Karkat made a new friend

[malignantrage]

OH MY GOD!
I SWEAR EACH SUCCESSIVE MUSE THAT ENTERS YOUR HEAD IS A BIGGER ASSHOLE THAN THE LAST.
I DIDN'T THINK IT WAS POSSIBLE FOR ANYONE TO BE MORE OF A DOUCHEBAG THAN DAVE
BUT SOMEHOW STRIDER NUMBER TWO PULLS IT OFF.
DIRK ACTS LIKE HE'S THE HOTTEST SHIT EVEN THOUGH HE LITERALLY BLOWS CHUNKS ALL THE WAY OUT THE PROTEIN CHUTE.
WHO DOES HE THINK HE IS TO TELL ME WHO I CAN AND CAN'T HAVE A CRUSH ON?
I AM THE EXPERT ON ROMANCE.
ME, NOT HIM.
AND THE LAST THING I NEED IS SOME INSUFFERABLE PRICK TELLING ME WHO I CAN'T DATE.
SERIOUSLY, GET THIS SMUG, NOOK SNIFFING BASTARD OUT OF HERE.
DIRK IS SUCH A DICK.
HE IS SUCH A DICK THAT DICK IS GOING TO BE HIS NAME FROM NOW ON.
WHENEVER I SAY THE WORD DICK IN THE FUTURE PLEASE ASSUME I'M TALKING ABOUT DIRK.
ALSO, DICK IS COMPLETELY DISRESPECTFUL OF MY PERSONAL SPACE.
I GUESS IT RUNS IN THE STRIDER FAMILY.
IF HE FLICKS MY HORNS WITH HIS FINGERS ONE MORE TIME I AM GOING TO SHIT SO MUCH RAGE SNAKE THAT THIS ENTIRE THINK PAN WILL BE FULL OF IT.
NOT THAT IT ALREADY ISN'T, BECAUSE WE BOTH KNOW YOU'RE FULL OF SHIT.

Comments

[apocalypticduality]

kk plea2e, ii make the biig buck2 becau2e of the mutatiion.
there2 nobody el2e wiith the 2ame confiiguratiion doiing porn here, ameteur or otherwii2e.
yeah iit2 kiind of weiird, but human2 iin general are pretty fuckiing weiird.
the only rea2on theyd be able two tell you were mutant wa2 iif you went around parrotiing iit two everyone that would lii2ten.
me, they only know when they 2ee my junk.
people dont watch the porn for the people mo2t tiime2 they watch the porn for the money 2hot.
al2o, the planet ha2 a pretty even human/troll ratiio, wiith 2ome carapaciian2 and leprechaun2 iin between.
were ju2t not a2 concentrated here where ii am.

[malignantrage]

REALLY? I DIDN'T KNOW THAT.
I JUST SORT OF ASSUMED THAT SINCE IT WAS EARTH...
YOU KNOW WHAT NEVER MIND
IT DOESN'T MATTER.
I PROBABLY SHOULDN'T EVEN BE SURPRISED BY THE PORN THING
YOU ALWAYS WERE KIND OF SHAMELESS.
LEAVE IT TO YOU TO FIND A WAY TO MAKE MONEY OFF YOUR MUTATED JUNK.
AND HOW DOES THAT WORK WITH YOU AND BRO?
IS YOUR RELATIONSHIP OPEN, OR IS IT JUST THE TWO OF YOU MAKING VIDEOS TOGETHER?
I IMAGINE THAT WOULD GET OLD AFTER AWHILE.
FROM THE AUDIENCE'S PERSPECTIVE, I MEAN.
NOT THAT YOU WOULD GET SICK OF HIM OR ANYTHING.

[smuppetwrangler]

[Bro's totally been here this whole time. You just didn't notice, man. At least he didn't do the flash-step behind you thing he could have done. He's just... There. Leaning against a wall. Being a smug, huge shit.]
Works pretty fucking well on this end
I'm pretty sure you've got a damn narrow view of what sex can be if you think it could get boring for anybody
Mutant junk or no

[malignantrage]

THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT.
NOT THAT IT WOULD GET BORING FOR YOU OR HIM JUST
FUCK, HOW DO I EXPLAIN THIS?
IN PORN YOU NEED VARIETY
AND DIRK SAYS THAT MEANS NEW FACES.
I DON'T KNOW, MAYBE HE'S JUST SAYING THAT TO JUSTIFY MACKING ON A BUNCH OF DIFFERENT GUYS.
I'M NOT THE PORN EXPERT HERE.
IN ANY CASE IT WAS JUST A QUESTION.
IT WASN'T INTENDED TO BE AN INSULT OR ANYTHING.

[smuppetwrangler]

Dirk's young
He needs that kinda thing
I've done the rounds, played the player
I'm just glad I don't need to anymore
I'm done with that noise
Just wanna sit back and gloat because of what I have
Instead of psych myself out of it again

No offense taken, dude

[malignantrage]

MAYBE THIS WILL SOUND WEIRD, BUT I'M GLAD TO HEAR THAT.
SOLLUX DESERVES SOMEONE WHO WILL STICK AROUND
AND YOU SEEM REALLY COMMITED TO HIM.

[smuppetwrangler]

Heh
I'm fond of him, what can I say

[malignantrage]

HE'S A GOOD GUY.
SHIT, DON'T TELL HIM I SAID THAT.
WE HAVE THIS THING WHERE WE CONSTANTLY DISPARAGE EACH OTHER.
IT KIND OF WORKS, SO I DON'T WANT TO MESS WITH IT.

[smuppetwrangler]

My lips are hereby zipped
Your palespades complexity is safe with me

[apocalypticduality]

_{[SUDDENLY BRO so yeah he's just gonna go over there and lounge around with him.]}

yeah, what he 2aiid, more eloquently than what ii would have.
remember when ii 2aiid that human2 could be really creatiive when iit came two 2ex?
a lot of iit ii2 very, very ea2y two jump on board wiith.

and nah, thii2 ii2nt earth.
iit2 earth-2haped, but thii2 world doe2nt have an actual name yet.

[malignantrage]

AGAIN, THAT'S SOMETHING I'M GOING TO HAVE TO TAKE YOUR WORD FOR.
I DON'T KNOW A WHOLE LOT ABOUT IT
I WAS JUST CURIOUS.
THIS IS AN AWKWARD CONVERSATION FOR ME TO HAVE
AND I PROBABLY WOULDN'T EVEN BE COMFORTABLE TALKING ABOUT IT IF IT WEREN'T FOR A CERTAIN PERVERT RESIDING IN THE SAME THINK PAN.
ANYWAY I'M GLAD THE TWO OF YOU ARE HAPPY.

[apocalypticduality]

iim not bored wiith hiim.
he2 not bored wiith me.
the audiience ii2nt bored wiith the two of u2 twogether.
ii thiink that count2 a2 a wiin.
ii gue22 the mo2t ii can hope ii2 that you fiind that two eventually.
yknow, 2an2 audiience.
or wiith audiience, iif iit come2 two liight that you liike doiing the exhiibiitiion thiing.

[malignantrage]

NO, I'M DEFINTIELY GOING SANS AUDIENCE.
EXHIBITION IS YOUR THING, NOT MINE.
I GUESS I WOULDN'T MIND HAVING SOMEONE LIKE THAT THOUGH
I MEAN, SANS THE PORN TOO BECAUSE VIDEOTAPING IT WOULD MAKE ME UNCOMFORTABLE REGARDLESS OF WHO ENDED UP WATCHING.
I'M JUST NOT ENTIRELY SURE WHO I WANT THAT PERSON TO BE.
THERE ARE SO MANY OPTIONS.
I USED TO BE SO CERTAIN WHAT I WANTED
BUT NOW I'M JUST CONFUSED.
THE MULTIVERSE HAS A WAY OF DOING THAT.

[apocalypticduality]

the thiing ii2 that you never actually expect who you end up wiith.
you really thiink ii ever got iit iin miind two go "hey you know what would be cool?"
"mackiing on dave2 older brother."
"then ii thiink well get marriied becau2e that2 totally 2omethiing ii can 2ee iin my future."
no way dude, dont go around expectiing 2omeone two come iintwo your quadrant2.
liife ha2 a way of 2urprii2iing you wiith 2hiit.
2o who you oriigiinally wanted iin your quadrant2 ii2nt even goiing two fiigure iintwo who eventually fall2 iintwo them permanent-liike.
what iim 2ayiing ii2 that you 2houldnt try two plan anythiing liike that.
ju2t get on wiith your liife.
the re2t wiill follow.

[malignantrage]

I'M NOT REALLY CONCERNED WITH WHO I END UP WITH.
IT'S MORE ABOUT WHAT I ORIGINALLY WANTED IN THE QUADRANTS AND WHETHER OR NOT IT WAS EVER A GOOD IDEA IN THE FIRST PLACE.
I USED TO THINK ROMANCE WAS THIS FATED THING
AND THAT THERE WAS SOMEONE OUT THERE WHO WAS MEANT FOR ME IN EACH QUADRANT.
BUT THE TRUTH IS MUCH MORE COMPLICATED THAN THAT.
THERE ARE ALL THESE PEOPLE WHO COULD FIT IN ALL THESE DIFFERENT QUADRANTS AND YOU NEVER "KNOW" WHICH IS "THE ONE" OR EVEN IF "THE ONE" IS ACTUALLY A THING YOU SHOULD BE SEARCHING FOR.
WHAT IF I HAVE A BUNCH OF DIFFERENT OPPORUNITIES TO BE IN A QUADRANT WITH SOMEONE BUT I'M STUPIDLY WASTING THEM ALL BECAUSE THE RELATIONSHIP DOESN'T LIVE UP TO MY IMPOSSIBLE STANDARDS?
BUT ON THE OTHER HAND I CAN'T JUST DROP MY STANDARDS ALTOGETHER
THE LAST THING I'M GOING TO DO IS TURN INTO SOME DESPERATE FUCK WHO WILL GET WITH JUST ANYONE.
EVERYONE NEEDS STANDARDS.
I JUST NEED THEM TO BE REASONABLE.
BUT I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT REASONABLE IS.
LIKE WHAT COULD I REASONABLY EXPECT OUT OF ANY GIVEN RELATIONSHIP?
I DON'T KNOW.

I GUESS THAT MY MAIN CONCERN IS THAT I'M NOT SURE WHAT I'M LOOKING FOR ANYMORE.
AND MAYBE I'VE ALREADY WASTED SOME OF THE OPPORTUNITIES I HAD.
I KEEP TRYING, BUT I'M ALWAYS AFRAID I'LL KEEP FUCKING IT UP.
I'M NEVER CERTAIN ABOUT ANYTHING.
HOW WOULD I KNOW IF THE RIGHT PERSON CAME ALONG?
I CAN'T EVEN ANSWER THAT.

[apocalypticduality]

hone2tly, you dont know iif whoever youre wiith ii2 "the one" riight away.
but youre riight about the 2tandard2 thiing.
hold onto them, but dont be riigiid and driive everyone away iif they dont liive up two every la2t expectatiion.
ii lucked out iin a huge way.
ii found 2omeone that ii cliicked wiith on pretty much every 2iingle level.
but that took tiime, and talkiing, and feeliing eachother out and occa2iionally up.
maybe youre not 2uppo2ed two fiind 2omeone riight now, or iin the near future.
but ii doubt youre goiing two ju2t be alone forever.
ii mean fuck, even ED found 2omeone two hold onto.

[malignantrage]

THANKS, I APPRECIATE THAT.
I DON'T KNOW IF I'VE EVER FELT THAT WAY ABOUT ANYONE.
MOST PEOPLE I CLICK WITH ON A FEW THINGS, BUT NOT MOST OF THEM.
I GUESS THAT'S NORMAL THOUGH.
NOT EVERYONE FINDS SOMEONE THEY HAVE THAT MUCH IN COMMON WITH.
BUT SOMETIMES THE DIFFERENCES CAN BE EXCITING TOO.
PARTICULARLY IF THEY BRING SOMETHING TO THE RELATIONSHIP THAT YOU NEVER HAD BEFORE.
AND I THINK THAT IT'S POSSIBLE TO LEARN FROM PEOPLE.
AT LEAST, I HOPE SO.
BECAUSE I'D LIKE TO THINK I'VE LEARNED FROM AT LEAST SOME OF MY MISTAKES
SO I CAN DO BETTER NEXT TIME.