(headcanon) birthday boy in a few hours 8')

[crownless]

Lady, I don't think you know how fiction works. The point is that the story is contained-- as in, it's still 2010 where I am and it will always be 2010. Whatever happened to all that weird meta time loop crap you were so into?

[you just don't want to admit that you're 33, travis.]

Because I'm not! Are you even listening?!

...No, you can't get my goddamn twin brother to confirm, he'll tell you the same damn thing!

Comments

[ishotyouuu]

Hey, chill out and eat your prunes, Grandpa. Age ain't nothin' but a number.

[Says the man who's permanently physically 33.]

What do you even care how old you are? You're a fictional character! You can't die. I mean, unless your pal Suda decides to kill you off in a sequel. That would kinda suck.

[crownless]

Don't push it, Pops, you need help keeping your bowels movements regular way more'n I do. You're, what, eighty? [HE KNOWS IT'S LESS BUT HE'S BEING AN ASSHOLE, OKAY]

Technically, I can. Repeatedly. [hi players he's felt every time Jasper Batt chucked him out the window.] Not that that's anything novel to you, though.

[ishotyouuu]

I meant permanently, dipshit. Someone's always hittin' that reset button, y'know?

And my bowels have a flawless shift pattern, thank you very much. You should worry more about yourself. I've seen how long it sometimes takes you to save. More fiber would probably help with that. Jussayin'.

Oh, and "Pops"? Really? Real snappy comeback there, Shakespeare. That's not what you were callin' me last night.

[deshabille]

Have her check your rings.

[crownless]

What rings?

[quick mal knock him over and check]

[deshabille]

Like rings in a tree.

[SHOUTING UPWARD:]

Just break him open and see!

[flirts]

Does ze birthday boy want a present~?

[crownless]

Oh fuck, no, I learned my lesson-- you're not gonna get me again!

[ >travis touchdown
>learn
>girlslaughing.jpg]

What is it, huh? You gonna step on my face with stiletto heels this time?

[flirts]

Well, if you are going to be so cynical, maybe I won't tell you.

[fortunefavored]

Cry me a river, dude, you're still younger than me!

But hey, if it makes you feel better, we can find some alcohol somewhere.

[crownless]

Time bullshit, McFly: I'm still older than you. Uh, I think. [S H R U G ?????]

Booze? [pfffffff] Well, shit, happy birthday to me!

[fortunefavored]

Depends on what timeline we're talking! If I'm in my canon, I'm older than you. If I'm in your canon, I'm younger.

What's a birthday without booze? Even if it's Tendo's moonshine but y'know.

[ex_depaysement502]

...What kind of cake do you want?

[crownless]

[c A K E????????]

What kind of cake can you make?

[ex_depaysement502]

The staples, chocolate, vanilla, that sort of thing. Nothing too complicated, but it's from scratch.

[logicals]

U mad, bro?

[crownless]

[................is that sherlock fucking holmes and did he really just.]

What.

[redeemable]

Cry more, old man.

[such fast friends, them.]

[crownless]

Fuck off, junior, I'm not changing your diapers for you.

[much love. such friendship.]

[6s_wild]

You should be grateful, gramps. In my time you'd be dead.

2280 represent.

...

That's how you old timers used to say it, right?

[crownless]

Uh, yeah, no one says that. Unless you're tryin' to be a shitty TV gangster.

[starbreaking]

33? Whoa, getting up th-- oh. Uh!

Ha-happy birthday!! Heh! Heh...

[crownless]

I'm not deaf, y'fuckin' brat.

[crotchpunch]

It hurts me deep within my heart that no Henry has showed up yet to defend your honor. Oh well; hope you like soggy food and prune juice, grandpa.

[AKA happy birthday big bro.]

[crownless]

Oh, come on-- you're two fucking years younger than I am!