on account creation | homeless

[literallythebestusername]

Mun--

You don't have a last name and I don't know how to feel about that. But this is literally the most flattered I have ever been.

I am honored. I am touched. I am determined to make you proud.

Now, let's go for a run and come up with a list of things you can do with this account. Running increases your heart rate which improves your blood flow which stimulates your creativity.


As does ginkgo biloba.




And Vitamin B.

Comments

[annoyed]

[April's lip curls.]

Muns don't exercise. Their butts are like, permanently glued to their desk chairs.

Why don't you run double the laps for both you and her?

[literallythebestusername]

April Ludgate!

You know I already run double the laps for myself. The laps set by myself. For myself.

You can never beat your own record and that is the best motivation.

[annoyed]

I dunno, Chris. Never beating your own record sounds like failure to me.

[assistanting]

Oh my god, it's Chris Traeger feeling touched. I've never seen that before.

[literallythebestusername]

April Ludgate!

You are, as always, a delight. [And only Chris, and maybe Andy, could call April that with complete sincerity.]

[assistanting]

You too, Chris Traeger. So how does it feel to have literally the best user name ever? I bet it feels great.

[highstakeslegos]

Ah, yes, jean- ginnykuh-- Who's Ginko Balboa?

omg I just died of happy. I adore nick

[literallythebestusername]

Ginkgo Biloba is a medicial supplement, used to promote blood flow, central nervous disorders, and--most notably--for a memory and concentration enhancer. The leaves come from the beautiful Ginko tree, native to Asia.

Chris Traeger, thrilled to meet you. And you are?

most positive person int he world, meet the most negative?

[highstakeslegos]

[ creeped out that he seems to have now met what would happen if jess and schmidt had a baby. ]

Nick Miller. Bartender. [ as soon as he says it he wonders why he says it. but the guy's in a suit! and looks impressive! so obviously nick should undermine himself immediately and rip the failure band-aid right off. ] You know I've probably had that stuff. Hidden in my cereal like dog medicine but I have been concentrating better recently.

[aggressiveapathy]

[Because Chris brings all the Aprils to the yard.]

Wow. You're like a wizard that can only use magic to summon married assistants.

[literallythebestusername]

April Ludgate!

If being handsome, charismatic, and an excellent example of adult male health makes me a wizard, then yes.

Just call me Harry Trotter.

[Pause.]

Although Smooth Runner would be much more accurate. I actually have very little body hair and I prefer to skip past trotting, straight into a gallop.

[aggressiveapathy]

Thanks. The status update of your unfuzzy landing strip is what I'm here for.

[hexappeal]

What are your thoughts on pilates, though?

[literallythebestusername]

Chris Traeger. And pilates is literally my third favorite indoor body conditioning technique!

[hexappeal]

Zatanna Zatara. And what are your other two? Assuming yoga and meditation are permanent fixtures.

[viced]

Wow. Running? Really?

[literallythebestusername]

It is literally the greatest thing in the world.

Chris Traeger! And who are you? Other than a friend I haven't met yet?

[viced]

It is literally fucking torture. [ A beat. ] Mitchell Hundred, a much more out of shape breed of, I assume, the same species.

[calzonezone]

Running is great, really, but I think the whole point of this hobby is to sit.

[literallythebestusername]

Ben Wyatt!

Running is great, isn't it? Sitting is not great. Sitting slows your metabolism, it encourages lethargy, and slows your blood flow. Even when I'm sitting, I try to excercise in some way.

Do you ever try flexing your gluteal muscles while sitting? Buns of steel, my friend.

[beautifulspinster]

And what is ginkgo biloba, exactly? I feel like I should be warning your mun a little preemptively.

[literallythebestusername]

Ann Perkins!

Ginkgo Biloba is a medicial supplement, used to promote blood flow, central nervous disorders, and--most notably--for a memory and concentration enhancer. The leaves come from the beautiful Ginko tree, native to Asia.

[nerdgeist]

[ That is a reception. Ben was picked up and he just nodded. No post. No pomp. No circumstance. His only request was to find Leslie. But this, this is gratitude. ]

I feel ungrateful.

[literallythebestusername]

Ben Wyatt!

You are the opposite of ungrateful. You are great.

[Pause.]

I'm aware that great is not the opposite of ungrateful, but you see what I did there?

[extemporaneousness]

And I thought I was a fast talker. You have a lot of energy, my friend. Is it all the ginkgo biloba? It's the running, isn't it?