couldn't resist. update talk.

[syncopator]

old mcdonald had a farm
e i e i o
and he bought that farm with two demon doggy swords to the gut
e i e i o

i mean lets be honest
as much as i bitched about wanting to avoid this exact thing
it was probably always going to happen
and isnt this how it works in every shitty movie about some heroic dude
his wife or his buddy or his dog dies or something
and thats what inspires him to go out and murder everyone
or in our case save a bunch of universes or something
we all know whose job that is
it was never going to be mine
im the sidekick
here for laughs and to tug at your heartstrings with his sad and noble sacrifice
who gets double stabbed by some dogs with wings and dies on top of his best friends corpse

man
this is pretty bullshit actually
but to be meta for a second here
will this even stick??
who the fuck knows anymore
shit got too real for me to handle
strider out

Comments

[syncopator]

yeah
i mean
the together part sounds pretty sweet
pretty sure im going to reprise my role as the sidekick though
havent you read the credits
thats literally my billing
dave strider, the sidekick:
appearing as himself
see
its right there
cant argue with the credits john
its someones shitty job to write out all that interminable crap no one pays attention to
are you dissing that guy
hes got a wife and kids to take care of
their lives depend on his ability to write the fuck out of those movie credits
do you want him to lose his house john
see his kids begging on street corners
i didnt know you were this cruel man

[heirbound]

don't you get it dave?
i'm not the nic cage of this rodio.
you are!
you're the action man. it's always been you!
i'm the john cusack, messing around with heavy machinary and wrecking perfectly good cars.
like seriously, our names are both john and everything.

[syncopator]

did it ever occur to you that i dont even want to be that guy
i never did
also
seriously
fuck the cage
there i said it
this just
isnt me
im an idiot for dying this way
it solved nothing and got us nowhere and now im dead forever
probably??
whatever
the point is
regardless of the realness of my hero quotient
right now
with things the way they are
there isnt jack shit i can do about it
i know you want to argue with me about why im a hero just like you
but the fact of the matter is
im the one whos dead
youre not
so its all on you john
like it or not

[heirbound]

for now, yeah.
but what does death even mean anyway?
it's not like dying is a death sentance anymore, dave.
and until me and the rest of your still alive strider/lalonde clan figure out a way to get you guys back alive, you can hang out with jade an her new friend.
that seems like it's going to turn out to be an important plot line!

[syncopator]

wow
getting deep over here egbert
not sure i was prepared for existential ruminations on the nature of life and death
and the meaning of all our existences
and whether death truly is the end
and blah blah fuckin blah
of course dying is a death sentence you dumbass
especially if your death is ruled heroic
because our immortality clauses are just the shittiest clauses imaginable
whatever super powerful lord of lawyers of whatever wrote that clause into the universe should have his lawyers badge revoked
get disbarred from cosmic contract writing
get exiled to a universe where there are no lawyers and suffer the fires of the lawless hells
anyway sure
go hook up with whoever it is that survived that homicide hoedown
oh
and check on rose
if you can find her
im kind of hoping she might live through the next few updates
but something in me kinda doubts it
wait
plotline
you mean with our newly dead wooftier and her cherub friend
yeah sure
because its not like said cherub friend has been lost in exile and unable to do anything to help anyone for a while
sounds like a great idea