and he's back.

[shaves]

That was a little abrupt. Not that I'm complaining, a short leave of absence to recharge your batteries or more specifically, mine, can't argue with the logic behind that if it puts me in the long-term penthouse. You could still make it up to me, obviously. Those little Twisties things they sell near you? Toss a dozen in a box, send them my way and we'll call it even. You should probably send some to Pepper and Bruce, too. Add red and green sprinkles respectively, they'll love that. It won't look too Christmas-y, will it? Actually, scratch that, get the red glaze and make the topping yellow, nobody can complain about Sorry I Vanished gifts that present the universally delicious task of licking Iron Man themed pastries.

Arguably, I could have been doing something more constructive with my time than spending it in the garage for a couple of months. I've been relaxing, cut me some slack. Look what's coming up for me! I think I deserve a Get Out Of Jail Free card before the whole messy business hits home.

This was not my fault, you can't blame a guy for holding him in indentured servitude. Where are my chocolate Twisties?

Comments

[shaves]

Why? When? [ Just to reiterate: ] Why?

[hulkbusted]

While you were hiding out in the garage, and I did it because he's a sad, lonely man who eats birthday cake alone when it isn't his birthday. We played chess and ate cake.

[shaves]

Did you catch anything?

[hulkbusted]

It's like you're trying to make sure that when you go back in the garage again that I don't miss you.

[shaves]

[ It's like Justin took Tony's toy and muddied him up and then washed him but he still knows he was there. ]

What did you talk about?

[hulkbusted]

We didn't talk about you, if that's what you're asking.

[Have a view of Bruce's back while he stirs something he probably doesn't need to stir.]

We played chess, ate cake, talked about how much neither of us likes SHIELD. That's it.

[shaves]

[ His immediate reaction is why not? But he bites it back. ]

He doesn't like me.

[ In case that means anything. It's all Tony really manages to rustle up by way of a disconcerted reply. ]

[hulkbusted]

I know.

And we all know how much you like him.

[And he's not going to try to talk Justin up to Tony because, face it, Justin Hammer's usually kind of an ass.]

[shaves]

He shouldn't be such a creeper, then. Pepper will tell you.

[hulkbusted]

Seems to me he's been paying the price for his bad choices. I'm not saying he shouldn't.

[But if he wants everyone to be screwed for life for their fuckups, that starts at home.]

How's your battle of wits with the rice cooker coming along?

[shaves]

[ LOOK. A plateful of rice! ]

I won, obviously.

[ Don't get excited, Tony. ]

[hulkbusted]

[That might just merit a kiss on the cheek before Bruce starts grabbing plates and silverware.]

For your next feat, I'll show you how to use the waffle maker.

[shaves]

[ ... Rice is great. ]

I've made waffles before. Toss the mix in and lift up the lid before it doesn't burn, easy.

[ From what he remembers maybe five years ago. ]

[hulkbusted]

Sure.

[They can do better than that, but he doesn't want to frighten Tony with measuring spoons.]

Come on. I'll feed you now and you can tell me how mean I am so more.

[shaves]

[ You're not supposed to measure food, it all winds up in your stomach anyway. Ahw, is it time to eat? Bruce can have that nuzzle-peck back. ]

I'll hold off, you've learned your lesson.

[hulkbusted]

[Thank god Tony mostly leaves the chemistry to other people.]

Which lesson is that? That I can derail you with hot food?

[shaves]

[ Chemistry? Physics-lite, more like. Let's add phenolphthalein and get magnesium hydroxide to turn the color of Bruce's purple shirt in water for shits and giggles, wooo, let's make rice and have a curry. Same level of interest on any normal day. ]

It's more the hot superhero boyfriend making the food that clinches the deal for me.

[hulkbusted]

[Go ahead and stay hyper-focused. If Tony branched out he'd just be even more dangerous.]

I'm never going to be comfortable with the superhero label. That's you and Steve. And Thor I guess.

[shaves]

Thor is an alien, which will never not be funny. Steve is Mr. Commander, he has to be superfied, obviously I'm the poster boy for this band of misfits. You can be too, if the world decides it no longer wants cameras or press conferences to bug you.

[hulkbusted]

Thor is an alien. A big, blond, fratboy alien. That will never not be weird.

As for me, I'm just going to stay out of the limelight as much as possible. Superheroes don't make curry, they put on shiny suits of one kind or another and go be heroic.

[shaves]

[ lMFIGKD BEST. Fratboy. ]

You're already shiny.

[hulkbusted]

Is that supposed to be flattery?

[Eat your curry.]

[shaves]

[ It's very spicy! If he eats it too fast it'll be gone. ]

It was, we need to sharpen your edges.

[hulkbusted]

[Tch, Tony's tastebuds need toughening up.]

I'm not sure how shiny is a compliment and you don't want my edges sharp. Trust me on that.

[shaves]

[ This is really good food, psh, he isn't wolfing it down only to want more in ten seconds. If it was shitty-but-nice take-out, he'd neck it, but this is Banner!made. Tony's going to appreciate this home-cooked meal. ]

I wouldn't worry about it, you're kind of cuddly for the most part. [ nomnom. ] I don't know, you look like someone I want to take a nap on all the time.