(games, huffhuff. jake's straining the leash.)

[thighstraps]

Now im not about to upchuck at the mere mention of certain sockdollagers youve dumped in my lap as of late but we must have words!
Firstly i feel its necessary to remind you im not some riffraff palooka who cant hold his weight in a scrum. As much of a boondoggle as the situation was with the blasted wrestlebot its a relief to see youre on the level about enjoying my company for what it is.
I was something of a solicitous sheila about the subject with you and gosh darned it wrung out my proverbial kerchief several times imagining you and i were at odds!
We are quite the partners in crime my dear girl. Let us never entertain the notion of bum rushing each other again.
You are frightfully accommodating after all so thank you indubitably.

Onward to fresher topics though...!
The thing with jane is...
Complicated. Shes such an upstanding gal and really knows her onions about what she wants in life that i should think id be a waffle brained moonshiner not to appreciate her as she is.
A bully friend and sweet as the dickens dame!

*Punches the air in a triumphant nod to this sweetheart.*

Knowing she will always be the stepping stone to my happiness really does enthuse me to encourage my placement in a game where i can enjoy some quality time with both her and the ever vivacious miss lalonde.
If my best bro could also be there then i think all would not only be the cats whiskers but also the saucy beasts meow!
Now if everyone could direct their attention away from my humdinger of a chassis we can all get on with having top notch adventures.
I should be chuffed to tote my guns along for the ride too.
 

Comments

[testifies]

Oh.
This feels a bit backwards.
I.
Really?

[thighstraps]

What do you mean backwards?




Shit. Is this...
Ive just royally fucked up havent i. You werent wooing me at all.

[testifies]

No, that's not it, you insufferable, hedonistic idiot.
I was.
Kind of?
You've just thrown all my careful maybe-planning out of the loop completely.
It was going to be Hollywoodesque bravado as a homage to my big bro as a final gesture.



I wasn't entirely expecting a yes.

[thighstraps]

Why not?

[testifies]

It doesn't matter.

[thighstraps]

At any rate you might still get the chance to exact your drama!
This isnt quite our universe or so says my mundane so it might be some time before i get to be less of a shit about the subject than i have in the past.
Allow me to apologize if i have at any time been insensitive.

[testifies]

You were just being you.
I might not even go through with it.
For all extents in purposes, in true-canon linear timelines, I might choke like a bride with cold feet. Flee from the scene with my balls between my legs and a cold sweat on my back.
Sad violin will play in the background for Dirk Strider's pride and confidence: killed ruthlessly by teenage hormones and performance anxiety.


... At you least you know here.
I'm not pussying out of the truth here.

[thighstraps]

But you really shouldnt give up hope!!!
I appreciate knowing the truth even if it does rumple our relationship a little because then i can deal with it properly and like an adult. Honesty is always the best policy.
We are going to be friends forever so theres no point pretending otherwise. You are at the absolute top of the tipple as far as broships go!
Its not even as if im completely wrapped up in the idea of there fragmenting off an us in this place i mean its a dashed big step to take with anyone.
A chap needs time to adjust completely to the idea of being a significant beau when he hasnt lived much at all but i know i neednt get into all that rot with you because you understand.

And well if we were elsewhere other than worrying about entering a horrid game that makes us sweat bullets then we would have more time to grow up together.
That would be the grandest adventure of all!

[testifies]

How the fuck are you literally some anti-Peter Pan? I don't understand at all how you do it.
I don't know what's going to happen in the future, English. But I guess it's a little comforting that you hold me in such high regards.
But can we not have the term "significant beau" used in serious conversation ever again please, I just balked so strikingly that my face aches a little bit.

If you go somewhere, I'll come with you. If you want.
I don't want to find out you've got stuck somewhere on your own without anyone to give you back up.
You might get your ass thoroughly kicked my someone other than my brobot.

And I guess we should talk about other things.
At some point.
I think maybe establishing everything crystal clear without grand metaphors and your horseshit old world vocabulary would be a good idea.

[thighstraps]

Oh.
Yes certainly.

Sorry its just how i talk. I didnt mean any of this to come off like its just baloney...
I mean nonsense.

[testifies]

It's just a one off occasion, English.
I don't actually mind.

[thighstraps]

I feel very uncertain about what to say to you all of a sudden.
*Dabs back of neck with kerchief...*

[testifies]

"Yes, Dirk, I will talk with you seriously about feelings and what-not so that we can establish what the fuck it is we want and maybe lay down some boundaries like they're butter in a pan of some delicious, meaty bacon."
That'll do.

[thighstraps]

I dont know what i want i just know im okay with the idea of things happening.
While we are on the subject im going to mentally omit DELICIOUS MEATY BACON from that phrasing.
*Eyes crossover!*

[testifies]

Don't hate on the bacon, yo.

[thighstraps]

Strider my man i will ROAST your bacon seven ways from sunday!

[testifies]

Hahahahaha.
Holy shit.
Hahahahahahah.
Good one.

[thighstraps]

Yes laugh now while you can pretty boy!
The crack of your rear meeting the ground will cause tsunamis all around the globe i very much fucking assure you!!

[testifies]

I am literally laughing so hard my sides hurt, holy fucking shit.
The best bit is you're completely serious in thinking you can win.
Hahahahah.

[thighstraps]

Last i checked smartmouth humans dont have multiple arms to cheat with so my dander will not be up in the slightest but rather forcefully DOWN!
Just like ANY hopes you are entertaining about schooling me in the art of scrummage! I will make you bleed *i swear*.
Come at me bro.

[testifies]

Oh stop, you're making me blush with all that talk right there.

[thighstraps]

The first thing im going to do is lay waste to you!

[testifies]

Fucking hell I can't tell if you're doing this on purpose or not.
Hahahahahah.

[thighstraps]

God dammit strider!!!

[testifies]

I just bet your internet history is an adventure old chap.
Hahahah.