Kurosaki Ichigo 「 黒崎 一護 」 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
1stguardian) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
dear_mun2012-02-29 05:55 pm
1stguardian) wrote in dear_mun2012-02-29 05:55 pm
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(no subject)
All right. What's the plan now?
Or don't you have a plan? You don't, do you? Can't say I'm surprised. You never know what you're doing.
Whatever. Just don't take forever figuring it out. I've still got a lot left to do and I don't have time to wait on you.
Or don't you have a plan? You don't, do you? Can't say I'm surprised. You never know what you're doing.
Whatever. Just don't take forever figuring it out. I've still got a lot left to do and I don't have time to wait on you.
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He leaves his window open at night, but it’s only because the shinigami will come in whether he does or not and he’d rather they not tramp through the house and wake up his family. Naruto’s certainly never come in through it. And he’s never been to a castle, much less fallen in a moat and nearly drowned. He can’t recall eating an éclair, or explaining coconuts, and the only time he’s ever tried to learn to play the guitar was in his room at home, when he was twelve and still thought maybe he’d be a rock star some day.
He isn’t the guy Naruto knows. Knew. He doesn’t know him, likely never will as much as this other guy did. This guy who wears his face and has his voice and apparently is a substitute shinigami with two sisters, the same friends, and an obnoxious father.
Me but not me, he thinks, watching Naruto as he tries to explain something Ichigo thinks is probably damn near unexplainable. Sorry you found the shitty version. I wish you could’ve found the right one.
There’s no rancor in the thought. No anger. It is what it is. He wouldn’t want the defective model either.
Naruto’s request for clarification about moving on trips him up, and he shrugs, shaking his head while he tries to figure out an answer. It’s not me that you want. So what? What’s forward from this? The problem is, there isn’t a forward. Not for him. But Naruto… ]
I help you find him. Figure out what went wrong with him, and fix it. Get his memory back. [ And that’s what he’ll do. Talk to Urahara. Figure out how to move to other realities. He’ll find the guy, fix whatever stupid shit happened to his head, and then everyone gets a happy ending. ]
Wouldn’t it suck if you found out I only had a hundred yen on me? [ Light, playful, and he smirks, the expression feeling more at home on his face than the smile. ] Don’t worry. I got paid yesterday. I have plenty of money.
[ Pushing open the door, he takes a step inside, holding it so Naruto can follow. ]
Eat as much as you want.
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He knows he hasn't been doing a good job of making Ichigo feel any better about any of this either. And it isn't about to change. Not with what he has to say next. ] Uh. No. I don't need t'look for him. [ He tilts his head, earnest and a little awkward. ] We're not. Mn. Together. [ Right. Yeah. Not awkward. At all.
Naruto shifts, uncomfortably. ]
Ah. How do I say it? I told him-- I told him we were done. So, really, I shouldn't have gotten angry like I did anyway. He'd be better off, if he forgot again. [ Anyone would. Considering.
Swallowing the dryness in his throat, he tries to move away from the subject. Move forward, as he told Ichigo. Easier said than done, of course., but he manages a snort at the idea that Ichigo could possibly not have enough money to cover his bill. ] You'd be washin' dishes for a week...
[ Because yeah, Naruto would so make himself scarce in that case. Or he'd like to think he would. Most likely he'd cave and crawl back and help the other young man out. He blinks when Ichigo kind of sort of holds the door open for him. ] Thanks... M'gonna do that! Running here got me kinda hungry.
Y'know, I don't know any places around here. [ Too casually. ] You know any good places for chocolate desserts?
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[ For a moment, that’s all he can think to say. Because he thought differently. From the way Naruto had yelled at him earlier, from the things he’d learned, he’d thought that they were together. He’d thought a lot of things, and they are apparently all of them wrong.
Fall for the guy who doesn’t want you, eh? A thin tendril of sympathy curls through him for his other self. That figures. Story of his life. It almost makes him want to laugh. ]
I thought… Yeah, well, okay. [ One awkward scratch at the back of his neck, not knowing what to do with his hands, and he nods. ] Guess that’s out then.
[ Not knowing what else to say, he dives into the change of subject. It’s less embarrassing that way. For both of them. ]
I already do. Sometimes. It’s not so bad. I don’t mind.
[ Chocolate desserts? He has to think about it, mentally running over a map of this section of town. ]
Actually, yeah, I do. There’s a bakery three streets over, four blocks up. I get cakes there for my sister sometimes. She loves raspberries and they make this torte kind of thing? I don’t know, but she likes it. [ A pause, and he clears his throat.Not cool, Kurosaki, talking about your sisters like that. ]
You thinking you’re gonna have room for dessert?
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Oh. He could do better anyway. All the things Naruto already knows, all in that single, two-letter word. Naruto says nothing to it, but he can feel his shoulders hunch, not defensive but resigned. Things he already knows.
He's better off. They both are. There's no need for that oh. Ichigo - the one he knows - will do better than him. Hell, he was on the way to doing that while they were together. Naruto raises one shoulder, a half shrug.
He takes a tiny guess then. ] You thought we were... still a thing. [ It's not much of a leap, given the context and the topic up until now. He could almost laugh himself. Maybe they'd still be a thing if he hadn't-- ] We were. For a long time but.
Yeah. That's out.
[ No point, and he's quick to drop the subject completely here. It's not difficult either because he is confused and so, there is a question. ] You already wash dishes? What?
[ And he almost kinda smiles a little then, both that Ichigo can recite the location of a dessert place and the fact that it's because of his sister. Scratch that, he is smiling a little. ] For Yuzu? [ It's a guess. Yuzu always sounded like maybe she'd have more of a sweet tooth, but he isn't certain. ] Heh. You're still the big brother, aren't ya'?
[ It hasn't changed. And he's glad. With a small shake of his head, he leans the way into the noodle place. glancing back to smirk a little. ] No. I was thinking you might.
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Right, then. No attempts to get them back together. No attempts to... Ichigo doesn't even know what he was planning to do. The thought is a vague, nebulous thing that doesn't coalesce no matter how much he prods at it. Something. He was going to do something. But now he can't anymore because they're not together and it sounds like maybe Naruto doesn't want them to be.
Okay. He can respect that. ]
Not all the time. But sometimes, yeah. I do odd jobs. Anything anyone will hire me to do. Hell, I even rent myself out to the clubs at school. Did. I used to. Don't think I need to do that anymore.
[ It's a quiet, cryptic comment that, after he's said it, he thinks maybe needs an explanation. ]
For a while, I lost my powers. Turned into a normal guy. Thought I was gonna go to med school. So I started saving up. For school, for my own place, that kinda thing. [ A shrug.
But the mention of Yuzu makes him smile again. ] Yeah. Between you and me, I think she's trying to figure out how to make that thing herself. She cooks. I don't know. It's her thing.
[ Following Naruto inside, Ichigo huffs - in lieu of a snort - under his breath. ] You kidding? I always have room for dessert. Go a little easy on my wallet, oh bottomless noodle pit, and I'll spring for it afterward.
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Naruto wouldn't blame him. There isn't anything else to say, at the least, which is probably for the best. Talking about what happened has never - will never - be easy for Naruto. It's easier to stick to other topics. Topics like how, apparently Ichigo has rented himself out to--
Naruto pales a little. In his shock (and near horror) he almost does a double take. ] You rented yourself out to-- What kinda-- [ What kinda school was it, that they'd allow that? Naruto had no idea. Ichigo had never told him this. ] I mean I... if it's something you like then that's... but Ichigo, you're better than that! Damnit, you know that!
You're smart and-- I know... okay, I know that you got a good body-- [ Okay. He has to amend this. ] --you got a great body and it's great that you don't mind showing it off I. Guess? [ He trails off for all of half a second. ] I mean, you can really move. [ Vaguely, Appreciative. Before stumbling back to the point. ] B-but you're better than that! You are! You don't need to do that anymore, damn straight! Don't go doin' that anymore, alright?
[ Under his breath he adds. ] What the hell kinda school do you go to anyway. Saving up or not. That's. Not okay.
[ He only barely manages to swerve back to the subject of Yuzu. Still unsettled. He nods though, and feels his lips curve as well. ] I see. So that's what she likes, huh? Haha, once she figures it out, she'll bake 'em for you though! I mean... she will, right?
[ Another educated guess. She seems like the type who would. And who would insist everyone have one. As he glances back, Ichigo huffs, which is better than the alternative, less pain and no possibility of blood. Naruto meanders his way to a seat while laughing under his breath. He'd hope Ichigo would say something like that.
With a grin, he slides into a booth. ] Sit your ass down, and I'll show you how to really eat noodles. [ He reaches for the menu. ] If you're treating me to dessert, I'll even go easy on that wallet of yours.
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Listen, it's not that bad. I mean, the first time I volunteered, so it isn't like anyone forced me into it. It was just a dumb idea, I didn't think anyone would take me up on it. But they did, and I guess they were impressed by my performance, because word got around and suddenly everyone wanted me.
[ He can't quite help the smirk, confident but not quite arrogant. His tone's too matter of fact for arrogance. And really, Naruto's the one who brought it up. He's the one who mentioned the condition of Ichigo's body. ]
I don't really blame them. I'm the best in the school, everyone knows it. Because of the shinigami thing. All that training. It makes me faster, stronger, have better endurance. Put me in the best shape of my life.
[ Ichigo still doesn't see what the big deal is. The school doesn't object, and for the first time, the sports teams actually win a few games. At least while he's on the team. That sparks an idea. Maybe if Naruto sees firsthand that no one's working him to death... ]
I'm done with it, yeah. Well, after tonight. I told the soccer team they could have me for one last night. Y'know, a last hurrah before my retirement kinda thing. [ He nudges Naruto with his elbow. ] You should come. Check it out. I promise it'll be fun, and -- [ He winks, remembering one of Naruto's previous comments. ] -- I'll even break out a few moves you've never seen. Just for you. If you come.
[ Oblivious to the misunderstanding that he's in no way cleared up, Ichigo nods. ] Oh yeah. She'll make it and then frown at me until I eat it. She's a good kid. Takes care of the rest of us. Dad's always so busy, and me and Karin aren't really domestically inclined. It works out.
[ Taking a seat opposite Naruto, Ichigo slips a menu from the little holder at the end of the table and glances over it. He knows what he wants, having a tendency to get the same thing when he comes in. But he looks anyway. Just in case they've gotten something new. ]
Eat up, though. Really. I've got plenty. Dad's trying to make up for being a jerk about the whole power loss thing and gave me cash to go "have fun." So if you empty the wallet, I've still got some in reserve. [ He tips his chin in the direction of Naruto's menu. ]
What're you getting?
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Performance --- Never mind that he has images of Ichigo doing just that. Never mind that he think the guy would be really fucking good at it, once he tossed aside his shame. Oh god. What if he tossed aside his shame?! ] ...please don't throw away your shame... [ A quiet wail, into the table. He could see why everyone would want Ichigo but. Really.
REALLY. ] An' you say it so easily too. [ Best in school. SCHOOL FOR WHAT?! Better endurance. Naruto doesn't quite moan, it's too quiet for that. More like a whimper.
He manages to hold it all in until. That. That! Which is when he raises his head and-- ] NO! NO GANGBANGS! I'M NOT GONNA WATCH THE SOCCER TEAM HAVE YOU ONE LAST NIGHT! [ It's loud enough to turn more than a few heads. Raise more than a few eyebrows, but Naruto is oblivious, he is appalled. ] I don't care how much money you need, or if you think it's okay, it's not! You're way better than that! An' what kinda school d'you go to anyway?! You're supposed to learn stuff, but not that stuff!
DONT WINK AT ME! [ Spluttering! Go! ] It's just--- Giving a guy ideas-- Saying things like 'if I come'! You got stamina and everyone wants you, but that don't mean you're gonna do this anymore! No more weird shit! [ He's on a roll, taking this massive miscommunication and going with it. ] I never thought you were that kinda guy! No, you're not that kinda guy, did you hit your head?! Maybe it's a genjutsu! I dunno, but you can't do this anymore, Ichigo! No way!
[ He pauses then. Panting, looking somewhere between earnest and still horrified. He tries to get back on track, talking about Yuzu, who sounds like a good kid, but oh god is it hard. ] She takes good care of you, don't reward her by takin' off yer clothes for people. [ As his face meets the table again. ] Poor Yuzu! Her big brother's fallen so far, but he still gets her cupcakes.
[ With a low rumble of sound, he tilts the menu toward his face, which is still level with the table, and eyes it, looking like his will to live has evaporated. ] M'gonna have to put you back on the straight an' narrow... But, I'll probably have the tonkotsu ramen, until then.
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He hears something that sounds suspiciously like "shame" drifting up from the table, and his brow knits briefly, wanting to point out that the only one here with no shame - who lays all over a table?! - is Naruto. But he doesn't really focus on it, too concerned with how the guy's attitude has taken this weird, inexplicable turn, and really, if he would just sit up Ichigo could...
Could...
Blink, jaw dropping into a slaw, uncomprehending stare as Naruto starts bellowing things that sound never be said at high volume in a public place. Too blind-sided by the shouting, Ichigo doesn't quite comprehend what he's yelling about. Just that he's yelling obscene things in the restaurant. Until he mentions Yuzu and taking his clothes off and suddenly, with the inexorable horror of an avalanche, Ichigo realizes that there's been a most unfortunate misunderstanding. ]
WHAT?!
[ It's his turn to yell, the abrupt blossoming of heat in his face telling him that he's gone redder than he's ever been in his life. ]
YOU THINK I'M -- YOU -- I'M NOT -- GANGBANGS!!!!
[ That's a shriek, one from which he immediately cringes away, and he sinks like a stone in his seat. His hand lifts, palm almost slapping over his eyes before he remembers that yes, his nose is broken and touching it would be bad. The sound he makes comes precariously close to a whimper - dying from mortification is not, unfortunately, possible - and he slips down further, shoulders hunched, eyes focused on the table, waiting for the world to swallow him or a hollow to attack or something, anything, to get him out of this. ]
You think I'm a whore. [ It's soft, stunned, a tangled mix of offended hurt and angered dignity. ] You think I'd -- That I'd sell -- [ He can't even get the words out. But his head snaps up and he fixes Naruto with a furious glare. ]
SCHOOL CLUBS. EXTRACURRICULAR ACTIVITIES. Like soccer? I PLAY FUCKING SOCCER FOR THEM. THEY PAY ME TO GO TO A GAME AND KICK THE OTHER TEAM'S ASS. I PLAY SPORTS!!!
[ He runs out of steam, realizing that yes, again, he's shouting. ]
I don't -- I'm not a whore. I don't -- For fuck's sake, Naruto, I've never even kissed anyone, let alone fucked a goddamn soccer team.
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What. Wouldn't the first time that has happened with Naruto. Except. This time, it isn't exactly what happens. ]
What? WHAT WHAT! DON'T SHOUT AT ME! YOU'RE THE STRIPPER HERE! [ Naruto is quick to meet like with like, he's vaguely mollified that at least Ichigo has the decency to look mortified! ] That's good! You should be goin' all red after the things you're been doin'!
[ Then there's the denial. Ah, sweet, sweet denial. In spite of the volume, Naruto squints at Ichigo, not quite convinced at first. Even when Ichigo freezes and shrinks back down in his seat, Naruto isn't convinced. ] Yeah, yeah GANGBANGS! [ Just in case there are some patronage left in the place who haven't heard that word yet! ] I heard what you said! About the team and doin' it with you! You ought'a be ashamed of yourself, y'know!
[ Does he think Ichigo is a whore? ] No. Hell no. [ Even if he were gangbanging every soccer team the world over, Naruto wouldn't think he was one of those. ] You'd never be that. Wouldn't matter what you did, you'd never be that.
[ Not to Naruto at least. He can sell his body around all he likes. He's no whore to Naruto! Though the shinobi does wish he wouldn't... He's about to add this, maybe plead for Ichigo to find his morals once more - Naruto can totally help him! When... ]
Eh?
[ There follows some furious, clueless blinking upon Ichigo's (totally uncalled for what!) outburst. Naruto leans back in his seat, slightly taken aback by that vehemence. ] You play soccer with them too? [ No wait. For them. ] What?
[ What? Oh. Wait. Really? He gets paid by the soccer team to-- Naruto 'ohhhhs', softly, as suddenly this all makes a lot more sense. ] So you're not being paid to sleep around. [ Way more sense, when he says it like that. Still blinking at Ichigo, the shinobi braces his elbows on the table and leans in a little. ] Well, why'd you think I was so pissed off! That's not you! I know that already! I just-- Maybe there were some weirdass reasons for it? I dunno, they teach some people back home how to do it-- [ Shinobi. Who specialize in assassinations. Still. Staying on topic, kind of, he titls his head. ]
You've never kissed anyone? Or done any of that stuff? Really? ...why not? People gotta be lining up for a chance with you. [ Which is the god's honest truth, from Naruto's perspective. ]
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[ Just in case there is anyone in the restaurant, or halfway down the block, who might be laboring under the assumption that he is, that scream probably clears it up. But he’s too flustered to care. He just won’t come back for a few weeks. Months. Maybe a year. After a year, and wearing a wig, no one will be able to recognize him.
Naruto isn’t listening. Or at least it seems like he isn’t, because he’s talking about doing it with the team and just no. Ichigo whimpers again, cringing in his nearly horizontal slump in the seat. ]
Playing soccer. Playing in a game! I’m not doing -- doing that -- with anyone! [ And then, with one last outburst that’s half pleading for sanity and half aggravation, he tries again. ] There are no gangbangs!
[ He’s said this word too many times already. More than he’s ever said it in his life, and it’s all been this day and where the fuck are the hollows? There’re always hollows. Are they on some kind of vacation now or what?!
Finally, he gets through to him. It’s that blinking. It’s the confused look. It’s the quieter tone and the no longer scandalized expression. ]
No! I’m not being paid to s-sleep around. Or… Or strip or do anything else! If you know I’m not like that, then why did you think that I’d….
[ It’s Ichigo’s turn to blink, catching that last bit. They teach people in Naruto’s home how to sleep around. Is that why he asked? Because he was taught that? He blinks, shakes his head, drags his attention back to the matter at hand.
And then winces again. ]
No. Why would I? There’s no one here that… [ Scratching at the back of his neck, he glances away. The skin on the back of his neck is still hot. He’s still flushed. Still embarrassed. This isn’t helping. ] No one’s interested in me. And I’m not interested in them.
[ He shrugs. ] Besides, it should be special right? Kissing people? [ Now he sounds like a damn girl. Sighing, he rakes his fingers through his hair. ] If I do anything, I want it to be because I’m with the person, you know? Not just for the hell of it. I’m not… I’m not like that.
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No gangbangs. Got it! [ He does too, for the most part. Ichigo seems pretty obstinate on this score, as well as embarrassed. As well as annoyed. Naruto doesn't want him blowing another blood vessel here. ] Even if you were, it's not a horrible thing an' all. Well, okay, it kinda is because you're better than that. I just meant. Uh.
But. Okay. No gangbangs. Got it. [ He does. Totally. Sits up a little straighter and tries to look attentive. He's not sure he can explain to Ichigo the whys behind his assumption. I know you're not like that, but you kinda fooled around on me. In a way. So. Maybe.
Naruto shakes his head, clearing his throat. ] Sometimes I guess, people can do all kinds of things they don't wanna. Maybe it was something I didn't know about. Some weirdass part of your life. I dunno. [ It doesn't sound like truly a solid explaination even to himself, because it's only half of his reasoning. Shrugging again Naruto slides away from that topic and sort of on to another. There's Orihime, he thinks, if Ichigo would just look at her and see for himself...
He finds his eyes lingering on that blush. Another old habit. One he can't help. ] There's plenty of people interested in you. You just gotta see that. Trust me. There'd be a line around the block if people thought you were looking for that kinda thing. [ With a tiny smile.
He chins one hand and lays his menu on the table, though his eyes remain on Ichigo all the while. ] Mnn. It should be special. But, it feels real good so if you found someone you-- [ --maybe not a direction he should be heading in. Trying to think of a way to assure Ichigo, what he comes up with is this: ] Well, if it helps at all, you're an awesome kisser. You do this thing, with your tongue and... [ Naruto trails off, looking monetarily distracted. ] I mean, when you do find someone, you don't have to worry!
[ He nods, staunchly. ] You'll blow them away.
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Sitting up a little, Ichigo leans against the edge of the table, tilting his head in Naruto’s direction. His voice is quiet hiss. Pointless, perhaps, given that everyone’s already heard their business. But he’ll be damned if he’s going to keep shouting. ]
Stop talking about stripping and gangbangs, all right? I’m not a stripper. I’m not a… whatever the hell they’re called. If they’re called anything. Why am I still talking about this? Just drop it. Unless this is some kinda weird attempt to talk me into stripping for you. Helpful hint? Embarrassing me isn’t the way to go.
[ Settling back, he rubs idly at the top of the table with his fingertips. It’s a nervous gesture. Awkward. He still wants to crawl under the table and never come out. ]
The weird times of my life start with an “S” and end with a “hinigami.” The rest of it’s pretty normal. Really. No kinky weirdness, okay?
[ He doesn’t even need to think about what Naruto’s saying. He just shakes his head. ] No they wouldn’t. And it doesn’t matter. Remember what I said earlier? [ He hopes so, because he isn’t going to repeat it. ] That counts. And I don’t want them to be interested. They’ll only be disappointed, because I’m not that kinda guy. I’m not just gonna date around.
[ A blink. Than another. Ichigo feels like he’s been doing a lot of this today, but that’s an odd thing for Naruto to say. Although if they were together, maybe it makes sense that he knows. Ichigo, for his part, knows that asking would be bad. But his curiosity is piqued, and he can’t let it go. ]
What thing with my tongue?
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M'not trying to get you to strip for me. If you think that's all I'm here for then you can take this meal and shove it up your ass. [ It's about as blunt as ever. Naruto's intentions aren't that low. It's not his problem is Ichigo is easily embarrassed! ... which is a lie. It is. It's certainly his fault.
He stares elsewhere for a while. At the little noodle place at large. People are still staring at them. Naruto turns his scowl on one of the patrons, until the turn their eyes anywhere but him. And Ichigo. ]
You were never really normal. S'why you're not gonna be a doctor. [ It's just a murmur, barely an answer really, he's hardly thinking as he says it. But it's kind of true. Ichigo can't really chalk all the weirdness in his life down to the shinigami. His life would have been weird anyway. Or maybe extraordinary would be a better term.
Kinky weirdness. The other Ichigo he knew used to be like that too. Didn't understand a kink? It was weird. Naruto was weird. The ninja nods, sullenly and doesn't say anything. ]
So. You think the perfect person is gonna fall into your lap one day? [ He takes the chopsticks - Ichigo's too, and pointedly starts building a fort out of them. Shut up, he's feeling restless now. This is how he covers those nerves. ] S'not how it works. If you want someone, you gotta go after 'em. If you stand around waiting for them to come to you...
S'like letting chances pass you by.
[ He pauses, balancing those chopsticks, oh-so-carefully. and then glances up as Ichigo says that and. ] Uh. [ There goes the chopsticks! Naruto grumbles under his breath, picks them back up and resumes building. Except it's rather distracted now. ] It's. A thing. You do. When you kiss. It feels. Mn. Really good. Like-- Like, uh. ... [ He tries searching for the words but really, he's a doer, not a talker in that regards. ] Ah, I dunno how to explain it! I can do it, but I can't explain it!
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He doesn’t have the right attitude. A guy’s yelling about personal, embarrassing things that he doesn’t do, and he’s the jerk for getting mad. His sense of humor’s shitty too. Because now he’s the asshole who apparently thinks people might actually want him to get naked. But hey, maybe it’s just because he isn’t normal. Never was, never will be. His beliefs are wrong, his values are wrong, hell, he’s wrong too.
It pisses him off. It hurts his feelings, although that isn’t something he’ll readily admit. No matter what he does, who he becomes, he’ll always be the punk everyone looks down on. Always be that brat with the stupid hair.
His voice is low, very quiet, and his eyes lift from the table. ]
You know, Naruto, for someone who claims that I’m such a great guy, you sure are quick to make sure I know I’m not good enough for you. And you know what, that’s fine. I’m not asking anything of you. I’m not expecting anything of you.
[ Shrugging, he sits up a little further in the seat. He can’t feel the eyes on him anymore. Now that the show’s over, the other patrons have problem gone back to their meals. ]
You wanna blame me for the shit that other guy did to you? Okay. That’s fine. I can take it. You wanna take your anger and hurt and whatever else out on me? Go ahead. I won’t break. [ His eyes narrow in a sudden spark of temper. ]
But don’t sit there and play the victim. Don’t act like I’m judging you. I’m not telling you to shut up. I’m not thinking you’re some kind of freak out to take advantage of me. I’m trying to talk to you. Trying to get to know you. Be your friend. And that’s not going to change. So go ahead. Do your worst. Because I’m not leaving, and I’m not such a coward that I’m going to be scared off.
[ The rest of it hardly seems to matter now. So he watches Naruto build his little chopstick sculptures and he listens to something he doesn’t really need to know. He’s not going to be kissing anybody. And it wasn’t even him that could do it anyway. Just a guy with his face. Some kind of twin he never even knew he had. ]
It’s all right. You don’t have to. Just because he could do it doesn’t mean I can. And there’s no point trying to learn something I’m never gonna use.
[ He casts a glance at the menu, spies something he hasn’t ever ordered here. ]
Currynanban. That’s what I’m having. [ He arches an eyebrow at Naruto. ] You seen the server around or have we scared her off?
[ Like nothing happened. Like hadn’t just been snapping at each other. ]
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When did he start turning into a person he couldn't stand being around? He genuinely cannot remember. But he does not like it. Has never liked sullen and borderline bitter criticisms falling from his mouth. He's thought--
No. He'd known. Wasn't it why he'd councils himself against coming here? All those of ghosts, better left in their graves. All those wounds too slow to heal. All that he's lost right here, staring him in the face, telling him, you still make me feel like shit. Ichigo is right. That's not the part that cuts the most. It's the notion that he could make Ichigo feel just as Ichigo had once made him feel.
Like dirt. Like something less than. Like he wasn't good enough. He remembers that poison. He still has it inside him. Maybe that's why there's a bitter taste in the back of his mouth. Maybe that's the cause.
He sets his hands onto the table, palms flat. Takes a breath. What is he doing here. Really? What did he hope to achieve? Regain a friendship lost? Rekindle something else? The part of him that is utterly honest whispers of that hope but upon it, he realizes how laughable it is. How wrong it is.
Moving forward means no looking back, doesn't it? Here, now, he'll end up dragging this young man back to that place. It's inevitable. He did it before, he remembers all too well the pain in Ichigo's eyes then. Here, now, he's already managed a cut or two. He's already managed to wound someone who was only aiming to help.
I never got to say goodbye last time, he thinks. I never got to say thank you. It's a swift and it's desperate and as soon as he thinks it, he knows he's already made a decision.
So he takes another breath. Manages a smile, quiet, but honest. ] Yeah. You're right. M'being a dick. Would ya' look at that. Nothing's changed. [ Delivers it somewhat sheepishly and without rancor. Pauses upon it and raises one hand to watch the attention of a passing waitress. She nods, but her hands are full and he watches her head for the kitchens first.
No looking back.
But he does look up, over, to Ichigo. ] You were always the better person. [ And maybe he can lay at least one ghost to rest with that, solid in the assurance that this is right. ] You were always good enough. You always could'a done better than me. I always wondered, why you settled.
[ Another ghost laid to rest with that one. There's just one more, as Naruto stands, that one hand still on the table as he uses it to brace himself so that he can lean and--
This isn't fair. He knows it. You don't thieve a young man's first kiss like this. You don't take what isn't freely offered, but, he thinks it's a perfect example of why Ichigo is the better man. Thinks, you're wrong, you'll learn it. You'll use it. Sometime. You'll get there.
As he presses his mouth to Ichigo's briefly, fiercely. Pauses long enough to murmur out an apology. ] Sorry. Had to. One last time.
[ The goodbye he never claimed in Ukiyo, he steals here. Then moves his hands through the seals of the kawarimi technique. When he disappears, the only thing he leaves as evidence of his existence is a small, deceptively innocent shuriken, lodged rather firmly in the seat of his chair. ]