Grantaire, put the bottle down

[brandybreath]

[the token drunkard of Les Amis de l'ABC is, well, drunk. And very confused]

So.... Where am I?

Comments

[antinouswild]

I'm no God, I'm a man. I'm no better or worse than any other, and that includes you.

[Enjolras still doesn't understand. His alabaster brow knits, as if he's straining to understand.]

[brandybreath]

You miss my metaphor. You are no god, but you are not a mere man either. Your character became more than that, and Les Amis rallied around it like moths drawn to lamp light. For me, life was empty that when I first met you-- I doubt you remember the day-- I never wanted to be in the dark again after that. That is why I love you. Why I stay, even when I cannot fight for your cause. Without your conviction, the world becomes as dark as Dis.

[Having said this, Grantaire takes a step away from Enjolras, fearing his reaction, and gently presses to have his wrist freed.]

[antinouswild]

[Enjolras is again struck dumb, but he does not relinquish Grantaire's wrist.]

What?

[brandybreath]

[Trapped. Now what to do?]

I'm drunk. Perhaps I will be more clear at a later time.

[Or more drunk, which is equally likely.]

[antinouswild]

I know that you are not. You sobered up some time ago. Don't hide from me.

[brandybreath]

You have a strange definition of hiding, mon ami. You asked me why, and I have laid my soul bare. What more can I say?

[Again, he gently tries to free his wrist]

[antinouswild]

I know what you told me, that I was the flame that drew them like moths. It isn't true. If it is, then I am the one that let them burn. That cannot be.

[Nope, not getting your wrist back yet, R]

[brandybreath]

[He's trying to find a way to make Enjolras understand, but he feels as though he's making backward progress.]

You said it yourself. They died for the cause. I was the fool who died for you. You shouldn't assume guilt for men who acted of their own free will. The reason for your importance is not the reason for the others' fates.

[antinouswild]

[And there's a hint of a smile again.]

So we're at this part of the circle again.

Speak plain, then. If it were to die beside your comrade that is a noble thing. But I had discharged you of that post.

[brandybreath]

[Grantaire looks away, pointedly staring at the floor and far away from Enjolras who wouldn't release him to retreat properly]

Speak plain? I was not there are a comrade. I didn't want my friend to die alone. I didn't want to be alone after he was gone.

[There. He said it.]

[antinouswild]

[Enjolras drops his wrist, looking a little contrite.]

I was never a friend to you. I...

[And once again, he's struck dumb for a moment.]

Am I forgiven then?

[brandybreath]

[Hand finally free, Grantaire upends the bottle. When it is empty, he tosses it to smash somewhere out of sight. It wasn't enough.]

To me, you've done nothing in need of forgiveness. I was happy in your presence. That alone was enough for me.

[antinouswild]

And you still bewilder me.

I understand what you're saying but....

[brandybreath]

[Grantaire throws his arms up in a frustrated gesture]

You cannot. You and I are not the same caliber of man. How could I make you understand? Whatever slight you perceive, you are forgiven a thousand times over.

[antinouswild]

But it's not true. I was a vessel. Perhaps it was that I tried to convey more than I was capable. I do not know. I only know that I died for a cause, and you died for someone you love. Perhaps you are right. Perhaps you are a better man that I after all.

[brandybreath]

[Grantaire opens his mouth to speak but, failing this, closes it again. He tries this a few times, completely at a loss.]

You're wrong. There is no better man than you. You will not convince me otherwise. You can be stubborn; as can I.

[antinouswild]

We can go around forever because again I say I do not understand. You declare love for me, yet not for what I died for. And then you die for me. How am I to comprehend that?

[brandybreath]

You and I have never understood each other in all our time of acquaintance. It's not shocking that we still cannot, even with plain and honest words between us. Can we not simply accept that such a thing is true without the need for "why"? It happened for you. Is that not proof enough that it is? Your cause was necessary, even if I do not believe in it.

[antinouswild]

[Enjolras looks down at the floor and shakes his head. He looks almost amused.]

I could answer that, but it would just be more of the same.

There are a good many thing I don't understand, more so in this place, this will just be one of them.

The only thing left to say is that... in that moment... in that last moment...

I was glad that you were there.

[brandybreath]

[Grantaire frowns and also looks down, studying a spot on the floor.]

Thank you for permitting it. I'm glad I was, too.

[antinouswild]

My permission was the only thing I had to give. And a poor pittance indeed next to what you offered.

[brandybreath]

It may seem a pittance to you, but it was all I could have ever hoped for. You do me a great honor by it.

[antinouswild]

More things that I don't understand. [But he just shakes his head again.]

I was prepared, you know. I did not expect to ever leave that place.