birthday boy wants presents ~

[dealwith_them]

STFU, don't try pull out numbers on me.

You know what they say, doll. Men ripen like alcohol. The older, the better the fucking. Experience and all that shit.

So. Best present this year? A high class hooker. And she better look a-fucking-lot like this. With straw and coke and all. Fucking yum. Don't you just want to fucking eat that? Beats a cake.

Better start working on that, like right now. I'm so horny I'm gonna fucking die.

LOL, I'd rather die fucking.

Comments

[population_ctrl]

Door number three. But special.

[dealwith_them]

Oooh. You are the fucking best, bro. How the fuck did you manage?

[population_ctrl]

Just told you, I put it in a box.

[dealwith_them]

Don't fucking mess with me, JL. Fuck this shit, I wanna know!

[population_ctrl]

It's a gift, Marcel. I can't just tell you.

[dealwith_them]

[Okay. Fine. He cracks his knuckles.]

Don't fucking be like that, JL. I'm gonna beat your head in.

[population_ctrl]

One clue - she's not carrying drugs.

[dealwith_them]

Gotta be dead.

[population_ctrl]

Oh no.

[dealwith_them]

So, you at least didn't get me a dead hooker.

[population_ctrl]

I wouldn't do something like that. Come on, use your imagination.

[dealwith_them]

Too busy fantasizing about fucking Lucretia in the arse. Just tell me already, you fucking... arsehole.

[population_ctrl]

... she doesn't do that.

[dealwith_them]

What the fuck would you know? You don't do that.

[population_ctrl]

Because I'm not a freak.

[dealwith_them]

Because you're missing out on all the fucking fun.

[population_ctrl]

When I'm not sending it to you, right? Go find it and get back to me.

[dealwith_them]

Who did you give it to? We need a fucking chat.

[population_ctrl]

Try Herz. For starters.

[dealwith_them]

... You trusted Herz with something? What are you, fucking stupid?

[population_ctrl]

I said for starters.

[dealwith_them]

Who else do I have to fucking torture?

[population_ctrl]

... that's the question.

[dealwith_them]

Great. You don't know. Fuck me, happy birthday.

[population_ctrl]

It's not my fault your contacts are useless!