/Adds to the inevitable flood [Sherlock spoilers]

[cleanshavendr]

It's funny how quick you can go from wishing someone was alive to wanting to kill them...

Comments

[cleanshavendr]

[And he's going to stare right back at you, Sherlock. You know he's just being dramatic but really? Was that stunt in the train car really necessary?

Eventually he does say some though because...well, the staring. He sighs]

Can you blame me? What I said to you in the train carriage still stands Sherlock but I just wish you hadn't made me think I was going to die.

[highfunctioning_sociopath]

[Sherlock shrugs, but doesn't look apologetic.]

I could have just as easily died when I jumped from Bart's, so now you know what I felt as I was falling.

[And since they didn't really explain it, the writer is sticking with the headcanon that was developed two years ago.]

this is a voicetest so please excuse the rusty voice

[cleanshavendr]

[No of course he doesn't. John wouldn't expect him to.]

So that's what it was then? You were trying to make me feel how you felt or was it just a joke?

[John shakes his head, raising a hand] You know what, don't tell. It doesn't matter now. We're both alive.

No worries! I need to figure out how the new background info should affect how I play him :|

[highfunctioning_sociopath]

[Sherlock mumbles anyway.]

Justdrawingcomparisons.

Brilliant observation, John. Gotten rusty while I've been away have you? Of course, you weren't all that great to begin with, always seeing but forgetting to observe.

[Sherlock, still is bad at this.]


{{OOC: Feel free to punch him, he deserves it :/}}

Yes, I have my own Mr Holmes I need to figure out too...

[cleanshavendr]

[Still bad at it? You don't say...

It's not like John had expected him to change but it has been two years and he'd forgotten just how blunt Sherlock was, among many other things. John is going to clench his fists and move towards Sherlock before taking a few deep breaths to stop himself. He had promised Mary he would...stay calm.

No promises though. He grits his teeth and his words come out a little forced and sarcastic.]

Good to see you haven't changed, Sherlock.

I have a Mycroft as well - the two of them are arguing in my head now ...

[highfunctioning_sociopath]

[And because of the words stated, the sarcasm goes right over his head.]

Really? I thought... well... It's been two years, so I thought I might have changed too much.

[He'll not mention the tortures he has endured - unless John forces him to.]

The two Holmes brothers arguing in your head, poor you!

[cleanshavendr]

As far as I can tell you're the same old Sherlock.

[Yes the same infuriating, know-it-all, brilliant Sherlock. But yes as far as he can tell is apt though he has said sorry a lot to him. Not something the Sherlock of two years ago would have done. But then again back then he hadn't disappeared for two years letting John think he was dead

John raises a brow]

Unless you're admitting to changing yourself?

Thanks, it has its benefits - sometimes, just not right now.

[highfunctioning_sociopath]

[Sherlock frowns - it's more of a pout.]

Don't me ridiculous. If I haven't changed, why did you make me... jump through all those hoops... [He scowls.] ...Saying sorry so many times.

[See John? He does care.]

[cleanshavendr]

I didn't make you do or say anything, Sherlock. You did that all by yourself.

[John pauses a little then before nodding his head slightly with a sigh]

But you're right. You have changed. I mean the old Sherlock is definitely still there but there's something different alright.

[highfunctioning_sociopath]

[He looks at John, really looks at him.]

Tell me more.

[Because Sherlock is completely off-balance. Two years with John wasn't enough to carry him through two years without John.]

[cleanshavendr]

The way you...talk to people is different. Would the Sherlock of two years have said the things that you've said to me since you came back? You're trying to make up for the time that you've been away. Two years is a long time, Sherlock and things have changed for me and for all of us.

[He's not good at talking about this kind of thing and he knows he's not getting his point across very well at all but he's trying to.]

...I'm sure you'll get used to being around again soon.

[highfunctioning_sociopath]

[Sherlock considers John's statements.]

I'm not trying to "Make up for the time I've been away."

[Quite the opposite, he was trying to pick up where he left off before things went all screwy with the kidnapped children case. The problem is: two years away.]

[Sherlock starts to pace, because that's what he does when he thinks.]

Look, John... While I was...

[He sighs and shakes his head.]

Forget it.

[cleanshavendr]

[Well, to John they're pretty similar things: making up for time he's been away and trying to pick up where he left off that is. But if Sherlock wants to think of it that way the he's going to let him.

John's eyes follow him as he starts to pace around in front of him. Yeah, he knows exactly what the pacing means. Sherlock's words make him frown a little.]

No, you can't do that. Start saying something and then back down.

[He looks at Sherlock for a long moment before speaking again.] What happened to you while you were gone, Sherlock? Where were you?

[highfunctioning_sociopath]

[He frowns, what does he tell John? Well, the simplest. It's not a lie, but it's not what he doesn't want to talk about.]

I was dismantling Moriarty's Network.

[But that isn't what he was going to say before. He was going to tell John - John had come with him, sort of - John's voice in his head. So annoying.]

[cleanshavendr]

[He nods at that. Sherlock had mentioned that before, hadn't he? A few times but then he had still been quite angry at him at that point.]

Right. Of course you were.

[He does believe that's what Sherlock was doing but he can tell that's not what he wanted to say to him.]

But that's not what you were going to tell me, was it?

This might be horribly AU if we get more info about his 2 years away.

[highfunctioning_sociopath]

[Sherlock sighs and starts pacing again. This time it's slower, more methodical.]

It was unlike anything I had ever done before. Failure didn't just mean my death, but would have meant the death of you, Mrs Hudson and Lestrade.

[He pauses in front of where John is sitting.]

I... It's a strange thing doing that kind of work for that long. Reality no longer seems real and the illusions...

[They seem rather real, not that he'd admit that.]

I needed something to ground me. I didn't lie when I said I wanted to tell you so many times...

Iwroteletters

[It came out as one word, not much louder than a whisper. He'll leave off the bit of hearing John in his head.]

AU/Headcanon is always a-ok with me anyway!

[cleanshavendr]

[And John's eyes continue to follow him, a bit of a frown starting to furrow his brow. Of course if Sherlock's, Mrs Hudson's and Lestrade's lives were at risk John would have done anything to protect them. Of course he probably wouldn't have thought of anything quite so elaborate as Sherlock did.]

Illusions?

[Sherlock is free to ignore that question...John's starting to get the idea now, looking up at Sherlock from his sitting position that being away for two years was hard on him too. He hears the whispered one word and pauses for a moment, trying to think of what to say in response.]

But you didn't send them? I know...you couldn't.

<3

[highfunctioning_sociopath]

[Sherlock will ignore the question, sort of, he'll get back to it - John should learn about it at some point.]

It's not just that I couldn't send them... They became... Well, the opposite of your blog, I guess.

Your therapist wanted you to keep a blog to help you adjust to civilian like. Then it became all about me.

The letters... I started them to be about me and...

[He gives a one shoulder shrug and doesn't say more for a long time.]

Eventually... it was like I could hear you responding...

[He stops completely, clearly embarrassed - God, why did he say that? John's voice in his head challenges him: "You going to run?" Sherlock's reply is mumbled out loud.]

Maybe.

[cleanshavendr]

[And now John doesn't even know what to stay. He's listened to all that Sherlock had to say and he's now staring up at him with his mouth open. Once he realizes he's doing just that he closes it again, clearing his throat a little before he speaks.]

Wow...wow...

[Oh come on, John. You can do better than that.]

So, you...imagined my voice? Like I was there with you? Or...are you saying you actually heard my voice? I'm just trying to understand.

I'm just playing with this, if I'm pushing it too far, let me know!

[highfunctioning_sociopath]

[Sherlock bites his lip and turns around. He's said too much. Damn it! John's voice chuckles at him, "Did you really expect you wouldn't?"]

I'm not crazy!

[Might have come out a little too strongly, after all he was answering both Johns - he shakes his head, this is getting confusing.]

You know what? Forget it.

This is great, I'm loving it!

[cleanshavendr]

[John looks more than a little surprised at Sherlock's sudden outburst and his holds his hands out in front of him a little.]

Now hold on, Sherlock. I never said you were crazy I'm just trying to understand.

[Because it is confusing]

You don't want to talk about it, fine. But I'm not going to forget it either.

Oh? Good to know XD

[highfunctioning_sociopath]

[Sherlock takes a calming breath and then all but throws himself into his chair. It's a long pregnant pause as Sherlock gathers his thoughts.]

I called you my "conductor of light."

...

And then I didn't have you any more.

[He can't even look at John now, afraid he's admitted too much - utterly paralysed by what John's response will be to that.]

I'm terrible I love to see muses suffer or get embarrassed or feel uncomfortable in any way XD

[cleanshavendr]

[John doesn't take his eyes off Sherlock as he drop-down into the chair. Well at least he's not pacing around anymore. That's always a good thing and it saves John from getting too dizzy

He mumbles a little to himself, nothing that can be made out before speaking up again.]

And what about now? Do you still hear it even now you're back?

*Frowns* You LIKE Moffatt's stories, don't you :P (I'm expecting several character deaths next week)

[highfunctioning_sociopath]

[Sherlock might turn the tiniest shade of pink as he nods, once. He still can't speak, though. And still doesn't look at John.]

Noooo.... *shifty eyes* (Yeah me too *SOBS*)

[cleanshavendr]

Wow, okay. Right…

[Yeah, he still doesn’t know what to say. This is kind of new for him.]

Maybe it will go away eventually? Soon, I’m sure it will go away soon.