dear_mun | Of all the things to complain about...

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canon: ms paint adventures

Of all the things to complain about...

you knoww there sure are a fuckton a AUs all ovver this place
an i mean it isnt evven JUST for my canon but like for fuckin evverythin as wwell it may as wwell go dowwn some kinda route wwhere wwere practically swwimmin in aus an all us ou characters are a fuckin minority
an at that point wwell be inferior or somethin an wwiped out
so im wwonderin
wwhy the fuck havve you not made some kind a au for me
it could be some kind a swweet tale in wwhich i cull all the land dwwellers an get all the bitches
but im like no fuck you all my quadrants are reservved
an despite the fact i wwouldnt be so pick an choosey like SOME trolls id still say it
just to keep em in line
its bein hard to get or some shit i dunno
in any case id fuckin consider it if i wwere you

[...]

wwhat the fuck i am not biased

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[Oh fuck.

If you're watching this non-evaporated Dualscar, Eridan is totally worried.]

oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck
dualscar...?

[Looking around, totally dropping his guard, etc.]

_{[ Somewhere within the non-descript setting of D_M, Orphaner is around, sure. Quick on his feet to pretty much appear behind Eridan and grab him by the shoulders, claws possibly pushing in a little bit too much.
He shifts, holding him steady to be sure he doesn't run away.. or anything. Who knows. Maybe Eridan liked being this close to Dualscar even when he was in a mood. ]}

WWWHERE DID--

_{[ ahem. ]}
WWhere did a wworthless grub like yourself obtain a wweapon like that?
Best be tellin' me, boy.
Me patience is vvery short.

[oh god what

This is the part where Eridan realizes he might pack more firepower and match Dualscar's aim, but physically the guy is just better than him in every single way.

Fuck, why is this worrisome kinda.]

someone i knoww made it for me
wwhy

_{[ He chuckles; a low, bellowing sort of laughter, on the brink of hysterics. A hand lifts from Eridan's shoulder and teases into his hair a bit.

Eridan, this is your ancestor being creepy.

It was hard for him to keep his shit together right now. Such a pitiful, little worm like Eridan having possession of such a powerful weapon, one more inferior than his, really didn't set well with him.
Perhaps he had underestimated Eridan, but his pride wasn't going to accept that so easily.

No matter what, he was going to find some sort of flaw with his descendent and never be satisfied with him.
He leans down and murmurs close to his ear. ]}

An wwhat sort a person wwould evven bother intrusting ye ta such a tool?
WWhat exactly havve you done wwith it so far?

[No...no, even this goes beyond his need for attention from his ancestor. He's partially scared and partially creeped the fuck out.

And maybe this is the part where he once again says the wrong thing. SURE HOPE DUALSCAR DIDN'T HAVE HIS OWN PROBLEMS WITH A YELLOWBLOODED PSIONIC.]

wwell uh
there wwas this yellowwblooded psionic fef wwas friends wwith wwho kept pissin me off an he wwas practically the reason she abandoned me
cause you knoww she preferred him ovver me so once he came into the picture she nevver spoke to me again
he beat me in a duel too wwhen i had the crosshairs an humiliated me in front a her
so once i got this wwe had a rematch an i fuckin demolished him
i didnt cull him though i just blinded him
may as wwell just let him livve out the rest a his days in complete sufferin right

_{[ He listens to the little story and relaxes his grip; actually lets go completely with a sigh forced through his nostrils.
Come on, you expect him to hurt his descendent after that little sob story? If Eridan hadn't sounded so sincere there, maybe hide the fear in his voice, Dualscar might have been a bit more aggressive; snap the runts neck and make off with that wandkind for himself. But this was sort of hard.
Especially when he can relate in a way. Sure, merciless and brutal, but it was really hard to live up to that title when conversing with somebody who is basically a miniature of himself. Had Orphaner been more self loathing, just maybe; but he was too prideful for that.

And so he eventually just sits down a few feet from Eridan to calm himself a little, glancing up at him as his facade wears off, once again sporting a poker face. ]}

So the only thing ye'vve been usin' that thing for is revvenge?

[There's an odd sense of relief once Dualscar releases him...he feels like he shouldn't feel that way, but considering his views on his ancestor, of course he's going to be wary of him. Fearful, even.

He could easily snap at any given time just like Eridan had...and he wouldn't want either of the two possible outcomes to ever happen.]

wwell initially
first thing i did
i mean i had other plans but they kind a
uh
are no longer possible if you catch my drift

_{[ He curls his knuckles and puts his chin on them, watching Eridan for awhile, contemplating as he analyses his boy.
Son-thing.
Whatever.

Actually, he doesn't exactly get it, but that's okay. He doesn't really care. He knew that if he had something like that, he would use it for revenge too.

Here's an interesting thought he pries into next, which is sort of surprising. ]}

This Fef lass.
I awwfully hear a lot about her.
An I get she is the heiress ta be. I understand that.
An I understand howw she broke yer heart, glub glub, etc.

Howwevver, I'vve nevver actually been told wwho she is exactly.
Tell me about her.

_{[ oh sure he can ask about Feferi but you cannot ask him about her ancestor. NOPE.
In any case, he has reasons, but since we're supposed to find out secrets about him, he's supposed to be all vague.
And mysterious.
And shit.

yeah i know how to roleplay this. ]}

uh

[He's trying to think of what to say...specifically, that might interest Dualscar or something?]

shes
great
i mean
really just

[Pause. God, what to say?]

shes not exactly wwhat youd expect from an empress to be admittedly
i mean she kind a wwants to do a major ovverhaul a troll society an change the wway things are
so the useless trolls still havve a place in society

[He realizes too soon that this sounds awful, and he immediately cuts into what he's saying.]

but theres nothin wwrong wwith her
at all
shes great
the best fuckin troll i havve evver knowwn
she puts up wwith evveryones shit no matter howw inane it is or no matter howw much a it is total bullshit
an shes encouragin an optimistic an really really excitable about evverythin
she just has all a this passion for life an its not like anythin id evver seen before
shes carefree an has a fantastic sense a humor
an despite howw untroll like she might seem shes really strong an independent too
shell take a fuckin stand if others try anythin wwhen shes around
she can stand up for herself wwithout forgettin wwho she is an wwhat she wwants to achievve
an its
its admirable i guess bein that wway in a place like alternia
since most trolls just hide evverythin so they dont risk lookin wweak
i really
i really just

[Oh, whoops, did he go on a bit more than he should have? Admittedly he's really embarrassed by how hopelessly smitten he probably looks...

So he'll just...

look away. Rubbing the back of his neck out of shame.]

i uh
yeah
if thats not wwhat you wwanted to knoww i guess
sorry

_{[ oh what. He wasn't exactly okay with getting rid of the caste system, so he just sneers slightly.
But upon hearing him go on and on about this troll, a part of him really wants to just vomit.

Then again, similar sort of feelings were what he felt for Feferi's ancestor. He wasn't going to admit he was hopelessly smitten as well. Though, not as forward as Eridan. He kept his infatuation quite the secret, releasing his hopeless romantic endeavors on paper rather than actively pursuing the Empress straight up front. She wasn't the easiest to speak to in person, and she sort of scared the shit out of him, tbh.

And so, Dualscar had stowed away somewhere, and hopefully forever sunken at the bottom of the ocean or something in Eridan's time, notes and notes and notes of horrible poetry; sort of like.. creepy stalker writings about her that he had hoped nobody would ever come across.

It's okay. Mindfang had her own trove of hate, filled with hate poems and writings.

In fact, Dualscar was also working on some quadrant filling love advice book (not exactly sure WHY, considering he was horrible at all of it), that he wanted to publish under another name.
But as of now, it is unfinished.

It would go something like this:
Key to Your Quadrants: Blackrom & Redrom Advice. By yours truly and expert adviser, Capt. Orphy Unoscar.
He knew the name he went under would be absolutely perfect. Nobody would know a thing.

But for now, he just lifts a brow. ]}

An explain ta me again wwhy she isn't yers again?

she got really sick of me
and abandoned me
shes also dead noww

_{[ welp. ]}

An howw did she actually die?

[Wincing as he speaks.]

i uh
culled her

_{[ JUST THIS FACE AGAIN..... ]}

[Back to square one, Orphy.

...no, wait.]

i didnt mean it to end that wway
it just sort a
happened
you knoww

_{[ HEAVES.
A SIGH.

then pats the seat next to him.
what are you going to do now.

risk bonding time with your unpredictable, high tempered ancestor.
or run away. ]}

[Neither seems favorable, so...

may as well accept the offer and take the seat. Though he just sort've...looks at him, after he sits down.

Seriously what is going on now.]

I suppose there were times I wanted ta lose me owwn temper an
Cull, as ye keep sayin'
Certain people I lovved.

So
I get it.

Cannae be doin' that though, lad.
Yer not goin' ta be happy that way.

_{[ ITS MORE WORDS OF WISEDOM WITH DUALSCAR.
but no shit sherlock. ]}

yeah i knoww
its evvery little fuckin thing gets to me you knoww
i mean im nevver gonna be as good as you probably wwere dealin wwith it
not alone anywway if someone pisses me off that much there isnt much that can change my mind until its all ovver

[Now, he could say WELL I DO HAVE A MOIRAIL SO IT'S OKAY but...well, he's a human.

Dualscar would more than likely actually cull his descendent here if he found out...or at least Eridan assumes so. So he'll shut up about it.

Hell, despite how much he does like the guy he's in the pale quadrant with, some days even he loathes himself to unbearable heights for it. But he deals with it, because he knows it's for the best, and it's nice to have a friend who genuinely wants to be with him. He wouldn't give it up even if Dualscar tried to make him, as hard as it would be to defy his hero.]

but uh
i guess i am tryin

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