and he's back.

[shaves]

That was a little abrupt. Not that I'm complaining, a short leave of absence to recharge your batteries or more specifically, mine, can't argue with the logic behind that if it puts me in the long-term penthouse. You could still make it up to me, obviously. Those little Twisties things they sell near you? Toss a dozen in a box, send them my way and we'll call it even. You should probably send some to Pepper and Bruce, too. Add red and green sprinkles respectively, they'll love that. It won't look too Christmas-y, will it? Actually, scratch that, get the red glaze and make the topping yellow, nobody can complain about Sorry I Vanished gifts that present the universally delicious task of licking Iron Man themed pastries.

Arguably, I could have been doing something more constructive with my time than spending it in the garage for a couple of months. I've been relaxing, cut me some slack. Look what's coming up for me! I think I deserve a Get Out Of Jail Free card before the whole messy business hits home.

This was not my fault, you can't blame a guy for holding him in indentured servitude. Where are my chocolate Twisties?

Comments

[hulkbusted]

[Have you missed that "Bruce is amused at your expense" smirk? It's back.]

You know I don't like the wasteful excess packaging.

And the microwave stuff tastes like crap.

[shaves]

It does not, you're just a food snob. Snobby.

[ Don't be amused, Bruce, why are you full of cruelty. Sniffs. ]

[hulkbusted]

[Because he's not as nice a guy as he pretends.]

Knowing the difference between good rice and rice that doesn't cook evenly and tastes like plastic doesn't make me a snob.

[Here, you might want this neatly labeled measuring cup that goes with the rice cooker. No brainer.]

[shaves]

[ Man, Tony hates rice right now. He's only making it out of spite! We could all be a cook if we wanted, Bruce!!! Look at me go! ]

I bet the Other Guy'd appreciate anything I microwaved.

[hulkbusted]

[Way to rapidly lose points, Tony.]

That's not exactly a glowing recommendation for your cooking.

[shaves]

[ Hey, let's not pretend the Hulk wouldn't be ridiculous fun in the kitchen. Imagine him making a sandwich, it's legitimate gold. Poor guy would try so hard to please whoever asked ... ]

Just don't start gargling ice cream or cake, I might mistake you for Hammer. Now there's a guy a little too obsessed with what he eats.

[hulkbusted]

[He'd end up wearing half the condiments and heaven help whoever has to clean the kitchen.]

He's kind of a sad guy. I mean, he gets low and eats birthday cake with no birthday to celebrate.

[shaves]

Please don't ever invite him over out of pity, I used all mine up on him years ago.

[hulkbusted]

I wouldn't do that. I went to his place.

[shaves]

Why? When? [ Just to reiterate: ] Why?

[hulkbusted]

While you were hiding out in the garage, and I did it because he's a sad, lonely man who eats birthday cake alone when it isn't his birthday. We played chess and ate cake.

[shaves]

Did you catch anything?

[hulkbusted]

It's like you're trying to make sure that when you go back in the garage again that I don't miss you.

[shaves]

[ It's like Justin took Tony's toy and muddied him up and then washed him but he still knows he was there. ]

What did you talk about?

[hulkbusted]

We didn't talk about you, if that's what you're asking.

[Have a view of Bruce's back while he stirs something he probably doesn't need to stir.]

We played chess, ate cake, talked about how much neither of us likes SHIELD. That's it.

[shaves]

[ His immediate reaction is why not? But he bites it back. ]

He doesn't like me.

[ In case that means anything. It's all Tony really manages to rustle up by way of a disconcerted reply. ]

[hulkbusted]

I know.

And we all know how much you like him.

[And he's not going to try to talk Justin up to Tony because, face it, Justin Hammer's usually kind of an ass.]

[shaves]

He shouldn't be such a creeper, then. Pepper will tell you.

[hulkbusted]

Seems to me he's been paying the price for his bad choices. I'm not saying he shouldn't.

[But if he wants everyone to be screwed for life for their fuckups, that starts at home.]

How's your battle of wits with the rice cooker coming along?

[shaves]

[ LOOK. A plateful of rice! ]

I won, obviously.

[ Don't get excited, Tony. ]

[hulkbusted]

[That might just merit a kiss on the cheek before Bruce starts grabbing plates and silverware.]

For your next feat, I'll show you how to use the waffle maker.

[shaves]

[ ... Rice is great. ]

I've made waffles before. Toss the mix in and lift up the lid before it doesn't burn, easy.

[ From what he remembers maybe five years ago. ]

[hulkbusted]

Sure.

[They can do better than that, but he doesn't want to frighten Tony with measuring spoons.]

Come on. I'll feed you now and you can tell me how mean I am so more.

[shaves]

[ You're not supposed to measure food, it all winds up in your stomach anyway. Ahw, is it time to eat? Bruce can have that nuzzle-peck back. ]

I'll hold off, you've learned your lesson.

[hulkbusted]

[Thank god Tony mostly leaves the chemistry to other people.]

Which lesson is that? That I can derail you with hot food?