Canon is Warrior U

[equinophobicbard]

You went out of your way to find a game with unicorns.

[His voice lowers to a dramatic whisper.]

What could I have possibly done to deserve this?

[Stay calm, Finn! Just stay calm...

...Yeah, that's not gonna happen.]

It's not fair! I finally killed him and you send me somewhere with more of those beasts?!  

Comments

[onebadapple]

Oh my! Now there's no need to be scared of unicorns!

[equinophobicbard]

No reason to be scared of unicorns? [Twitch.] No reason to be scared of unicorns?!

They're evil! Why else would they have those sharp, pointy horns on their heads?! One of them nearly killed me multiple times, you know!

[onebadapple]

Now you can't judge a whole kind based on one of them.

[equinophobicbard]

And why can't I--?!

[He suddenly stops, squinting at her for a moment.]

Wait a second. Aren't you my old neighbor? I thought Mother poisoned you?

[onebadapple]

I'm afraid I don't know who you are. But goodness! Your mother poisoned your neighbor?

[selfmadeprincess]

You're afraid of unicorns?

....You killed a unicorn!?

[equinophobicbard]

[He thinks he killed it, anyway. Little does he know, it's not that easy...]

It followed me around everywhere, waiting for opportunities to kill me! It was evil!

[selfmadeprincess]

You have problems.

[equinophobicbard]

I have problems?! I'm not the one that lives in a tacky little house decorated with the skulls of my victims!

Do you know who that is? Do you? That would be the unicorn!

[nihihihi]

What now about more unicorns?

[equinophobicbard]

[Oh god. You. What are you doing here?!]

You apparently missed some.

[nihihihi]

But I... I had to kill them! I complete the cycle! Without all of them dead...

Darn! Now I have to kill all of them before I can kill you.

[equinophobicbard]

...Yes! Go ahead and kill them! Please kill them!

And then let's forget about the part where I die, too.

[badcaseofhero]

Forget the unicorns, Finn! That place is full of witches! Witches and fairies! [these two have serious priorities]

Do you think the witches will listen to you because your mom is a witch? What if we get cursed?!

[equinophobicbard]

I can't forget the unicorns! And I thought you'd understand why by now!

The other witches don't usually get along all that well with Mother...

[What if we get cursed more like HOW OFTEN WILL WE GET CURSED? HOW LONG WILL IT BE BEFORE ONE OF US GETS CURSED?]

[badcaseofhero]

I'm pretty sure Hevvin was an exception. He did kill all those other unicorns... They're probably more afraid of you than you are of them.

Oh man, we're so screwed.

[^ yep]

[equinophobicbard]

[Giving Harv a look. You know he's scared of horses, Harv Even if they don't try to hurt him, they'd better stay far, far away!]

Well, at least I'll have you there with me.

[marearcana]

[Congratulations, you've offended the pony. It has words for you.]

I fail to see how that's a bad thing.

[equinophobicbard]

[Annnd Finn is officially freaking out now. Another one of those terrifying beasts...

He takes a deep breath and lets out a nervous laugh. He's gotta act as casual as possible, even if people say that horses can sense fear...]

Haha...hahaha...well, I can understand why you wouldn't get it, I suppose...

[marearcana]

[What really clues her in to that part is the breathing.]

Just slowly explain what happened. I want to help you.

[equinophobicbard]

And how exactly do you intend to help?

[Does help mean murder?! He's only known one unicorn and it was pretty obsessed with murdering him.]

[friendshipismurder]

Yeah Finn listen to the lady above!

Don't be afraid of unicorns!

[equinophobicbard]

[Oh god another one.

The universe must hate him.]

Oh! Hello Hevvin...[Nervous laugh.] Long time no see, huh?

[friendshipismurder]

It sure has!

[Just let him get...uncomfortably close, Finn.]

Say! We've got a lot to catch up on! So!

What've you been up to, Finn?

[equinophobicbard]

[Scooting away now...or trying to, anyway.

Where's Harv when needs him, god.]

Oh, you know the usual...

How's not being dead going for you?