Karkat made a new friend

[malignantrage]

OH MY GOD!
I SWEAR EACH SUCCESSIVE MUSE THAT ENTERS YOUR HEAD IS A BIGGER ASSHOLE THAN THE LAST.
I DIDN'T THINK IT WAS POSSIBLE FOR ANYONE TO BE MORE OF A DOUCHEBAG THAN DAVE
BUT SOMEHOW STRIDER NUMBER TWO PULLS IT OFF.
DIRK ACTS LIKE HE'S THE HOTTEST SHIT EVEN THOUGH HE LITERALLY BLOWS CHUNKS ALL THE WAY OUT THE PROTEIN CHUTE.
WHO DOES HE THINK HE IS TO TELL ME WHO I CAN AND CAN'T HAVE A CRUSH ON?
I AM THE EXPERT ON ROMANCE.
ME, NOT HIM.
AND THE LAST THING I NEED IS SOME INSUFFERABLE PRICK TELLING ME WHO I CAN'T DATE.
SERIOUSLY, GET THIS SMUG, NOOK SNIFFING BASTARD OUT OF HERE.
DIRK IS SUCH A DICK.
HE IS SUCH A DICK THAT DICK IS GOING TO BE HIS NAME FROM NOW ON.
WHENEVER I SAY THE WORD DICK IN THE FUTURE PLEASE ASSUME I'M TALKING ABOUT DIRK.
ALSO, DICK IS COMPLETELY DISRESPECTFUL OF MY PERSONAL SPACE.
I GUESS IT RUNS IN THE STRIDER FAMILY.
IF HE FLICKS MY HORNS WITH HIS FINGERS ONE MORE TIME I AM GOING TO SHIT SO MUCH RAGE SNAKE THAT THIS ENTIRE THINK PAN WILL BE FULL OF IT.
NOT THAT IT ALREADY ISN'T, BECAUSE WE BOTH KNOW YOU'RE FULL OF SHIT.

Comments

[malignantrage]

WELL ISN'T THAT FUCKING CONVENIENT?
GET THIS EVERYONE: VRISKA HAS DATED PLENTY OF AWESOME GUYS I'VE NEVER HEARD OF.
WAIT A MINUTE.
NO ONE CARES.

[dicey]

Are you sure? 8ecause for someone who doesn't care you seem pretty invested.

[malignantrage]

OKAY, MAYBE I'M JUST A LITTLE NOSTALGIC.
I HAVEN'T YELLED AT YOU LIKE THIS IN A LONG TIME.
NOT THAT I MISSED IT ALL THAT MUCH.
THERE ARE PLENTY OF PEOPLE I'D SOONER CATCH UP WITH THAN YOU.
PRETTY MUCH ALL OF THEM IN FACT.
BUT I GUESS THIS IS A START.

[dicey]

8ullshit, there have to 8e people you miss less than me.

[malignantrage]

LET ME THINK ABOUT THAT FOR A MINUTE.
HM.
NOT REALLY.
THOUGH I HAVE TO ADMIT EQUIUS COMES CLOSE.
IF I NEVER SAW THAT ASSHOLE AGAIN IT WOULD BE JUST FINE WITH ME.

[dicey]

I d8ed him for a little while, too. ::::)

[malignantrage]

OH MY GOD.
TOO MUCH INFORMATION, SERKET!
I DIDN'T NEED TO KNOW THAT!

[dicey]

How the hell is "we d8ed" too much information?

[malignantrage]

IT'S TOO MUCH INFORMATION BECAUSE THE IDEA OF YOU TWO MAKING OUT IS JUST FUCKING GROSS.
GREAT, NOW I CAN'T GET THE OBSCENE IMAGE OUT OF MY THINK PAN.
THANKS FOR THAT!

[dicey]

It's weird that you didn't have that reaction to the thought of me d8ing anyone else.

[malignantrage]

NO ONE ELSE I KNOW IS AS CREEPY AS HIM.

[dicey]

Except me, right?

[malignantrage]

NOT REALLY.
SURE, YOU'RE SCARY AND DANGEROUS AND ALL
BUT I DON'T THINK YOU GET OFF WATCHING PEOPLE HAVE THEIR LEGS AMPUTATED.
VIOLENCE IS DEFINITELY SOMETHING YOU'RE COOL WITH, BUT IT ISN'T A SEXUAL THING FOR YOU.
UNLESS I'M WRONG AND IT IS.
BUT IF IT IS I DON'T WANT TO KNOW, ALL RIGHT?
JUST KEEP THAT CREEPY SHIT TO YOURSELF.

[dicey]

It's not unless it's a kismesis thing! 8ut I don't want to talk a8out that with you either.

[malignantrage]

THANK YOU FOR CLARIFYING THE EXACT THING I JUST TOLD YOU I DIDN'T WANT TO KNOW!
YOU ARE BEING SO HELPFUL TODAY!

[dicey]

Whatever, I didn't say anything that wasn't already kind of a given!

[malignantrage]

FINE, I GIVE UP.
YOU AND EQUIUS ARE CLEARLY MADE FOR EACH OTHER.
GO HAVE YOUR CREEPY RELATIONSHIP SOMEWHERE ELSE.

[dicey]

We're not together anymore. He left ages ago.

[malignantrage]

THEN WHO ARE YOU DATING AT THE MOMENT?
OR ARE YOU CURRENTLY SINGLE?
THAT'S DIFFICULT TO IMAGINE, ACTUALLY.
YOU USUALLY HAVE ALL THE IRONS IN THE FIRE.
AND BY IRONS I MEAN BOYFRIENDS.

[dicey]

No8ody in that quadrant.

[malignantrage]

OH, THAT SUCKS.
I DON'T HAVE ANYONE EITHER.
I MEAN, I'VE TALKED TO A LOT OF PEOPLE IN MEMES AND THINGS
BUT UNTIL I HAVE A PERMANENT HOME IT DOESN'T MATTER BECAUSE NOTHING LASTS.
I'M NOT SURE I WANT TO GO TO A GAME THOUGH.
MY MUN PICKS THE WORST GAMES.
I'M AFRAID SOMETHING HORRIBLE WILL HAPPEN.

[dicey]

Do you even want someone in the 8lack quadrant?

[malignantrage]

RIGHT NOW I WANT SOMEONE IN ANY QUADRANT.
SO YES, I'D LIKE A KISMESIS.
IT'S BEEN AWHILE SINCE I FELT THAT WAY ABOUT ANYONE OTHER THAN MYSELF, THOUGH.
WHO ELSE COULD I FIND TO HATE THAT MUCH?

[dicey]

That's messed up. You know that, right?

[malignantrage]

I KNOW.
THE MOST MESSED UP PART IS THAT THERE ARE DUPLICATES OF ME EVERYWHERE.
SO WHAT WAS ONCE JUST A BUNCH OF BULLSHIT ON A MEMO COULD BECOME A FULL-ON CALIGINOUS AFFAIR IF I RAN INTO THE WRONG ONE.
THE LAST TIME I YELLED AT ME I WAS BARELY ABLE TO KEEP THE HATE PLATONIC.