Reserved at vatheon

[embellisher]

Of all the places you could have chosen, it's one that's under the ocean.

A city under the ocean.

Under the ocean.

Let me repeat that one more time just in case you missed it: under the ocean.

Do you know what the ocean is? Here, let me describe it in two words: Liquid. Suffering. You don't put dwarves in oceans. They don't do very well down there. Me included.

You, messieur mun, are a sadistic, evil woman.

On the plus side, the Dwarven Merchant Guild isn't there. I'll give you that. It's a very big plus indeed.

...actually it might not be so bad down there after all. Sign me up.

Comments

Varric! <3

[champ_coordinator]

It isn't all bad living beneath the sea.

[embellisher]

Right. I'm sure lots of people agree with you.

Like the dozens of rotting corpses bandits throw in it every week.

[blue_satin_shoes]

Hm, I'm not sure which one would be worse. Living underneath the ocean or on a ship among the stars...

[embellisher]

A ship among the stars? You mean it flies?

[Mental note to self: find a way to include a star-ship in next story. Maybe one that leaves a trail of sparkles and is pulled by gryphons for extra oomph.]

[blue_satin_shoes]

Yes! Complete with tubes that transport you quickly from one part of the ship to another. You can even control the temperature in the room you sleep in.

[She hasn't lived in it yet, being that her mun only just put in the app, but she's heard from her mun what to expect.]

[embellisher]

[He's not sure about the tubes thing, as Varric doesn't see what's wrong with plain old solid surface ground, but the temperature thing sounds nice.]

How do you do that? Is there a mage stationed in every room where you can be like, "make some fire, no too much, now make some ice. A little more fire, yes, that's perfect, now hold that for eight hours."

[blue_satin_shoes]

[She never said it wasn't unsettling. There's a lot of technology far beyond their time there, Varric.

She laughs at his guess though. Oh, the mages would hate that...]

No, no, nothing like that. It's... well, I'm not quite sure how it works. There's not a mage in every room, but you can say what temperature you'd like it to be and the room would change it for you.

[Maybe there was a mage controlling it somewhere...]

[embellisher]

So the room's a mage then.

[Blondie would flip his shit if he knew that.]

[blue_satin_shoes]

I'm not sure inanimate objects can become mages, though if the metal were living, it would explain how the doors can open and close on their own. I don't want to think about what the tubes would be, in that case.

[Yeah, that wasn't disturbing...]

[embellisher]

[He hopes they're not living. The amount of creepy that would be can't be measured in existing numbers.]

Maybe we should stop thinking about it. Just let it be one of those things you accept, like getting attacked by dragons.

[solona]

A city under the ocean? Will you grow gills and fins?

[She's only half-joking.]

[embellisher]

No, it's supposed to be protected by some magic barrier or something.

[Or so he's heard. Don't ask him how it works.]

Absolutely no way I'd consider going if there were gills or fins involved. No fishy stuff for me.

[wittydiplomacy]

Oh my poor Varric, she's not going to try to drown you, is she? Given that, well, under the sea usually implies dying...

Lest you've been hiding a tail from me all these years? [Tsk. Tsk. How could you? I thought we were friends, Varric--shouldn't she have learned about that already?]

[embellisher]

[Oh Hawke, he'd knew you'd understand! You always understand him. That's why his best stories are always about you.]

No tail here.

[He even turns around as proof.]

No drowning either. I'm too charming to die. It's supposed to be some kind of city protected by some kind of magic sea thing to keep the water out.

[wittydiplomacy]

Sounds... wonderful and do keep trying to be charming, I wouldn't like it if you died without me. [Wherever will the rest of the world hear about her stories of heroism?

Not that she ever cared for it but, it is what Varric does best.]

And yes, magic. I should hope it's the kind of that actually lasts. [Though it should since Hawke isn't there and--] ...This city, it's not a prison for some devastatingly ugly and creepy Darkspawn, yes?

[embellisher]

No darkspawn, though I hear there's some interesting people there. [Who should provide plenty of inspiration.] And uh, about the magic thing...apparently right now there's a thing going on where the barrier is weakening and the citizens there are trying to fix it.

It fills me with nothing but confidence, let me tell you.

[wittydiplomacy]

Of course, it does.

[A beat.]

You do remember how to hold your breath, Varric? And swim? Bianca would be heartbroken if you don't.

[embellisher]

You wound me, Hawke. Of course I remember.

[Whether he'll still remember when he's terrified and trapped Maker-knows-how-many feet under the sea is another matter entirely.]

I'll even punch a fish or two on my way back up to the surface

[wittydiplomacy]

Please do. I hear if you punch sharks on the eyes, they flee.

[Not that she's tried herself but, any advice is better than none.]

[embellisher]

I'll keep that in mind. Don't wait up for me, I'll be back in Kirkwall in time for evening drinks.

[wittydiplomacy]

Don't worry about that, you know we could never start without you. Who else would exaggerate the things we did earlier for entertainment?

Anders? Fenris? Maybe Isabella and Merrill's more likely to get herself lost within moments of starting.

And don't get me started on what Sebastian might do. [Probably spin some tale about Andraste and how they should attend the Chant more often. Or something.]

[embellisher]

And someone has to keep an eye on all of you.

[Seriously, he could just look away for one second and they would be attacked by street thugs.]

What would you do without me?

[wittydiplomacy]

Run around blind with arrows and spells being thrown about at our heads? [A quick flashing grin.]

Watch Isabella attempt to drink everyone under the table long enough to sing bawdy pirate songs, dance jigs and take off their smalls for inspection?

[Not sure that it happened but, it does sound like something that might occur without her, Aveline or Varric there--or just without her and Aveline. It's hard being the (somewhat) straitlaced person of the group.]

Must I go on?

[fistfullofmagic]

While not ideal, it could certainly be worse.

[Trust him on this; he's quite well acquainted with worse.]

[embellisher]

Yes, yes, I know. Could always be worse. Figured I'd cut my losses by quitting my strongly worded letter while I was ahead.

[fistfullofmagic]

Ah. A wise decision, I suppose.

[questionablewit]

Is the alcohol made from seaweed? Because if it is, you may accomplish the impossible: drinking something worse than what they serve at the Hanged Man.

[embellisher]

Well, I hear seaweed's good for you.

[questionablewit]

I don't know, Varric. What I've heard is that it puts hair on your chest. Your chest is dangerous enough as it is.

[embellisher]

Ain't that the truth.

I'll be sure to avoid seaweed based products then.

[questionablewit]

While living in an undersea bubble? Good luck with that. I bet even the blankets are made of seaweed.

You'll look charming with fins.