Spoilers for OUAT 2x13

[benimble]

What the hell. It's bad enough that the show doesn't expose Charming for the douchebag he is, but not only do they make me into a woman, but chick-me was sleeping with Prince Charming's brother!?

Fucking hell. At least I'm hot as a chick. I'd do her. Even if chick me is sleeping with her uncle.

Comments

[herotypical]

It's that I really don't need to be seeing it, right now.

[ huff. in point of fact, the exact opposite problem is true: she likes what she sees, and that could only mean trouble. ]

Perhaps we can find you something nice and baggy and not-muscle-clingy.

[originaljackass]

That would be a disservice to women everywhere, Buffy. Are you sure you can have that on your conscience?

[herotypical]

[ she'd rather it on her conscience than the indiscretion she's otherwise risking by too often availing herself glances at his physique. ]

I've already been to Heaven. I think that -- in the wake of that -- my conscience can do with a bit of weight.

[originaljackass]

Now you tell me that. Of all those times I could've used those "Did you just fall out of heaven" lines...

[herotypical]

It's not exactly an advertising point. I try not to walk around with a neon sign, y'know? 'Ex-angel' blinking in hot pink. Not my style.

[ angel's ex, on the other hand... ]

[originaljackass]

You should. It'd bring out your eyes more.

[herotypical]

My eyes don't need bringing out. My eyes? Are lovely limpid pools of oceanic green. They bring themselves out. They're very independent.

[ and still at risk of roving. dear lord, doesn't this man get cold? mildly chilly? ]

[originaljackass]

[He doesn't even shiver!]

Did I ever tell you I love green eyes?

[herotypical]

...I'm finding you a shirt. A poncho, if I have to. One of those freaking big yellow rubber jackets.

[ and she makes the effort of turning away and rifling through a conveniently present box of...whatever. doodads and whatsits and rags and hopefully something that'll cover that hunk of ego up. ]

[originaljackass]

Shouldn't you buy me dinner before asking me to put a rubber on?

[He makes an effort to not help at all. He does a very good job at this.]

[herotypical]

You can never be too safe...

[ she finally hauls an utter disaster of a sweater out of the box, fully aware that getting him into it is going to be more than half the battle. ]

[originaljackass]

... I'm not wearing that. Ever.

[Not even when he's dead.]

[herotypical]

You'll wear it or I'll make you wear it.

[ an odd threat, to be true. ]

[originaljackass]

I can't think of anything I'd enjoy more.

[herotypical]

Trust me -- [ she rather threateningly started to bunch up the sweater's fabric, as if to make it ready for donning ] -- if you end up enjoying it? That means I didn't do it right.

[originaljackass]

Then I'll look forward to you getting it wrong.

[He crosses his arms.]

[herotypical]

[ ...a few problems strike her. y'know. right off the bat. one happens to be the man's taller-than-her status. that's gonna be an issue. the next is the part where his arms are still rather crossed. but -- not to be deterred -- she sets her jaw and grabs onto one of his wrists. ]

I hate you.

[ she gives his arm a hard, strong tug. aiming to draw it away from his body and introduce it to a waiting sleeve. ]

[originaljackass]

[Jack may have possessed some impressive super strength, but it was the kind of strength that didn't always manifest itself all the time or right away. For instance, crossing his arms was no force of exertion, so when she tugs on his arm, she practically pulls him to the ground.]

Whoa! Watch it! You trying to pull it off!?

[herotypical]

It might be an improvement. [ but she does move quickly to brace him, twisting her upper body until she could nudge her shoulder 'helpfully' into his torso. propping him up.

at the same time, she tries to wrangle his arm into the sleeve. at least up to the wrist. ]

[originaljackass]

[In his attempts to struggle, the most inevitable outcome will result in his head resting in an all too inappropriate place. Even if she does succeed in getting one sleeve on him.]

This is either humiliating or incredibly kinky. Funny how those two things are so similar.

[herotypical]

[ rather than jump back and slap him, she takes advantage of his head's proximity and ensnares it with the sweater's neck-hole. ]

Incredibly kinky? More like barely. [ for a girl who tries to exude a false sense of vanilla in nearly every pose and act, she was rather quick to stamp out her own definition of kinky. ]

[originaljackass]

You are so lucky I'm letting you do this.

[Dammit, he forgot how strong she was. Possibly more than him, but he wasn't about to admit that.]

[herotypical]

You're lucky I'm bothering to do this.

[ now comes the tricky part. y'know, the part where she's gotta actually allow her fingertips to touch muscled man-flesh when she tries to work the sweater over his upper-body. ]