Karkat made a new friend

[malignantrage]

OH MY GOD!
I SWEAR EACH SUCCESSIVE MUSE THAT ENTERS YOUR HEAD IS A BIGGER ASSHOLE THAN THE LAST.
I DIDN'T THINK IT WAS POSSIBLE FOR ANYONE TO BE MORE OF A DOUCHEBAG THAN DAVE
BUT SOMEHOW STRIDER NUMBER TWO PULLS IT OFF.
DIRK ACTS LIKE HE'S THE HOTTEST SHIT EVEN THOUGH HE LITERALLY BLOWS CHUNKS ALL THE WAY OUT THE PROTEIN CHUTE.
WHO DOES HE THINK HE IS TO TELL ME WHO I CAN AND CAN'T HAVE A CRUSH ON?
I AM THE EXPERT ON ROMANCE.
ME, NOT HIM.
AND THE LAST THING I NEED IS SOME INSUFFERABLE PRICK TELLING ME WHO I CAN'T DATE.
SERIOUSLY, GET THIS SMUG, NOOK SNIFFING BASTARD OUT OF HERE.
DIRK IS SUCH A DICK.
HE IS SUCH A DICK THAT DICK IS GOING TO BE HIS NAME FROM NOW ON.
WHENEVER I SAY THE WORD DICK IN THE FUTURE PLEASE ASSUME I'M TALKING ABOUT DIRK.
ALSO, DICK IS COMPLETELY DISRESPECTFUL OF MY PERSONAL SPACE.
I GUESS IT RUNS IN THE STRIDER FAMILY.
IF HE FLICKS MY HORNS WITH HIS FINGERS ONE MORE TIME I AM GOING TO SHIT SO MUCH RAGE SNAKE THAT THIS ENTIRE THINK PAN WILL BE FULL OF IT.
NOT THAT IT ALREADY ISN'T, BECAUSE WE BOTH KNOW YOU'RE FULL OF SHIT.

Comments

[malignantrage]

THEN WHO ARE YOU DATING AT THE MOMENT?
OR ARE YOU CURRENTLY SINGLE?
THAT'S DIFFICULT TO IMAGINE, ACTUALLY.
YOU USUALLY HAVE ALL THE IRONS IN THE FIRE.
AND BY IRONS I MEAN BOYFRIENDS.

[dicey]

No8ody in that quadrant.

[malignantrage]

OH, THAT SUCKS.
I DON'T HAVE ANYONE EITHER.
I MEAN, I'VE TALKED TO A LOT OF PEOPLE IN MEMES AND THINGS
BUT UNTIL I HAVE A PERMANENT HOME IT DOESN'T MATTER BECAUSE NOTHING LASTS.
I'M NOT SURE I WANT TO GO TO A GAME THOUGH.
MY MUN PICKS THE WORST GAMES.
I'M AFRAID SOMETHING HORRIBLE WILL HAPPEN.

[dicey]

Do you even want someone in the 8lack quadrant?

[malignantrage]

RIGHT NOW I WANT SOMEONE IN ANY QUADRANT.
SO YES, I'D LIKE A KISMESIS.
IT'S BEEN AWHILE SINCE I FELT THAT WAY ABOUT ANYONE OTHER THAN MYSELF, THOUGH.
WHO ELSE COULD I FIND TO HATE THAT MUCH?

[dicey]

That's messed up. You know that, right?

[malignantrage]

I KNOW.
THE MOST MESSED UP PART IS THAT THERE ARE DUPLICATES OF ME EVERYWHERE.
SO WHAT WAS ONCE JUST A BUNCH OF BULLSHIT ON A MEMO COULD BECOME A FULL-ON CALIGINOUS AFFAIR IF I RAN INTO THE WRONG ONE.
THE LAST TIME I YELLED AT ME I WAS BARELY ABLE TO KEEP THE HATE PLATONIC.

[dicey]

Hahahahahaha! Oh my god. You should totally start d8ing yourself Karkat, it'd 8e gr8.

[malignantrage]

NO.
I MEAN, I DON'T SEE HOW THAT COULD POSSIBLY BE PRODUCTIVE
UNLESS IT GAVE ME A CHANCE TO WORK ON MY OWN ISSUES.
OKAY, I MAY HAVE GIVEN IT SERIOUS CONSIDERATION AT SOME POINT
BUT I STILL THINK IT'D BE PATHETIC.

[dicey]

Of course it'd 8e pathetic! That's why it'd 8e funny.

[malignantrage]

FINE, IT'S PATHETIC
BUT NO MORE PATHETIC THAN ALL OF YOUR LOSER BOYFRIENDS.
AT LEAST I CAN SAY I'VE NEVER DATED ANYONE THAT AWFUL.
EVEN IF I DATED MYSELF IT WOULDN'T BE THAT AWFUL.

[dicey]

Are you 8asing allllllll of this on Eridan and Equius?

[malignantrage]

AND TAVROS.
HOW COULD YOU FORGET HIM AND HOW PATHETIC HE WAS?