ The rest of it hardly seems to matter now. So he watches Naruto build his little chopstick sculptures and he listens to something he doesn’t really need to know. He’s not going to be kissing anybody. And it wasn’t even him that could do it anyway. Just a guy with his face. Some kind of twin he never even knew he had. ]
It’s all right. You don’t have to. Just because he could do it doesn’t mean I can. And there’s no point trying to learn something I’m never gonna use.
[ He casts a glance at the menu, spies something he hasn’t ever ordered here. ]
Currynanban. That’s what I’m having. [ He arches an eyebrow at Naruto. ] You seen the server around or have we scared her off?
[ Like nothing happened. Like hadn’t just been snapping at each other. ]
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When did he start turning into a person he couldn't stand being around? He genuinely cannot remember. But he does not like it. Has never liked sullen and borderline bitter criticisms falling from his mouth. He's thought--
No. He'd known. Wasn't it why he'd councils himself against coming here? All those of ghosts, better left in their graves. All those wounds too slow to heal. All that he's lost right here, staring him in the face, telling him, you still make me feel like shit. Ichigo is right. That's not the part that cuts the most. It's the notion that he could make Ichigo feel just as Ichigo had once made him feel.
Like dirt. Like something less than. Like he wasn't good enough. He remembers that poison. He still has it inside him. Maybe that's why there's a bitter taste in the back of his mouth. Maybe that's the cause.
He sets his hands onto the table, palms flat. Takes a breath. What is he doing here. Really? What did he hope to achieve? Regain a friendship lost? Rekindle something else? The part of him that is utterly honest whispers of that hope but upon it, he realizes how laughable it is. How wrong it is.
Moving forward means no looking back, doesn't it? Here, now, he'll end up dragging this young man back to that place. It's inevitable. He did it before, he remembers all too well the pain in Ichigo's eyes then. Here, now, he's already managed a cut or two. He's already managed to wound someone who was only aiming to help.
I never got to say goodbye last time, he thinks. I never got to say thank you. It's a swift and it's desperate and as soon as he thinks it, he knows he's already made a decision.
So he takes another breath. Manages a smile, quiet, but honest. ] Yeah. You're right. M'being a dick. Would ya' look at that. Nothing's changed. [ Delivers it somewhat sheepishly and without rancor. Pauses upon it and raises one hand to watch the attention of a passing waitress. She nods, but her hands are full and he watches her head for the kitchens first.
No looking back.
But he does look up, over, to Ichigo. ] You were always the better person. [ And maybe he can lay at least one ghost to rest with that, solid in the assurance that this is right. ] You were always good enough. You always could'a done better than me. I always wondered, why you settled.
[ Another ghost laid to rest with that one. There's just one more, as Naruto stands, that one hand still on the table as he uses it to brace himself so that he can lean and--
This isn't fair. He knows it. You don't thieve a young man's first kiss like this. You don't take what isn't freely offered, but, he thinks it's a perfect example of why Ichigo is the better man. Thinks, you're wrong, you'll learn it. You'll use it. Sometime. You'll get there.
As he presses his mouth to Ichigo's briefly, fiercely. Pauses long enough to murmur out an apology. ] Sorry. Had to. One last time.
[ The goodbye he never claimed in Ukiyo, he steals here. Then moves his hands through the seals of the kawarimi technique. When he disappears, the only thing he leaves as evidence of his existence is a small, deceptively innocent shuriken, lodged rather firmly in the seat of his chair. ]