Spoilers for OUAT 2x13

[benimble]

What the hell. It's bad enough that the show doesn't expose Charming for the douchebag he is, but not only do they make me into a woman, but chick-me was sleeping with Prince Charming's brother!?

Fucking hell. At least I'm hot as a chick. I'd do her. Even if chick me is sleeping with her uncle.

Comments

[originaljackass]

... would it help it I took my shirt off?

[He knows a losing battle when he sees one. But Jack Horner doesn't play for battles. He plays for the long game. He may be rejected today, but he's confident that this is enough of a victory that he'll eventually get his yes. So he's not disappointed.]

[herotypical]

Help? God, no.

[originaljackass]

Want me to do it anyway?

[herotypical]

A gentleman would accidentally spill wine on it, first.

[originaljackass]

[Jack turns and lo and behold, a convenient wine rack. He casually pops off the cork and with a sly grin, lifts it to his lips and lets it dribble.]

Oh damn. My shirt.

1/??

[herotypical]

[herotypical]

[herotypical]

[ she takes the opportunity to slyly pinch herself. ]

done.

[herotypical]

[ ow. ]

You're incorrigible. Insufferable! And lots of other in- words.

1/2

[originaljackass]

[originaljackass]

[Jack just casually pulls off his blazer, tosses it aside, then the tie, and finally unbuttons the shirt. He inspects it for the stain, tsks at it, and then spreads out his arms so he can fix his tousled hair. Now that he's not turning into a dragon, Jack has his old physique again. Muscular and defined. And he doesn't even have to exercise.]

[herotypical]

[ oh, it's the tie that gets her. damn those ties. it's been a long while since she's watched a fellow undo a tie. pirates, it would seem, don't often wear ties. that's a -- uhm...

a shame.

or whatever. brainfrizz. ]

Look. [ she holds up two flat palms. ] Jack. Ahem. Horner. While the gesture is certainly....appreciated, I've gotta break it to you that, uhm...

Wow, you're looking good. It's been a while. I guess I forgot just how much you, ah, weren't a dragon.

[originaljackass]

[A man is only as good as his suit. Jack was a firm believer in the power of a good suit. He casually crossed his arms, for her sake. Less to see that way.]

Thank you. It's about I got some gratuitous compliments back.

[herotypical]

You were giving so many to yourself -- [ she tries to pick up the quippy slack, but finds it hard not to let her eyes just wander oh-so-briefly. ] I figured you didn't need any of mine.

[originaljackass]

[He notices. It's all according to plan, probably. This plan:]

If you feel uncomfortable, feel free to take off your shirt as well.

[herotypical]

[ oh. that puts some fire in her blood. ]

Mine rarely comes off so easily, buster.

[originaljackass]

Really? [He reaches beside him to that bottle of wine from before. He casually tosses it at her.] Catch.

[Oh, she'll catch it, he knows that. But will she catch it without splatter?]

[herotypical]

[ and catch it she does -- though a great mess of red booze catches her by the middle and spatters across the cream silk of her top. she practically growls her disappointment: in him, in herself, in life.

and then she does something she only ever does when she's trying to cope with supreme frustration. buffy takes a wicked swig straight from the bottle, cringing the entire time from the taste. excess wine still drips from her shirt, stains a denim'd knee, and pools by her feet on the floor. ]

I spend half my nights covered in blood. Mine and other people's. You think a little wine is gonna bring me to my stripping point?

[originaljackass]

[Score one for Buffy. If he's ever been impressed by her, this is one of those moments. He'd barely been drinking any of that wine when he let it dribble on his shirt. Still, this is not a complete failure.]

Fair enough. My imagination can fill in the gaps. The soaked look is very flattering on you. [Since he doesn't have to imagine very hard at all now.]

[herotypical]

[ this would be a lot easier if she wasn't arguing with a topless man. as it is, she takes another ill-appreciated drink and hands the bottle back to the perpetrator. ]

If you even think about giving me the old once-over, I'm poking your eyes out with my thumbs. I know how it's done. I've seen a man do it.

[originaljackass]

Please. It's not worth it unless it's a twice-over, with a halftime show focused on the middle.

[He cannot be held responsible for where his eyes may choose to wander and linger as they converse. Though he does take the wine bottle back and take a short swig in turn. While despairing at how sticky his hands are.]

[herotypical]

[ as if he'd found some sort of activation switch for her self-consciousness, she quickly crosses her arms over her chest. tight. protective. ]

You're a pig. [ now everything smells faintly of wine. a heady, spiritsy smell. she used to hate it, but now it's half-comforting after years of tending bar. ] Actually, calling you a pig might be an insult to real pigs.

[originaljackass]

[He tsked in disappointment. Easy come, easy go.]

Nah, the pigs think I'm cool. Well, the old ones anyway. I think they might have got replaced.

[herotypical]

The pigs? As in three and little?

[ well, her attention is had once again. curiousity kills the prude. ]

[originaljackass]

Four, actually. I un-retconned him.