dear_mun | Grantaire, put the bottle down

[The mere entrance of this man perks the drunk up visibly]

It is I.

[OOC: FYI He's novel!Enjolras and his canon point is well... his death so... yeah. He's also operating under the assumption that he's in some kind of purgatory.]

I didn't think you were here.

[He keeps his chin up and his shoulders back, but still can't bring himself to make eye contact.]

[OOC: Good to know your canon point! I was assuming yours was novel, so that's all very good to know. I'm working on getting a novel!voice here, but it's a work in progress. Please bear with me. R's canon point is roughly a couple hours before yours.]

[On the contrary, Grantaire's eyes are all for Enjolras.]

I'm always here.

[OOC: You're doing great. Glad we're both novel. LOL You get LM street cred for calling Grantaire "R" BTW]

I...

[For once in his life, Enjolras fights to find words.]

I don't know what to say. Forgive me.

[OOC: whoo! I have cred! Seriously, this makes my day.]

[Now it was Grantaire who takes his time to find words. He looks between the empty bottle in his hand and his venerated companion, completely unsure how to take the apology. Finally he decides he must still be in an alcoholic dream. Surely this was not the same Enjolras who dismissed him for shaming the barricade. These were words he would have given anything for]

It is not for the falcon to apologize to the frog. Forgiveness? A thing for lesser men than you.

I was a mouthpiece. The republic was what mattered. I was a means to call people to rise up and finally be free. It was never about me.

Why didn't you understand that?

I understood your words, better than you know, but it was the man I believed in. I would have followed no other.

[The others died for the revolution, for the cause. Grantaire died for him. It's not the same, and he cannot forgive Grantaire for putting that on his heart.]

You weren't one of us. It was never your place to be beside me.

[His tone is harder than he intended.]

[His expression softens with his eyes still fixed on Enjolras. The harsh tone was nothing if not familiar.]

I was never beside you. I was behind you or beneath your heel. It was enough.

No!

[Enjolras, for once in his life, visibly winces.]

[His back stiffens, and it's all he can to do stare at Enjolras. He's never seen a reaction quite like that before. He knew he was worth so little in the visionary's eyes, but it would never stop Grantaire from trying.]

[At long last, Enjolras looks up and meets the pair of eyes before his.]

Why?

[a pause]

I'm afraid I'll need the question with more context.

[OOC: Perms for Enjolras to tell Grantaire what happened?]

You were safe. Why did you do it?

[OOC: Permission granted!]

"Safe" is a relative sentiment. What is it I'm meant to have done this time?

You could have survived, but you joined me in my fate. Why did you do that?

[Grantaire glances to the bottle in his hand and for a moment consideres putting it down as he was often told. Instead, he thinks maybe he needs another.]

You cast me from the barricade so as not to disgrace it. How is it you think I joined you?

You' don't remember?

[This felt like a test. The pinnacle of sobriety asking the drunkard what he remembered. But since there was no way Enjolras would think less of him than he already did, Grantaire answer truthfully]

I do not. Whatever it is I've done, so long as you permit it, I will always join you. What is it I don't remember?

[If you permit it? He winces again.]

It was over. The barricade fell and we were taken. We fought to the last man as long as we could. The last man was me.

I fired until I ran out of bullets, and then I beat them with my carbine until I broke. When there was nothing else to be done, I let them take me with dignity.

A firing squad was formed. You were safe. But, you joined me. You stood by my side before them. I held your hand...

[He looks down, breathing roughly, then shakes his head hard.]

No, you were drunk. Of course you don't remember.

All dead?

[Grantaire hadn't put faith in the barricade, but it is still a shock to be told the fate of all of his friends... including the one standing in front of him. The weight of drunkenness had been slowly lifting as this conversation progressed, but now Grantaire's head seems to clear. He crosses to boldly lay a hand on Enjolras' shoulder.]

I do not know the reason why I do not know this, but believe me, if you never believe another word I say, it was not the drink. There is no amount of brandy that would ever have made me forget standing at your side.

[Enjolras takes his wrist and removes his hand.]

Why?

You were never one of ours.

[Thus chastised, he just lets his arms fall by his side]

Despite my lack of belief, I have always been counted among Les Amis. Whether or not you acknowledge me, I was their friend as well as yours.

That's why.

Grantaire... You asked me if I would permit it. I said yes, and took your hand. I thought we were finished. But now, finding myself here in... whatever this place is. Facing you again...

[Enjolras drops his eyes]

The others died for the same reason I did, to bring justice to the world. But you... YOU. You died for something else.

You died for me.

I can't carry that with me.

[Grantaire hadn't been liking the way this conversation was turning because he hadn't any intention of explaining himself to Enjolras. And how could he? It wasn't something Grantaire thought of. It was simply something that was. The whole process made Grantaire thirsty, but if he reached for more brandy, Enjolras would surely become even more cross with him that he was already.]

That weight isn't your burden to carry. They died for what they believed in. Apparently, so did I. [So says the skeptic.]

[He never lowers his eyes, gentle and pleading, from Enjolras]

You gave that much to me. Can I not have it?

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ouch, right in the feels

LOL He's good at that

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I need to make more icons....

LOL Me too, I only have a few

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