Changes

[ochitashinigami]

Is it true? Are there going to be some changes?

I don't like where you've put me, or what we're doing. But... if this really does happen... then maybe...

Then maybe things will be all right after all.

Comments

[ochitashinigami]

[He laughs a little, masculine and low. Placing his finger under Alan's chin, he tips his face up to him.]

What do you mean?

[amongthethorns]

[He tips his head peering up at him. He's going to have to isn't he? Very well then.]

If I had told you when I was still at the risk of dying that I-

[He trails off and fidgets a bit a nervous little sound escaping him before he continued softly.]

- cared you'd have only been hurt more when my end came.

[ochitashinigami]

[I'm not going to let the end come. No matter what it takes, it won't come. And if it does, I will follow you.]

Your end won't come. [He corrects quickly.] Not where we're going. And besides, regret is worse, don't you think?

[amongthethorns]

Then I'm not afraid.

[And he can do what he's been longing to for ages it seems.]

I don't regret much but in the interest in making sure I never do. Eric, it's my turn to tell you something.

[And he grips his tie, leaning up just a bit so that his lips can brush the other's ear.]

I love you.

[It's a quiet confession, the barest of whispers. It doesn't matter that when they meet again in that place Eric won't know. He knows here and for the moment that's enough.]

[ochitashinigami]

[Eric's breath hitches as Alan comes in close. He almost feels anxious as he takes the tie and pulls him in. He swallows, and moistens his lips with this tongue.]

I... [He clears his throat.]

I love you. I always have.

[amongthethorns]

Seems like I wasn't the only one risking regret.

[There's a tone of delight in his voice, joy resounding in his tone. Alan lets his arms find their way around Eric's neck as he presses close.]

You should have told me sooner but as long as you told me at all I'm glad.

[ochitashinigami]

How could I tell you when I... When I was afraid of losing you.

I... I'm not strong like you are, Alan.

[But the joy in Alan's voice, and the feel of his body in his arms is having an effect on Eric. He wraps his arms around the small of Alan's back and presses him close.]

[amongthethorns]

That's why I didn't tell you at first either. I didn't want to say anything and then leave you alone. I didn't want to hurt you more than it already would.

[He laughs, breathlessly. He gives a shake of his head, tightening his hold on Eric.]

I'm really not all that strong. I have fears too.

[ochitashinigami]

Bravery isn't the lack of fears, it's being who you are in spite of them. And you... you comfort the dying. I never could. Because, I know they are doomed. But... but you...

[amongthethorns]

It's not hard to do those things when I'm on the same path as they are. Besides, I think dying is frightening enough - facing that alone I can't imagine that.

They need the comfort. I would want the same. I can't stop it even if there are times I ache to just keep them from it. All I can do is be a hand to hold in the end, a warm presence to usher them on with a smile as if I was a friend.

[ochitashinigami]

That's why I love you. That's why I'll always love you.

And... [He swallows, not able to go on.]

[amongthethorns]

E-Eric...

[He frowns, only to gather him closer.]

Please don't be sad. I can't stand the thought of being you sad.

[ochitashinigami]

I won't loose you. I won't let you die. But... should it ever happen.

You... you won't be alone.

[amongthethorns]

Eric, there isn't anything you can do. I know you mean well and it's comforting to know but you can't stop it.

[He stared up at him his eyes narrowing; anger bubbling up.]

Don't you dare. Don't you say something like that. If you were to do that I don't think I could ever forgive you.

[Even if it was the most romantic thing he'd ever heard of. He just couldn't see Eric dying. It made him hurt in a way that was so much worse than anything his illness could do.]

[ochitashinigami]

[Eric changes his story, to try and comfort him.]

I just meant that, you won't be alone. I'll do for you what you do for them.

[And then, I'll follow you.]

[amongthethorns]

[Alan smiles. He knows that's not the exact truth but for now he'll let it go.]

Thank you for doing that for me. I know how hard it will be for you - if that times comes. But I'm glad it'll be you. I wouldn't want anyone else.

[He swallows blinking back tears.]

[ochitashinigami]

[Eric winces, holding him tighter.]

It won't happen. I won't let it.

[amongthethorns]

[Holds on to him, toying with his shirt - it won't take him long to calm down being held like this.]

I know. You're stubborn enough to do everything you can. I'd do the same for you.

[The exactly same - no matter the cost. He'd want to keep Eric with him as long as possible.]

[ochitashinigami]

[This makes Eric shiver. He swallows hard, holding him a little tighter. The thought of Alan corrupting himself, sinning the way he is sinning.]

No, Alan. Not like me.

[amongthethorns]

[His forehead comes to rest against his chest, his lips twitching slightly.]

You couldn't stop me if you wanted to. If you're doing to for me why shouldn't I be able to do it for you?

[A soft sigh before he draws back to look up at him.]

Eric, you can't expect me to just sit there if something were to happen to you. If our roles were reversed, I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I didn't do everything I could.

[ochitashinigami]

[Alan doesn't know... He tells himself that Alan doesn't understand what he's saying. He lets it go.]

But this is pointless! I'm fine! Nothing is going to happen.

[He forces his cool attitude, and leans down, this time kissing Alan on the tip of his nose.]

[amongthethorns]

And I'm glad for that. You have no idea how much.

[He smiles only to go cross-eyed as Eric kisses his nose. He laughs softly his eyes closing after a moment.]

You always know the right thing to do to make things better. You're so cool.

[ochitashinigami]

Ah, it's good to be cool. We all need to do it sometime.

[amongthethorns]

I could never be as cool as you. Besides, I don't think I could handle more than one Eric. One and only one is the perfect number I think, it makes you special.

[ochitashinigami]

No, you don't need another one of me. Besides, I'd be jealous.