dear_mun | somebody shut him up...

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obscure canon: tv shows

somebody shut him up...

Obscure? TV show? ...Right, right. It's not like books've been written, or movies've-- okay, okay, alright movie, no plural there, but it's a darn shame if you ask me because who wouldn't want more of me in their lives? --eh, don't answer that. Don't wanna tire out your scribe.

So what's this you were saying? A vacation? Yeah, yeah, I can do one of those right now. I can do one of those anytime, doll. I-- uh. Next year? Waitaminiute is that four months from now or three hundred sixty-five days from now because that's a biii-i-iig difference in how many chopped up soldier boys I have to patch up 'til then. Oh, c'mon. You've seen a whole three episodes. Even if you'd wanna put me in that little Box thingy, or the Turtle thingy, or the Happy Happy Family thingy, anywhere is better than Nowhere. Even if I have to meet that other Hawkeye that's apparently so popular now-a-days with you young whipper snappers. The pansy one in purple. I mean... just think about it. Think it over. You think you know me but... A nice young lady toying with you-- heck, that's paradise. And you don't wanna submit me to that? What a cruel, cruel world.

Oh, by the way, and that username? A-plus. Gold star. Not even old Ferret Face could think of something as clever. It's not like there's tidbits of interesting and fun trivia thrown around in banter every conceivable second, no. Just make me sound like a potato, why don't ya.

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Are you famous?

Because my mun is freaking out.

[Girl with stitches on her face. That's-- no, you know what? She's alive = she's okay.]

I damn well should be famous. Does your mun want my autograph? I've gotta borrow a pen first, but my John Hancock's to kill for. But don't tell that to someone who's freakin' out, they might just actually do it.

[She notices him staring at her stitches, don't think she hasn't.]

My mun doesn't want an autograph, though he's sure it's "finest kind" or whatever that means.

Killing huh? That happen a lot around you?

It's most definitely the most kind- uh, the most fine.

But killing? Oh, no. Not really. That only happens on those pesky little days that end in 'Y'.

Pansy one in purple? I don't know if I should feel insulted or like I should be on a gardening show.

And c'mon man, you say that like purple isn't one fantastic color to be seen in, besides, everyone has to have a signature color. Because let's face it, military green isn't really the most interesting thing to wear in any century, old man.

Beside, can you even handle all those "thingy"'s she wants to put you in?

Why can't it be both?

[No, he's kidding- kidding! He doesn't know this guy at all and so has no real beef with him. But a joke's a joke, and that's that. He makes a face at the defense of purple, though. Another when he's called an 'old man'. Eww.]

I'm banned from wearing purple, see. I suppose it must be the jealousy speaking. Last time I wore a robe that color, I was abducted by a hoard of little men who mistook me for their emperor. [Again, a joke.] Unfortunately now that I'm wearing military green, I'm being mistaken for a military man. Who'da thunk?

And whoa, whoa there. I'm not asking to be put in all those games. I'd rather go home. But that's not going to happen and she'll put me in one of them regardless. What should I do, sit down and cry? I'm a little too 'old' for that, Junior.

Because offended tv hosts never seem to stay on the air long?

[There's a long moment of quiet.]

You know, I'm really trying to figure out if you're serious here or not. Because hey, I really wouldn't be surprised, but then I live with ... What I live with. Tends to make statements like that plausible. Especially considering the game my mun has me in, really.

Yeah, good luck with all that going home thoughts, it's pretty much all down hill from now on for you. The crying might help? Some people like when a man is sobbing to go home.

Become a one-hit wonder.

[Well he'll just stand there quite comfortably, sudden silence or not. Heck, he's about to make another quip just so someone can start talking again before Junior continues. Blues eyes spark of mischief.

He should get Radar to build him a throne. But now curiosity's gotten the better of him- save yourself, Junior. He tilts his head far to one side.]

Whaddaya mean, what you live with? Come on, I'm sensing a juicy story here and you're not giving me it. I thought we had bonded. [He opens his mouth to say something stupid, closes it, and then decides to go ahead and say the stupid thing anyway.] I might just start sobbing if you don't. And you don't want to hear me cry- my laugh's obnoxious enough as it is, only a masochist would want to hear me babble through snot and spittle.

Being a one-hit wonder really isn't my style.

[He grins at Hawkeye's curiosity on the subject, as he shifts his weight]
Tech genius', gods, radiation monsters, guys with 'wings', and a girl that could knock you unconscious with a wink? Yeah, I'd say it's all pretty juicy stuff I'm not telling you, right now.

[His grin becomes a smirk.] Hey, you never know, I might like the idea of babbling snot....
I don't.

But that's not really the point I'm trying to make here.

See I can't argue with that because it's frighteningly apparent you don't have any style.

[He'd love to say that answered his intrigue but it only sprung up more questions. To say that 'radiation monsters' doesn't even conjure up an image of Godzilla- he's from before even that.

But god damnit, he is going to match that smirk and hold it.]

I promise you I'm very pretty when I babble.

[But yeah, totally not the point.] Sssso when you say this girl packs a wallop, what you means is...?

[Yeaaaaah, here have a the flattest look Clint can muster right now.] You look like that and you're going to say I don't have any style? I was born with style.

[Oh, a smirk off, ey? Well, Clint's more than happy to keep his smirk right where it is.]

I'm sure you come a close second to me. Maybe.

I mean, Natasha is the most dangerous person I've ever met. Both in fighting and being well, she's something you don't hate looking at... Until she is unimpressed with you, anyway.

Have you no respect for a man in uniform? ['s cool, respect goes down the drain when Hawkeye's talking. Offense? He takes none. It's his job to bring disgrace to the army. He'd wear bunny slippers if he had them.]

If that's the truth then I don't wanna live anymore.

[And here is when he lets loose that shit eating grin, a hint of false coyness to boot, upping the tinge of nasally tone for the heck of it.] Oh, she wouldn't be unimpressed with me.

I used to work for uniforms, so that's a no. Although I guess you could say there's one guy in a uniform I respect. Still aint you though.

[But then, most of members of SHIELD never really did anything for his respect.]

Well cheer up, I'm as good too look at from behind as I am the front. So being second could be worse.

[Clint laughs wholeheartedly at that.]

Believe me, if Tony can't charm her, you've got no hope.

Come on sweetheart, now that hurt. I've got nurses back at camp who'd say I'm very much worth the headache.

Did... You just call me sweetheart? [He shakes his head] Yeah, but is it worth the headache and bruising she'll give you.

Because I can tell you for a fact, she's no nurse. [Though, he's pretty sure she's dressed up as one on more than one occasion for secret spy stuff.]

I'm not calling you 'darling' when we haven't even shared a dance. [What do you think he is, easy?]

And I believe you owe Natasha an apology, insisting getting a little banged up isn't the point of this all.

[[OOC: Besides, I linked this on my plurk and people demanded I enable]]

Probably for the best, I'm a terrible dancer. [Clint's starting to think he might be.]

I owe her an apology? No, I really don't think that'll ever be the case between us.

Edited 2013-09-17 02:51 (UTC)

[No style, bad dancing, likes purple- jeez, is he ever glad he's not you.]

There's your problem with her, see. Women love a man who can admit he's wrong. [Like he's one to talk but oh well turning the conversation on its head is half the fun of talking.]

[Hey, there is style just oozing out to the Wazoo. It's not Clint's fault that the Captain here doesn't have the right style to appreciate it]

I don't have to admit anything. She's more than happy to point it all out. Natasha and me, we have a relationship you clearly couldn't understand.

Clearly. [He feels led on- like he was ever even promised those juicy details he can't seem to get.] Clearly you and Natasha are a very special couple. [But hell, he sounds like he's highly approving of it. When you're in the dark, what else can you do?]

Oh, we're special alright. But easy on that couple talk, we don't always do well in that department.

She's mostly just my partner. For work. And occasionally 'in crime'.

[Sorry Hawkeye, you'll be a long time waiting on details between them. Clint always ends up hurt when he talks about it.]

[Oh. Well. In that case-]

It's not uncommon to have certain problems when you're belly-up intimidated by an aggressive member of the fairer sex.

[Hah! Get it? Because Hawkeye's barking out a laugh like that's the funniest shit he's ever heard. Heck, he even turns a little red. He'll also try to slap a hand on Clint's shoulder- please don't maul him, buddy boy.]

So you're 'engaged'. Gotcha. Don't worry, your secret's safe with me. Unless you meant something dastardly like stealing pies out of orphanages when you confessed your evil-doing to me, in which case I'd be under moral obligation to inquire why and stick my nose further into your business. ['Crime', what's that? Just a word in the dictionary. Definition's lost the more it's printed.]

I'm not sure if I should laugh at you thinking I'm intimidated, or at the idea that Natasha could be considered a 'fairer sex'.

Engaged is one way to put it, but really isn't what you're thinking it means here. We work together, for that most part that's pretty much all 'partner in crime' means.

[Whoops. Here's a stern look that can be nothing but mocking.] Bite your tongue! You're built, it's true, but you're certainly no 'babe'.

[And a 'tsk tsk tsk' and a shake of his head. You're dense, Clint, dense. Pierce feels about ready to want to run his hands through his hair in frustration.] I can read between the lines just fine, thanks.

Speaking of reading-- congratulations, I might just be dragged to that zany other-world of yours before the actual planned date. Now don't get too excited, I know I'm not, and don't ask me details because I don't know 'em. The lady upstairs is calling the shots this time around so that's bad luck for anyone involved. Now, I know you'll be full to the brim with excitement but please try to contain yourself. False promises have been known to happen.

[Hell, he doesn't even know Clint's name and nope, he won't be the one asking for it here. He's good with calling the buddy 'pal'.]

Hey, I'll have you know I've been called a babe more than once in my life, thank you.

[He knows that Pierce is trying to call him a woman, but he's still been called a babe, damn it!]

Hey, don't congratulate me on this. [He puts his hands up defensively.] I have no say in what she does with my life, what makes you think I had anything to do with mine talking to yours? I just try and keep enough of a low profile that she only has me in one game, there are others that haven't been so lucky... Well one, but he likes challenges.

I'm so sorry.

[He knows Klinger's condition: it's a bad one. And then he's right back to laughing, like he doesn't even know how lost he'll be without the war driving him on.]

A low profile! Oh, what I'd do to meet that other guy!

Sorry? Why would you be sorry?

[Don't you just love the generation gap going on]

You want to meet him? He's really starting to give me a complex. Well, for a start you'd have to get your self some Pokemon and head on over to route 29. Believe me, ego like his, you couldn't miss him.

I hear slips are very difficult to take off over broad shoulders, and if your high heels are purple too, that's reason alone for lament.

[Excuse him while he ponders. Ah, he wishes he had a drink. ...actually, he wishes he knew more about what he's talking about. Story of his life. Stupid mun, not telling him anything important.]

Poke what, where?

Slip? Oh, woah, woah, woah. I don't wear any of that, where are you even getting that from?

Pokemon, like monster things that fight.

From you, good sir.

Or else I'm just as bad at reading people as I am at reading novels. Gee, I now I know why I flunked that test to be lawyer. [Except for the whole "he never took one" thing, but shhh.]

Things that fight, I'm familiar with. You'll need to tell me a little more about the boogeymen and goblins before I start being frightened of monsters under my bed again. I drove them out with garlic last time. Mother wasn't amused.

I don't at all remembering saying wearing womens things was my thing. So I'm gonna go with bad at reading people.

Well at least you're mother wont have to worry, it's a kids game, the monsters aren't actually scary or anything. At least the pointy yellow thing isn't.

My mun sure is crazy about you.

Would your mun happen to be a sweet, good looking young woman like you? [Wait, no, he's thinking twice about this-- and taking a chance to lean in close and stage whisper:] Good crazy or bad crazy?

[Lisa and her mun are both charmed by him, although the mun knows a lot more about him.]

Good crazy... usually. Although, her being crazy about something usually ends up with her having more muses in her head. That can get bad for her.

Mmm, yes. I've heard hearing voices, any more than three, in your head can really drive one bonkers. But ya know what? If it's another gal, swamp rat, or... decent human being, I'm not complaining.

That is the definition of a multiple personality disorder, isn't it?

You and your friends were part of her childhood. I'm afraid she hasn't seen you in a while.

Having a personality is a disorder.

Well now, I'm feeling like that's your way of calling me old. Or you're calling her old. Either way, tell her I'm still around and kickin' and tell her she can always write. Speaking of writing- hi, what's your name? I'd ask for a home address but that would seem a little forward.

That's an interesting way of looking at it.

She says she's not that old, but she watched reruns when she was younger. It sounds like you're the one who's been around for a while. I promise I'm not calling you old - you've aged very gracefully.

Let's start with names. I'm Lisa. You're Hawkeye?

[He snorts--

yeah, she definitely just called him old. Not that he particularly minds. He's much more concerned about anything of his being described as 'graceful'. Even if it's the odd graying hairs on his head. War does funny things. But anyway! Onto much more important matters-- one hand goes to the dog tags and he holds them in front of his eyes, looking positively confused a moment. Pondering, pondering.]

I think- uh. Hmm. Huh. Yyyeah, at least that's what these things seem to say. ['Benjamin Franklin Pierce' hardly spells out his nickname. But now he lets them drop and sports a grin.] You uh... come here often? [He'd offer a private tour of the Swamp, but darnit, the damn tent's not even here.]

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somebody shut him up...

Hawkeye~

I fell in love with the bastard ;A;

So did I. Also LATE

Ha! There's no such thing as 'late' around me

From one Hawkeye to another

For the record, I love the color purple :P

Yeah, it was a really goo movie [/shot]

OH NO I didn't even catch that-- orz

LOL I just couldn't leave it sitting there

You did done well!

I'm humbled by your praise.

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SO, hey. What's your thoughts on Digimon? /So not on an angle to temp you at all

I was in TT when it started up actually! But can it handle TWO Hawkeyes?

Can it handle two? Probably not. But should that stop them? Naaah

Hah! Like it would. I'll consider it for when I get time :3

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If I had time to rewatch the show, I definitely would... >.<

It's up on Project Free TV, in case you ever get time for an episode!

I'm not familiar with free project tv, I'll look into it!

Do! It has great stuff.