Changes

[ochitashinigami]

Is it true? Are there going to be some changes?

I don't like where you've put me, or what we're doing. But... if this really does happen... then maybe...

Then maybe things will be all right after all.

Comments

[ochitashinigami]

Bravery isn't the lack of fears, it's being who you are in spite of them. And you... you comfort the dying. I never could. Because, I know they are doomed. But... but you...

[amongthethorns]

It's not hard to do those things when I'm on the same path as they are. Besides, I think dying is frightening enough - facing that alone I can't imagine that.

They need the comfort. I would want the same. I can't stop it even if there are times I ache to just keep them from it. All I can do is be a hand to hold in the end, a warm presence to usher them on with a smile as if I was a friend.

[ochitashinigami]

That's why I love you. That's why I'll always love you.

And... [He swallows, not able to go on.]

[amongthethorns]

E-Eric...

[He frowns, only to gather him closer.]

Please don't be sad. I can't stand the thought of being you sad.

[ochitashinigami]

I won't loose you. I won't let you die. But... should it ever happen.

You... you won't be alone.

[amongthethorns]

Eric, there isn't anything you can do. I know you mean well and it's comforting to know but you can't stop it.

[He stared up at him his eyes narrowing; anger bubbling up.]

Don't you dare. Don't you say something like that. If you were to do that I don't think I could ever forgive you.

[Even if it was the most romantic thing he'd ever heard of. He just couldn't see Eric dying. It made him hurt in a way that was so much worse than anything his illness could do.]

[ochitashinigami]

[Eric changes his story, to try and comfort him.]

I just meant that, you won't be alone. I'll do for you what you do for them.

[And then, I'll follow you.]

[amongthethorns]

[Alan smiles. He knows that's not the exact truth but for now he'll let it go.]

Thank you for doing that for me. I know how hard it will be for you - if that times comes. But I'm glad it'll be you. I wouldn't want anyone else.

[He swallows blinking back tears.]

[ochitashinigami]

[Eric winces, holding him tighter.]

It won't happen. I won't let it.

[amongthethorns]

[Holds on to him, toying with his shirt - it won't take him long to calm down being held like this.]

I know. You're stubborn enough to do everything you can. I'd do the same for you.

[The exactly same - no matter the cost. He'd want to keep Eric with him as long as possible.]

[ochitashinigami]

[This makes Eric shiver. He swallows hard, holding him a little tighter. The thought of Alan corrupting himself, sinning the way he is sinning.]

No, Alan. Not like me.

[amongthethorns]

[His forehead comes to rest against his chest, his lips twitching slightly.]

You couldn't stop me if you wanted to. If you're doing to for me why shouldn't I be able to do it for you?

[A soft sigh before he draws back to look up at him.]

Eric, you can't expect me to just sit there if something were to happen to you. If our roles were reversed, I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I didn't do everything I could.

[ochitashinigami]

[Alan doesn't know... He tells himself that Alan doesn't understand what he's saying. He lets it go.]

But this is pointless! I'm fine! Nothing is going to happen.

[He forces his cool attitude, and leans down, this time kissing Alan on the tip of his nose.]

[amongthethorns]

And I'm glad for that. You have no idea how much.

[He smiles only to go cross-eyed as Eric kisses his nose. He laughs softly his eyes closing after a moment.]

You always know the right thing to do to make things better. You're so cool.

[ochitashinigami]

Ah, it's good to be cool. We all need to do it sometime.

[amongthethorns]

I could never be as cool as you. Besides, I don't think I could handle more than one Eric. One and only one is the perfect number I think, it makes you special.

[ochitashinigami]

No, you don't need another one of me. Besides, I'd be jealous.

[amongthethorns]

Of your clone?

[What a funny thought. But Eric is right more than one of either of them would be a problem. He can understand jealousy; he's felt it, but surely Eric knew better than to think he's replaceable.]

I don't see why you'd be jealous. You'd always be the original wouldn't you?

[ochitashinigami]

If you say I am. But, how would you tell the difference? The other me might be jealous too, and try to trick you.

[Eric's quite happy to tease Alan, and go along with the joke.]

[amongthethorns]

[He'll frown a bit and cross his arm over his chest tapping fingertips against his chin. He has to think on this a minute or two.]

Well, he might look like you but he wouldn't have the same memories. I'd just ask him something only the real you would know.

[ochitashinigami]

Like what? [Eric's still chuckling.]

[amongthethorns]

Something not so obvious. Anything we've learned about each other over the years would work or some of the more useless things like the meanings of flowers I've babbled about over the years.

[ochitashinigami]

You mean, like that time I kissed you at the office party, then pretended to be drunk and said I thought you were someone else?

[amongthethorns]

I---

[He stared up at Eric. He remembered that and there was this strange feeling in his chest again, pleasant but strange Eric always caused it. He reached and adjusted his glasses.]

That would a good one yes. Not just anyone would know that.

[His lips twitched lightly, into a smile.]

Pretended to be drunk? How many times have you done that exactly?

[ochitashinigami]

As often as I can?