dear_mun | Changes

If you don't like what you're doing then why are you doing it?

[Have a nervous, concerned smile. He worries about you, Eric.]

I've never known you to do anything against your will.

[Fidgeting slightly, his hands smoothing at his suit.]

Are they good changes at least?

Alan!

[Eric rushes over, taking his Alan's shoulders in his hands. Joy and relief clear on his face. Then, he freezes, awkwardly before he pulls Alan into an all-out hug. But, he stays with his hands on the other man's shoulders.]

I... um... it's good to see you. It's my mundane. She's got me in... all sorts of strange place. And yes... it's a... very good change.

[The change is you, Alan. How about that!]

Y-yes?

[And now he's even more worried but seeing the look on Eric's face he'll let it go. Obviously, Eric has been dealing with something. That hug surprises him and he stiffens slightly before hugging him back, his arms slipping around Eric's waist.]

It's good to see you, too. I'm really glad to see you.

[He smiles drawing back a bit, grinning somewhat impishly.]

I'll be coming to join you - hopefully, my mundane says she'll do her best. I hope you won't mind.

I'm glad you're here. I... I'm not worth much without you, it seems. And I'm torn between wanting to see you wand wanting you safe.

That's not true at all! Don't talk about yourself like that.

[He'll shake his head at Eric.]

You can't protect me from everything. Isn't it better I join you rather than being someplace alone?

[Eric gives a sad smile, and pinches Alan's chin.]

You're much too stubborn for me to protect from everything. And yes, I suppose it's better than you being alone.

And yes, it is true.

[Alan rolls his eyes slightly, heaving a sigh.]

I'm not a push over, Eric. I can protect myself to some degree. Not that you won't still try or that I'm not grateful that you feel the need to look after me.

[Actually, it that's one of the things he likes about you - that hidden heart of gold you have.]

No it isn't. You were wonderful before you ever met me and you'll be that way regardless of where I might be.

[His hands move, fussing with Eric's tie it's a force of habit by now.]

Don't sell yourself short. Besides everything I know I learned from you.

[Eric just listens and watches; his voice, and his hands on his tie. Eric just seems to be drinking Alan's presence in.]

I'm glad you're here. And no, there's a lot you knew before you ever met me. Alan... I've got something to tell you...

[How do you honestly get your tie so wrinkled? He'll huff softly then blink peering up at him, his head tilting to the side.]

I still learned so much from you. Let's not fight over something like that.

[Once he's done at getting those wrinkles out and straightening Eric's tie he'll lower his gloved hands back to his sides.]

So then tell me.

[And he's smiling, after all he likes when Eric confides in him like this.]

A fight? Never.

[He laughs a little, just letting him fret. Eric couldn't care less about his tie, but he likes watching Alan fix it.]

I don't know exactly how it in works, but I'm in many places at once. This is the only place I know all of them. When I'm in each place, that's the only place I know of.

It will be the same for you. I can tell you something here, but once you join me, neither of us will remember I told you but...

Alan... where you're going... where you're going, we can't die.

That sounds confusing, extremely so. It's not a bad thing is it? I mean what if you found out something horrible here? You wouldn't want to remember.

[Always he's trying to put things into a positive light but especially when he knows it's something that is bothering Eric.]

I don't mind forgetting a little bit.

[Wait what...]

Do you mean that if something were to happen there I wouldn't-

[It's unheard of and he's sure that's pretty much impossible. But his hand rests lightly against his on chest, he knows what this could mean even if he'll forget it. He just doesn't know how to feel about it.]

Once we meet there and meet back here, you'll see what I mean. Sorry to confuse you.

[Eric gives his pravado smile, then softens when he sees Alan rest his hand. Eric reaches over, and covers Alan's hand with his own.]

Is something the matter?

I'm sure I'll figure it out. I'm not worried too much.

[He blinks, smiling one of those shy smiles. Eric always did worry about him.]

No, of course not.

[He turns his hand gripping Eric's gently. He really shouldn't make Eric worry so much. He did try not to but he knew the other always would regardless.]

Please don't worry so needlessly.

I'm not worried needlessly. You're ill. That worries me. But... if you can't die... I mean...

[He shifts awkwardly. They don't talk about the terminal nature of Alan's illness much, but it's always the elephant in the room."

Eric...

[He sighs softly giving his hand a squeeze. That's because of the look Eric gets on his face, the last thing he wants to do is to make Eric sad. Their time together should be happy especially seeing it was limited.]

If I can't then that's one less worry to have but that doesn't mean the attacks will stop, Eric.

And I hate seeing you in pain. But... but you'll live.

[He'll smile.]

It's not like I'd want to die if I had a choice. You know that. You also know there isn't a cure for it... not a real one.

[But he's glad he doesn't have to leave Eric just yet. That would have been his biggest regret.]

Well, maybe. But this way, no matter what, you won't loose your life.

My life is that important to you?

[He knew they were close but this seems to be a bit more than that and it makes his heart race.]

Then this is a very good thing. Now you won't have to worry so much about me. Not that you'll ever stop entirely.

Of course. You're m-..... my best friend.

[But his expression says what his words hold back.]

Eric-

[He goes quiet his expression gentle. He never thought about it - well at least not too hard or seriously but that made sense.]

You're mine, too.

[Not you're my best friend, that's not what he's saying at all. Now that there's no threat of death he can say this. Maybe they'll forget and maybe he'll never have the courage again but at least once he's going to tell Eric.

Just once he's going to know that he's the most important thing, everything, the center of Alan's world. He can't say it not in so many words but he knows Eric understands what he means; he always has.]

[They've known each other for a long time. He can read Alan, and see it. Yes, maybe one day they'll say everything. But, for now, this is what they have.

Still, overcome with Alan's soft expression, Eric leans forward, smooths Alan's bangs, and kisses him on the forehead.]]

[His eyes drift closed and he leans into Eric, settling against his chest. His fingers fist in the blazer, holding tightly to the fabric. This was familiar, he's used to Eric doing something like this when he's sick.

His lips twitch slightly, curling into a broad happy smile. He's the perfect height for it. He leans in nuzzling against his neck. It's forward and he's invading Eric's personal space in a way he hasn't before at least not intentionally or consciously.]

[Eric holds him close, stroking the back of his head. It frightens him a little, how small Alan's body feels against his. He seems so fragile.]

[Alan is content like this. With those fingers toying with his hair, the arms settled around him and having the warmth that was Eric so close it was enough for him. Alan smoothed his hands over Eric's chest then up to his shoulders, gripping at them gently.]

It is a pity we have to forget this but it has always been there hasn't it?

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