dear_mun | (no subject)

You say that like it's a bad thing. I'm perfectly healthy.

[Technically.]

I'm glad to see you too. Also? Don't try to kill me.

The peak of human condition, I'm sure.

[Totally placating here.]

And why would I kill you? [Pause.] ...well, I suppose it depends on what version of you we're talking about.

[But really, he could never hurt Tony. Any Tony.]

I'm willing to settle for "could be worse." But thanks for the vote of confidence.

[Okay, see, this is where you get both eyebrows raised. Why would he do that? Seriously?]

Can I get whatever prescription you're using? Just saying, because it's working wonders.

[A small laugh.]

Deep jazz, yoga and bongo drums. And sometimes a dash of weed.

[Small grin.]

It definitely works wonders.

And if that really worked, I would sign up half the country on principle.

And take two myself.

[On principle.]

What makes you think one version is better than another?

Well, it was worth a shot.

[Another smile.]

I never said it was. Just have to be prepared on what to expect, you know?

[Since apparently things change between universes so who knows what will come, really.]

[He echoes the smile pleasantly, because Bruce is being pleasant.]

That was a serious question.

I would never hurt you.

[Here, have a serious answer.]

Any of you.

You're really going for sainthood, aren't you?

Aren't saints martyred a lot of the time?

I'm pretty sure impaling me wouldn't be a good idea. Or any attempt to kill me in general.

No, I'm pretty sure that wouldn't do anything but cause more problems.

And that wasn't part of the plan.

What was the plan, then?

[...and what plan are we talking about anyway...]

No- I wasn't-

That was just a general statement.

[That plan was not for you, Bruce. Now he feels bad.]

My point is, I'm not going to try anything.

Oh.

[Why does he feel like this is something he shouldn't know...]

Well, I suppose I couldn't blame you if you did. I'm sure many have labelled me as a natural disaster.

[Wry smile.]

[Oh, Bruce, no.]

Don't say that.

I'm only stating the truth.

[Not one that he likes himself, but it is one all the same.]

Why?

If someone's coming at me with a sledgehammer, friend or not, I'm going to hit them first.

Precisely my point.

[A grin, but it doesn't quite reach his eyes.]

[Oh, wow, Stark. Can't you for once just shut up?]

...I didn't mean that.

No, it's fine. Anyone would do the same.

No, they wouldn't.

Look, it's... I shouldn't have said that. Not to you.

[But you already did...]

And I'm not angry about it, so don't worry about it. We're cool, as they say.

That's not what I'm worried about.

[Meh.] Okay, yes, that's partially it, but not all of it.

I'm trying- I'm trying to say...

What are you trying to say?

[Very, very patiently. No need to rush, Tony, Bruce will be here to listen as long as you want him to?]

[It takes a good two minutes for Tony to pull the words together.]

I...

I'm sorry.