and he's back.

[shaves]

That was a little abrupt. Not that I'm complaining, a short leave of absence to recharge your batteries or more specifically, mine, can't argue with the logic behind that if it puts me in the long-term penthouse. You could still make it up to me, obviously. Those little Twisties things they sell near you? Toss a dozen in a box, send them my way and we'll call it even. You should probably send some to Pepper and Bruce, too. Add red and green sprinkles respectively, they'll love that. It won't look too Christmas-y, will it? Actually, scratch that, get the red glaze and make the topping yellow, nobody can complain about Sorry I Vanished gifts that present the universally delicious task of licking Iron Man themed pastries.

Arguably, I could have been doing something more constructive with my time than spending it in the garage for a couple of months. I've been relaxing, cut me some slack. Look what's coming up for me! I think I deserve a Get Out Of Jail Free card before the whole messy business hits home.

This was not my fault, you can't blame a guy for holding him in indentured servitude. Where are my chocolate Twisties?

Comments

[shaves]

What am I doing right now, swimming?

[hulkbusted]

That is a very good question.

I'll make dinner and you can fill in the blanks for me.

[shaves]

What are you going to make? Is it going to be spicy? How long will it take?

[hulkbusted]

Curry. Yes. Another half hour.

[shaves]

Who taught you how to make this stuff, were you wandering around India when some madras-toting fakir took you under his wing? I keep imagining you like one of the Ninja Turtles, stirring a mystical pot underground until the world is ready.

[hulkbusted]

It's amazing what you can pick up if you ask "What can I make with this?" in shops. There was a distinct lack of ninja turtles.

[shaves]

There goes the dream.

[hulkbusted]

We can work on new ones without ninja turtles. One mutant around here is enough.

[shaves]

Mutant curry is the best, hands down. In fact, I'm swearing off all other kinds right now.

[hulkbusted]

I'm talking to JARVIS about getting a better ventilation system for the garage. You have definitely been inhaling too many fumes.

[shaves]

Never mind, just bring me food.

[hulkbusted]

No, you have to come to me. You have to emerge from your cave, stand upright, and wipe the dirt off your knuckles, and if you can do that, I'll have a drink waiting for you.

[shaves]

It's going to have vegetables shredded up inside, isn't it? You could always get me a McDonald's milkshake, it wouldn't kill anyone.

[hulkbusted]

The drink? I wouldn't do that to you.

Not today at least.

[shaves]

I feel bullied by your vegetables, Bruce. Is this a healthy relationship? Come on, now.

[hulkbusted]

Your relationship issues with vegetables are between you and them. I only take sides when Pepper's involved.

[shaves]

I'm gonna ... ban you both from teaming up.

[hulkbusted]

You might want to think the implications of that all the way through.

[shaves]

I have such a hard life.

[hulkbusted]

Which part? The beautiful girlfriend or the brilliant boyfriend? Or is this still about your oppression by vegetables?

[shaves]

You can start being nice to me whenever you want. I'm counting the days! Minutes.

[hulkbusted]

If cooking you dinner doesn't count as nice I can stop chopping now.

[shaves]

That counts as, uh, very obliging. Somewhat show-offy, but I forgive you, you're allowed to frolic with onions whenever you want.

[ Twitchy and hovering as Bruce cooks. What can he do, what can he doooo. Things are happening and he doesn't understand, this isn't right. ]

You need any help there, big guy?

[hulkbusted]

[It's nice to see him, but the hovering is going to get him an elbow somewhere between the cutting board and the stove.]

I think you can handle the rice cooker. It's over there.

[shaves]

Right. You put the rice in and it does its magic?

[ Is it, like. Does the ... Wow, fuck this, he's going to figure it out for himself he's Tony Goddamn Stark. ]

Packaged rice is too good for the microwave now?

[ Not like he won't complain, though. ]