dear_mun | Really need to revise an app

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canon: ms paint adventures

Really need to revise an app

HEY!
hey u
werent u supposed to be doing something
like i dunno
doing those revisions to the app
come on u got a whole team of people to beta it this time around
stop being lazy and get it done
i have to get to my boys and make friends with aradia
srsly that girl is pretty awesome and i want to make team curly a reality
no i dun cur if ur gonna have to cross cr u were already doing that with dirk
and ngl but having a big bad be a void monster thing still sounds hella interesting
lets make this happen already

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

powercap and stuff is the norm yeah
which is also there and sucks a lot
capacity limit happens less
its cuz theres this whole team business
like people live with each other and play the games 2gether
kind of like pseudo family
or is family
cabin doki doki lvl change the definition
it is kind of a pain but the knight waiting list is low so i shouldnt wait too long

nah he didn't cuz hes on a team and not a knight
teams gotta quest for evrythin
thats who i give quests too
if the mun is rememering right the only knights from our universe have been the knights
the other bro and the cute shouty troll
rest r/were on teams
so not a lot of advantage taking
its a walk thru a bigass park
across the whole fuking realm
gonna have frozen fingers but its not an obstacle course
unless i get there the particularly icy day or decide to go parkour for some crazy reason

course i would have
but now i can just be constant rogue guardian angel for two
and part time for every1 else
instead of u 2 and six other people
24/7
i dont even know how to keep up with 8 willful people at all times
especially since id probs end up on 1 of the more bad decision prone teams
with the whole team configuration and personality stuff going on
and y!
somewhere else tho
ur bro is hanging out with johnny boy with one of my bosses currently
i think its the shipper one
not mom was there so long she actually got the real good end thing and shes off helping aather land somewhere else but comes visit sometimes
and can be called
other u should be able to tell me that so i can have a proper freak out and probs do that whole crazy phone cliche
oh gog do i call
what if i sound stupid
i should call
but nooooo
and then every1 watchin can just be frustrated until someone shakes me since they can shake the stupid out of me instead of just a screen
and then i can call and i dont know
have feelings i guess

Let me get this straight, the people who were knights get to stay knights.
And the people who weren't knights get to pick something else.
Or are all the positions arbitrarily assigned like they were in SBURB?
I don't even know who decided I had to be a prince with dumbass pantaloons.
Lamest god tier clothes ever.
Makes sense that I'd get assigned to a destroyer class, though.
Wrecking people's shit is all I do.

For what it's worth, I think you'll be a great guardian angel.
It doesn't matter whether it's for a group of 4, 8, or 16.
Nobody knows how to keep people together like you.
And you won't have to worry about us much.
I can take care of myself, and Jake if it comes to that.
He's still my bro no matter what.
You just focus on the others and ask for help if you need it.
I'll back you up any time, keep those assholes in line.

You should call.
She's your mom/daughter, so I'm sure she'll be happy to hear from you.
For all you know, she's been looking forward to it as much as you have.
I bet she'd be excited.
I wouldn't mind hanging out with my bro either.
One of these days I'm gonna find him so we can kick it together.
Shit'll be tight as fuck.

its assigned
that whole amnesia thing makes it hard to choose tbf
but they even got the uniforms and all color coded
tho i think u were spared the pantaloons
u r an amazing wrecker of shit

man i dunno
humans aint carapacians
even right now ive only met six humans and thats counting the few seconds with mom
its gonna be a hell of a learning experience
i kno u can
still gonna at least evenly divide focus if not focus on u two
friends first
i got my priorities
just gonna have to remember/be reminded of em
stupid amnesia thing

yeah yeah
i know i will
i hope she has tho
dont want to see like a total dork being the only one looking for to it
kind of awk then
itd just be getting out the words i think
other u did get the chance to do that at least
shit was sorts of awesome
(and apparently amusingly cute)
(but my source does have a strange definition of cute)
havent had much luck in meta space then?

Thank fuck for that.
I'm never wearing those things again.

Maybe, but I have faith in you.
Whenever we were in a jam you always pulled through for us.
I'm not sure where our group would be without you, Rox.
Probably nowhere.
It's not like we were getting shit done anyway.

I haven't been here long.
I had a chat with the guy who's always trolling me.
He tried to gank my shades.
Can you imagine? The nerve of that guy.
Then I got into a rap battle sword fight with another version of myself.
Only he was older, bigger, and he had an orange hat on his head.
I think he was my alternate bro's bro, if that makes any sense.
I won of course.

Then I saw you here and I said to myself: "Hey, why don't I catch up with Roxy? I haven't talked to her in awhile."
Things were awkward when I left.
We had this massive fucking falling out with each other and then we all died and god tiered.
After that I got punched in the face by a dog girl space witch.
Still don't know what the fuck was up with that.

could be worse
at least it didnt have a codpiece

hey ur were the one who got a lot of shit done
cant help it when theres only so much shit to get done
i just kind of tripped over some plot points
got kidnapped to plot points
or dream of em
which i was only dreaming cuz i got kidnapped
that is probably some fucked up subversion of damsel in distress right there
oh hey u got jacked
but instead of just being helpless heres plot!

u mean callies jerk bro
yeah i talked to a few of him to
that is rather nervey
like all sorts of presumptuous not just anyone can touch strider shades
gotta fill out like fifteen different forms and have years of exposure to the strider experience
and then maybe
still waiting for my acceptance letter
(always been kind of tempted to try on ur shades)
oooo yeah that makes sense
met a version of that version of you
except it was a girl so that was weird
seemed pretty cool when she stopped being a ninja douche
congrats on ur win~

...
ah
yeah
i remember that
that was jakes other grandma that punched u
batterwitch is pulling all sorts of strings everywhere
and some other troll girl who came out of fucking nowhere
being kidnapped i of course got court side seats to the entire thing
suffice to say there will be a lot of shit that needs doing when u get back from wherever jade teleported u
but yeah i remember the falling out part
most people i talked to havent tho and u were all encouraging so i guess i assumed u didnt either

I thought codpieces were only for clowns.
Or bards.
Or both.
Clown bards. What the fuck.

I tried.
Got a little gold star for that.
It didn't amount to much.

Yeah, I talked to Callie's jerkass bro.
He seemed even more cocky than usual, if that's even possible.
The rap battle was awesome though.
There were so many sick fires and dopeass rhymes.
I can link you to it if you want.
Everyone should see it.

That's some cosmic fucking justice right there.
Broke up with Jake and got socked in the face by his grandma.
I bet she didn't even know.

Yeah, I remember the falling out.
Roxy, just in case I don't get the chance to say this later, I'm not disappointed in you.
I never was.
I'm proud of you.
You faced your problems and did something about them.
That's more than the rest of us did.

so far but u havent seen jake in his godtier outfit yet
i would not be surprised by how much worse u could get that pantaloons
tho holy shit does that boy have nicer legs
didnt think anything would make that more obvs than the short shorts but there ya go

it got us into the game instead of all being dead
kind of liked that i didnt stay as the dead body on my floor
mb im just weird like that

eh he just seemed annoying as always
unless you met big font him
all sorts of crazy there
and hell yeah i want a link
why do u even need to ask how can i deny myself the chance for epic strider fires

probably not tho i dont even know what people know right now
wasnt able to talk to jake at all
but last i heard it was jane badgering jake and jade was chasing her bro
not much opportunity
but jake was accepting of what happened when i talked to him
acknowledged that he was being an asshole
n ngl
break up is nooooot likely to be his biggest problem right now
or maybe concern
i dunno if this hopesplosion thing is good or bad yet

[Some pretty noticeable delay here. Suddenly so many feelings.]

holy shit dirk
gotta warn a girl b4 saying stuff like that
how am i supposed to deal with that
how did you even know i was-
it was janey wasnt it
ugh stupid pm tag
i
fuck

No, I haven't.
I take it his outfit is even more revealing then mine.
That figures.

I could never leave you dead, Roxy.
Or Jane either.
What kind of friend would I be if I let everyone die?

Here's the link: rap battle sword fight
Shit got intense.
I can't remember the last time I had such a worthy opponent.
Bro is awesome. That's all there is to say on the matter.

I haven't been able to talk to Jake either.
Or Jane, or you.
I was stuck in the middle of nowhere trying to get back to you.
That's the last thing I remember.

Yeah, it was Jane.
She always comes through in a pinch.

[Dirk pauses here too. There's so much more he could add, like how much he admires Roxy and how she's everything he wants to be. That's exactly the kind of effusive praise we don't need though. Dirk has already said all he wanted to say, for now.]

Fair enough.
I'll warn you next time.

ooooo yeah
it makes the short shorts look modest
and i think it somehow shaved his legs???
they looked hella smooth

worse kind of friend
good thing u aint
but thats my point
u were all heroic and shit saving us after the universe destroying thing happened
even got some of my neighbors into the medium
which totes justified my time wasting in herding em there
before the whole trickster dealie that was p much the biggest thing that could be doing

oh gosh
it is a literal crime that i do not have popcorn in this headspace
why do i not have popcorn that is badassery that deserves popcorn
or maybe a fan
i dunno if cheer like at a wrestling match or try not to swoon from the vapors
at those two fine specimens of manliness

im fine for the record
i can apparently make shit out of nothing now
only pumpkins and cubes and horrifying spikyballcube hybrids
working on doing more
jake and jane are
not
dying?
or being tortured or anything
at least i dont think so
jane got tiaratopped because it was totally the brainwashing machine we knew it was
made her tap into her dark side
and jake doesnt seem like hes in pain
all tapping into the power of hope and releasing something that i think is supposed to be angels all over the damn place
shit be cray cray right now
but theyre not dead or anythin so thats something
could be worse

she is good at that
when shes not dark side anyway

[It really is for the best. Roxy is still kind of reeling from what he's said so far. She'd probably have some sort of break if he gave her too much. It was really a good call on that effusive praise.]

[It was hard enough to keep it together as it was. Dirk's opinion mattered a lot to her. Probably more than was necessarily healthy, but there it was. For him to be proud of her, to not be disappointed for screwing up (again), falling off that wagon, and being a rather major dick to him...]

thanks

im still gonna apologize
not just for fucking up so dont go all that stuff is supposed to be hard to get over and sometimes people stumble or any of that stuff they talk about movies and books about addiction
tho i still kind of am cuz i still fell off the wagon and that was terrible ):
but i was such a DICK to u
i dun cur if i was magically insane drunk girl
i shouldnt have tried to kiss u or put a ring on u
that was so mega uncool it might as well be the core of the sun

just
dont think that this stupid crush of mine is the reason ur important to me?
cuz its not
im just kind of obsessed with macking on someone and its a problem i think

Edited 2013-09-14 19:12 (UTC)

Not gonna lie, that sounds hot.
Don't forget Jake is just as responsible as I am for saving you.
We all owe our lives to the J man.
Got a feeling that'll be even more true after the hope explosion thing.

I'm glad everyone is more or less okay.
I'll try to get back before anything bad happens.

You were on a magical sugar high.
I think anyone would've fallen off the wagon at that point.
And it's not like your feelings were a startling revelation.
I always knew how you felt.
The ring was... awkward, but I'm not angry with you.
I never was.

[If anything Dirk feels guilty that he can't return her feelings. He can't say that though, because Roxy would feel bad about making him feel guilty. It would be this vicious cycle of guilt and that's the last thing he wants. She should never feel bad for being true to herself.]

I can't give you what you want, but that doesn't mean I don't care.
I hope someday you meet a guy who loves you like I never can.
No one deserves it more than you.

And you're not the only one who was obsessed with macking on someone.
When I made my move on Jake I wasn't thinking about anyone else.
I didn't consider Jane's feelings at all, or even Jake's for that matter.
I essentially bullied him into a relationship that he may not have even wanted.

Which is to say nothing of the way I ignored you.
I have no idea how you must've felt watching me mack on another guy.
It had to have hurt, even if you saw it coming a mile away.
But you never said anything about what a dick move it was or what an asshole I was being.
You just accepted it.

You don't have to tell me I'm more than just a stupid crush to you, Roxy.
I already know.

fyeah it was
nuh uh he saved jane n u
but u kissed me before lopping off ur head and that body didnt need a kiss wake up call
so that time was all u
unless red death would have killed me again if dream you hadnt arrived but cmon i was more ready for that shit then
i am like 99% sure i wouldnt have died again by red spike
but yeah hes probs gonna do some saving now
or doom us all
1 or the other

uuuuuuuh
mb 2 late for that
i mean were all fine!
but theres like a small chance jakes grandma got hit by a just death
shes brainwashed so i dunno 4 sure

mmmmrg
i still hate it
first thing i do when i dont give a shit about anything is go drinking
its annoying and i hate it

[Oh. Oh, he wasn't mad?]

[That.]

[But he SHOULD be is the thing. She really had been a terrible friend to him. He was right, she would feel terrible she caused him guilt because it would be such a bullshit thing to feel guilt for and bluh bluh why were they such stupid teens.]

[And he was being so sweet and just saying...saying a lot of things she doubt would happen. (Then again, John was totes legible.) And saying things that she tried so hard not to think about because she was still gonna try to be a good friend and he shouldn't feel bad for some of it.]

i know you care dirk
as much as you try to act like a stone cold motherfucker i know
you care a lot n thats why ur a pretty amazing friend

i dont think jake even really thought his feelings thru much either
n jane didnt even realize u had a thing for him until i pointed out
...
yeah okay i am not gonna sugar coat it
all yall were all kinds of ridiculous with the love triangle thing
n when everything stops going to hell in a handbasket i have half a mind to just sit u all down and have a talk
or mb even go make a pile and make it an official feelings jam
i will go troll srs about this
tho it sounded like u and jane made up some so at least youll be part way there
but both of u need talks with jake

n of fucking course i accepted it
you didnt owe me anything on that front dirk
we werent dating
you didnt lead me on
you did absol-fucking-utely nothing to make me think you and me being a thing was ever gonna happen
and if i expected you to not try to find love because of my feelings then i would be a terrible friend
because as much as you say no one deserves it more than me
i am p damn sure u deserve it a whole lot too
if i cant make u happy that way then its good SOMEONE could
cuz as much as any rejection/jealous/wahtever feels might suck
it was still pretty nice to see you two happy together
weve had too much shit in our lives for me to not be happy for you
and im sorry that it couldnt have lasted

maybe well find ourselves some red relationships that work
maybe we wont
but i can say this
doesnt matter when i get over my silly feelings
youre stuck with me dirky boy
through all the doki dokis
and whatever stupid things we do because lbr were kind of dumb
until we get our heroic asses killed or time ends
were gonna be friends
right?

I couldn't have taken you on that sweet ride unless he kissed me back to life, so there's that.
I don't know if a hero of hope can doom people.
Doom is a separate thing.

Well, shit.
Jake's gonna be pissed about that.
Whoever killed her better watch out.

Yeah, Jane and I talked.
I don't know if either of us are over him yet.
We were both hungover and we basically said, fuck it.

I know I didn't owe you anything.
I never would've held off on romance for you, it's just...
It's one thing to get your best bro to make out with your severed head and another to do it with an audience.
Epsecially when that audience includes two people who were into him and you.
If I had it to do over again I would change that.
Hell, I never planned it in the first place.
Shit did an acrobatic fucking pirouette off the handle when my AR got involved.
None of my plans went the way they were supposed to.
I never would have put you or Jane in danger.
Suffice it to say, I lost control of the situation entirely.

I think I'll keep my distance from the doki dokis for awhile.
But you'll never get rid of me that easily.
We're always gonna be friends.
That's never not going to be a thing.

well he isnt the prince of hope at least
(the troll is alright but a bit cray cray)
but im not putting it past paradox space til he does more than dbz style power up
esp with that worrying lord english style text

mmmmmmmaybe
she was kind of killed by this troll girl
who seems to be kind of directing jake a lil bit
like srsly i am not sure where jake is gonna go
its hella worrying ):

fuck it all is the usual reaction to hangovers
too much misery to give a shit
but hey its a good first step
u 2 will be able to figure it out

i thought it was the red strings of death that made it all go off the handle
only thing lil hal did when everything was going to hell was making sure i wasnt dead and asked what the hell i was doing to be running around like a cluckbeast with its head cut off around the colony
and told me to get home while u and he handled the double j situation
smartly not giving me details cuz those two jesus
then it went to shit when red thing skewered me
so like ninety-nine percent certain hal didnt have any ideas to get jane and me deliberately killed
that red shit was from out of the universe anyway
p sure u couldnt actually plan for that
kind of surprised u had the whole time loop thing down as quick as you did
tho yeah it was a dick move to have jane watch that
but we did have a time limit and probs a bad idea to have just dumped us somewhere else before that
all the move were dick moves in the efforts to save us
n honestly i was too 'oh shit how can you even manage to kiss a dead head jake?!'
still kind of shudder at the thought
uuuuugh why do dead bodies have to feel so cold and wrong and be bloody
gross gross gross
2 much gross cannot be even bothered to feel other things

i think most of our group has decided that
you guys really burnt yourselves out on your dokis

so its agreed
gonna stick to each other forever
bffs and all that
thanks dirk

Not sure which troll you're talking about.
I just heard doom was a thing.
It sounds like shit's getting complicated over there.
Wish I could get there sooner.

Fuck it wasn't our reaction to the hangover.
It was our reaction to getting Jake'd.
I haven't figured out anything.
Except that I should probably apologize for going off on him.

The thing you have to understand is that there was an entire series of complicated events orchestrated by Hal.
I know it strains the limits of credibility to comprehend how he subtly manipulated the chain of events and forced us all to follow his orders so he could set the whole thing up, but I know he did.
I guess you can't understand it from your perspective.
Jane didn't get it either.
Jake's probably the only one who's with me on this and I can't talk to him.
You have no idea how frustrating that is.

Once the sequence of events was in place I had no choice but to play along.
And yeah, it would've been a bad idea to dump you guys somewhere.
I wouldn't want you to think that I'd abandoned you to make out with Jake.
I had already made a big enough ass of myself.

That's right, palebros for life.
I don't understand half the shit Karkat says about troll romance, but I think I've got this quadrant.
You can be my moirail and I'll look out for you.
We'll always be there for each other.

uuuuuh
i dunno who it is
she has horns like vriska
but its not vriska
fuck do u even know who vriska is?
like a two pronged fork and the other horn has like this...barbed thing
everythin is getting hella complicated
clown just entered the scene
shit always goes down when the clown gets involved

no no no
thats what i mean
when ur hungover
everything is fuck it
also legit reaction to getting jaked
and you probably should
hes all sorts of worried that you two hate him or something ):
knows he fucked up too
def get those mutual apologies on
u kno
when hes less hope splodey

i am totes a legit person to talk about about hal
jake is probably the worst
i mean hal was all about fooling jake and that is no way to build a relationship
and jane is probs just skeptical anyone could do that much
though gotta clarify one thing first
do u mean the hurt as in just seeing the kiss
or do u think he meant for jane and i to die?

better move was taking us with you
true facts
gross kiss aside

lol
u got to talk to shouty about the romance too
its hella fun to hear him go
(you should have talked to callie about her thoughts on troll romance she was so cute about it)
as far as ive heard were pretty good for the diamonds
protecting each other in all the ways and the deep affections
<>
thats moirail version of <3 if u dont kno

No, I don't know Vriska.
I could probably ask Karkat since he says he's their bigshot leader and all.
So you're telling me the clown is there?
It's not like there are any more unprototyped kernelsprites for him to fling corpses at.

I don't hate him.
I was pretty upset, but... I overreacted.
You guys came flying up in rainbow pastels shouting marriage proposals.
I promptly flipped my shit.

I think he meant for you both to die so I could kiss you back to life.
He never meant for you to stay dead, because he knew I would save you.
Does that make sense?
No matter how complicated and self-aware he was, a computer program can't have a sexual orientation.
As such, his romantic inclinations were indiscriminate.
I think he wanted me making out with everyone.
Remember all the flirtlarping you two did?
Do you really think he didn't know how badly you wanted that kiss?
Not that I minded, I'd kiss you alive any day.
I'm just saying he had ulterior motives.

I share the same headspace with that shouty little shit.
He's so much fun to tease.
It doesn't even take effort.
Just poke him a little, it's like stirring up a hornet's nest.
You might see him around here soon because he's fed up with me.
I wouldn't put it past him to write a long, angry rant to the mun about it.

And yeah, I know what the symbol is.
<>

the troll girl kind of gives me the heeby jeebies
but that might just be cuz she saw me
and yeah hes there
no idea why
not sure why half of the stuff is happening just kind of is
thats why i was trying to observe but nooooo
troll girl is cheating somehow

trickster was a reasonable thing to flip at
i was freaked when they came for me
all kinds of creepy and crazy and i asked to be thrown back in jail
i could deal with jail cell i was not ready for that crazy
i know u dont hate him and i told him that
hes just kind of worried since it was a whole hot mess

oh gosh hal being a super shipper for you is so cute and creepy all at once
its weird
and kind of sad
i should probably talk to hal about that whole flirtlarping thing

but sides crazy shipper desires what would be the point in havin you kiss us 2
he knew u were only attracted to jake
there was absolutely no way he mixed the big neon said that said 'dirk not interested in girls'
even if he did it for me
jane didnt want to kiss u
unless he meant for me to kiss jane and didnt account for the gross out factor
is our evil mastermind just a really rabid shipper

lucky!
love teasing that fun
or just chilling
hes so cute when he lets his guard down <3~
ill have to get the mun to pay attention so i can talk to him too

:3

I was as much to blame as he was.
Maybe even more.
But this isn't the blame game.
I just want my best bro back.

The thing is: Hal gives fuckall about my orientation.
I don't know if he really wanted me to kiss you that badly or if he was only doing it to fuck with me.
Maybe both.
At first I didn't care because it all worked out in the end.
We got into the game safe and sound.
It wasn't until later that I found out what he said to Jake.
Maybe it's just sour grapes talking, but I feel like he sabotaged our relationship.
He turned what was supposed to be a sweeping romantic gesture into a horrifying ultimatum.
I can't justifiably blame all my problems on him, but he undeniably had some influence on both of us throughout the course of our interactions and that influence was indisputably detrimental to our partnership and possibly our friendship as well.

You think Karkat is cute?
You're not going to tell me you have a thing for him, are you?
Not that there's anything wrong with that.
I can't say for certain when he'll show up.
He's too busy getting chased around in a meme at the moment.

id say just go fifty fifty rly
itll work out
he doesnt want to lose you guys either

sorry to say dirk
kissing dead head was in no way gonna be romantic
as hard as jake tried with that volcano thing
ultimatum is also a dick move tho yeah
and hes certainly part of the whole trainwreck that whole thing turned out being
i would never say he wasnt doing some manipulating or taking advantage
but ima say it
the extent ur putting on him makes u seem a bit paranoid
lets just discount janey for a minute for the shipping
cuz she could have just been the 'dirk needs to be waking up his dreamself to save her n making dream self primary for time shenanigans'
and i dont know all her circumstances personally
but i know mine
so serious question
the red miles killed me
gcat is the reason i left my house
and i have been fighting hungry neighbors and drones for years and hadnt died yet
hal talked to me once after the red miles entered the picture
how did he make sure i died?

only so much of a thing as i have for anyone i would totes go on a date with
not saying im ready to go marry him or have all the sloppy make outs
but i like him enough to entertain the possibilities
chased around
did he get in a fight with someone

Maybe you're right.
I've had a lot of time to think about it and even though my plans were superior to Hal's in every way that particular move may not have been the best idea.
It was supposed to be like a scene from one of his corny movies where the hero risks his life for the alien princess, she kisses him, and her love magically brings him back from the dead.
Only he was supposed to be the hero and I was the dead princess, seeing as I'm a prince anyway.
Okay, maybe that wasn't the best comparison.
The point I'm trying to make is that while it made sense at the time, in retrospect, I'm not sure it ever would have worked.

Think about this for a minute.
You all arrived in Derse at the same time to get killed right in front of me.
Do you really think that was a coincidence?
I don't know how Hal knew that sending you in at that exact moment would kill you, but the fact remains that he was keeping track of all four of our actions simultaneously.
He knew the situation he was sending you into was dangerous and he did not give a single fuck about that.
Sure, maybe the red miles would have hit you right then and there regardless of what anyone said or did, but I can't help but feel that he pushed the chain of events along so it would all play out in that particular manner.

Shit, this is going to be awkward.
Okay, so...
Before you stumble on his angry rant you might as well know that I've been hassling him about a lot of things.
Romance in particular.
If he knows that you're into him he's probably going to hold that over my head in some manner.

oh di stri
you tried
it is kind of romantic in a really weird way
and knowin jake hed have probably loved it if it had worked out better
only cause he loves skulls
still standing by dead head is super creepy but who knows maybe bones make it easier
never realized you have such a romantic heart under all that coolkid

okay im not sure how i was on derse in time
i was sleepwalking out in the void last i knew so no fucking clue how i got back
i dont know how hal could have made me go back tho
n he couldnt track our dream selves could he
mb he placed jane and jake
he might have been talking to em and did it
tho he seemed annoyed that they were doing something they werent supposed to and i assumed that was derse
(actually now that im thinking about what we talked about that day maybe hal really is ur super shipper)
thing is i killed frigglish cuz gcat ported in and out
thats why i left my house and thats where things went off the rails for me
from that point until the skewer hal only talked to me once
asking what my status was, why i wasnt home yet, complimented me for being the most competent aside from you two and being annoyed with jake and jane, and go home to connect with jake
oh and if i was sober to do all that but everyone asked if i was sober enough that day
i dont think i mentioned talking to callie and she was my biggest delay
and he didnt send me into anywhere dangerous dirk
the entire colony was on fire and being torn apart
the only hope i had was getting into the game
he was sending me to the safest place i needed to be
i had to be jakes server player
the worst he could have done was maybe run a bit faster so the timing happened
but he couldnt have known itd happen
especially since i was also slow at the game stuff because i was talking to callie too
so like the two cancel each other out
the only one who could have pushed me into a place to die would have been callie or gcat
gcat cuz that cat keeps putting me in situations that are not good for me
and callie because she and i were talking and she has that timey view port thing

ngl hal has some problems
none of us dont have problems
he has a lot of feelings he doesnt know how to deal with
i just dont think hed have plan for me to die
maybe a plan IF i died
taking advantage is probs a totes legit possibility
but dont lie and say you dont have plans for when anyone of us might die
tbh i think it might have just freaked you out how much control you didnt have?
you have to admit that u reeeeeeally dont like not having a handle on things
u didnt then and maybe ur projecting a bit and decided some iteration of you had to be

lmao
omg dirky have you been teasing him about being bad at romance
or what

I am a heart player.
Though, being a prince, I usually end up breaking them.
I'm starting to think it's an unavoidable thing.
The harder I try the more I fuck things up.

I'll admit I was in the dark about whatever was going on with you.
Hal's interference with Jane and Jake was more pronounced.
It should have been easy to keep them safe in their homes.
But with your voidy thing, who knows where you'd end up?
In any case, I hold that he was behind some really questionable antics.

I have plans to prevent that from ever happening.
I don't know what I'd do if you died, or if anyone else died.
So yeah, I freaked a little when he stepped in and started taking over my shit.
I don't think he had anyone's best interests in mind.
Maybe he doesn't think I do either, and that I'm being selfish for not giving you what you want.
But I can't.

I don't know him well enough to know whether or not he's bad at romance.
He seems to know what he's talking about, actually.
It's just that I noticed this thing he has going on with Egbert.
You know, Jane's grandpa?
So I told him, don't mess with an Egbert or an English.
I don't know what it is about those particular guys.
Something about their dopey good looks and cheeky behavior.
It makes you fall, and fall hard.
But if Karkat doesn't want to listen to my advice that's on him.

He already posted the rant by the way.
Just click on the canon tag, it's there.

hey u only tried with one relationship
look at aaaaaaall the relationships that didnt work in history
theres a fuckton of em
not everyone gets the one on the first try
thats just normal
and you didnt fuck up anything with me
you were just honest
any fuck upery is on me cuz i was being a silly drunk girl
i mean it all kind of makes sense really
the amount of people we could connect with on a deep emotional level we can count on one hand
and circumstances being what they were
hard not to get a bit desperate for stuff like that
itd probs be more worrying if we didnt fall in love with someone
we werent so broken that we stopped wanting the human things

yeah cant speak about jane and jake
he was tracking me fine tho
knew what route i was takin anyway
still had some booze in my system making my voidy thing all flickery

he might have done some questionable things
he likes to micromanage and pull strings too
and he certainly has different goals and desires than you
but come on dirky look what you just said
he doesnt have anyones best interests in mind
but he thinks your being selfish for not giving me what i want
kind of implying he wants to give me what i want
but he doesnt care about my best interests?
seems a bit silly
for all his manipulations the end goal is what
have you know what all your options were and maybe you giving me a shot?
(and a side of everyone not dead)
mb hes warped cuz three years in a computer shifts those priorities
but i dont think hes as bad as ur painting in ur head?
he at least gives some fucks
i know you cant
its fine
u cant help how you are

awwwww dont say that
i was liking windy j
he was gonna get me a ring and everything
which might be bad for karkat but
its a really nice ring
now if only troll bitch didnt jack it

*clicky click*

Yeah, and I'm not going to stop there.
I was just thinking it'd be good to take a break for awhile.
Maybe reevaluate my shit a little.

I know I didn't mess up with you because we never had anything to begin with.
You were right when you said I never led you on.
But sometimes I think Hal did.
Maybe on some level he cared about you and wanted to give you what you wanted.
But he couldn't do that.
Even if he could have it wouldn't have been in your best interests.
I already knew what my options were.
Giving you a shot was never one of them.
He didn't give either of us anything we didn't already know.
He only reminded you how much you wanted me and made me feel like shit because I couldn't return your feelings.
So who is really looking out for your best interests here?
The asshole who says it'll never happen, or the manipulative shit who whispers maybe it will?

I don't know, maybe he thought he actually could give you what you wanted.
Maybe he thought he could guilt me into a relationship with you.
But would you really want that?
Hey, Roxy. I'll marry you and make babies with you even though I'm not sexually attracted to you.
Might have some trouble getting it up, but I'm sure we can figure something out.
If you could wear shorts, wield dual pistols, and talk like an old fogey it would help.
For that matter you should bind your chest, cut your hair, and find something to stuff your shorts with too.
You know how much I love a hefty package.

And for the record, I have no problem with you liking John.
You have a chance with him.
But from what I heard he isn't into guys.
If Karkat keeps pursuing this I don't think it will end well.

good
breaks are legit tho

for the record i would look hot in those micro shorts
mb i should steal jakes shorts for next time i see john
i could lara croft it up

as much as i would love a family
and have some kids
you know kids that i raise instead of just being some ectobiology thing
even if i adore my ecto babies
no i would not want that
not if youd be unhappy

hmmmmmmm
hm hm hm
okay ima throw this out there
i am not completely stupid
im not someone he was just gonna manipulate to his will all willy nilly
i am not some fair damsel or air headed blonde who cant realize when theyre being played
i had a choice in the whole affair
and between hal and me
i was probably the one who was doing more harm
to myself
and to him
the thing is i could see hal as someone different
we talked a lot
i dont know how much he hid from you but its not all just flirtlarps but actual stuff
his own thoughts and feelings
i knew he was different
and sometimes the flirtlarps weren't as terrible as they were
unlike you and jane im actually fine with the idea of just being able to do normal casual flirting dating things
just cant cuz fucking circumstances
(memeland is a wonderful thing btw)
anyway sometimes i could see hal as hal
but yeah ur right
there was a lot of the time where i was flirtlarping with him and i saw you
cuz i was a sad pathetic drunk girl
i knew what it was
i knew it didnt change anything w you
and i knew that when i was fucking sober i was gonna be miserable about it
i could have stopped it and said no and at least headed off the flirtlarps that were wildly inappropriate
mb they made it harder to let go mb i would have clung to the idea anyway
certainly havent been flirtlarping that much after we went in the game but i still wanted to marry you the moment i was hopped up on something
but heres the thing
hal is like us
a kid who only make connections to others through words
but unlike us that was all he was ever gonna get until the sprite thing
and after talking to davesprite a lot all over
(who is awesome btw youll probs love him being other bro and ORANGE)
i kind of realized i was probably a huge jerk to hal by using him as a stand in for you
i think it might have really bothered him
but he didnt exactly have a lot of options for affection
even if he didnt have a body
that didnt mean he didnt need it

he made bad calls sure
the fiasco wasnt likely healthy for either of us
but damn it dirk
i made my own choices too
the blame isnt on him for what happened between him and me

oooo yeah karkat might have problems then
john liked another girl
so yeah hes at least got some girl inclinations

she just keeps rambling more and more

Striders and Lalondes, the family of endless monologues

Sob, yes.

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I think I'm going to cry.

Sob, these two and their feelings

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