(no subject)

[shaves]

Okay. No, okay, I can work with this. Whatever you've got planned when you actually plan it, I mean, which could take — what? How long? Whatever, all I want right now is a cheeseburger and for you to cool your jets just enough not to give yourself a migraine because you're as excitable as JARVIS with a new firewall to hack and I'm hungry, which is obviously the more important theme that we need to deal with. Look, I'm here. I'll take care of stuff. Check this out, right now, I'm leveling with you.

Relax, skippy.

You are so lucky to have me. I'm basically your Pepper, only more rugged and less inclined to ... wear booty short-shorts. Scrap that. Who am I kidding? You can't handle imagery of me in trunks, no one can. Although it's true hers get a lot tighter around the. General rear area. Yeah, this got derailed so fast and I'm not even sorry, can I get a sign saying I tap that? 

Where can a guy in metaland get his caffeine in-take around here? First one to pony up gets a blueberry.

Comments

hides in shame forever

[dated]

I'm going to go. Again.

no stay you precious thing

[shaves]

I think we need to have a talk about the birds and the bees. And the bees and the bees. And the birds and the birds.

hides in tony's hero briefs instead i guess!!

[dated]

I'm busy that day.

[ he will be busy all the days.

also wow he is not that clueless!! but somehow he has a feeling arguing that point is only going to make things worse here... ]

gosh it's a tight squeeze, NOT MUCH ROOM LEFT ...

[shaves]

You see, when two men love each other, or when one superhero gets the hots for another ...

lmfaosdkalsfjalschokes

[dated]

[ :|||||| ]

Don't you have some local property to be damaging?

[shaves]

What? Don't change the subject, we're having a moment here. Confess your feelings so I can gently cradle them to my bosom in awestruck wonder.

[dated]

[ EYEROLL OF EXTREME EXASPERATION pepper where are you he needs someone to commiserate with ]

As difficult as this might be for you to believe, Tony, not every human being on the planet has the hots for you.

[shaves]

Lies. Slander.

[dated]

Take a moment. Let it marinate.

[shaves]

But, Steve ... I love you. Can't we make babies?

[dated]

If I punch you in the face right now, would that be considered field training?

[shaves]

I have a lot of delicate emotions running through me right now, how can you say that? I am in legitimate love with you, Captain Steve Rogers. The way your hair is so parted, I'm just so giddy whenever I see that slice of scalp. And your big face like a moon staring at me, that's great. Just so good. You are brimming with the intentions of the saints.

Let's go into detail about your gams ...

[ Casually walking behind a table, welp. ]

[dated]

[ as if that puny table can save you, tony stark.

but. but fine! he's not rising up to any more baits, no sir. ]

Go on then. [ just as casually folding his arms across his chest. ] Enlighten me.

[shaves]

Uh.

[ Shit. Glancing askance before picking up the slack of his surprise, why isn't he dead yet ... oh yeah, he's Iron Man. No, this is backfiring, NO.

Gross, Steve, stahp. ]

They're fantastic. [ Getting revved up again, hoo yeah! ] Every time we go on a mission and I'm like, I'll cover the flank? I have reasons.

[dated]

Natasha will be disappointed. She'd wanted a valid reason to throttle you.

But thanks. I've been doing a lot of squats and lunges. Next time I'll be sure to flex. You could use the extra motivation, right? [ he spent most of his life being picked on and ribbed, tony. YOU THINK HE CAN'T PLAY ALONG? ]

[shaves]

[ 8(((( Now he just feels ill, bluh. SULKS. ]

You should be easier to psych-out than this, it's not fair.

[dated]

[ TEE HEE this is fun, now he sees why you enjoy it so much. ]

Should I go for the kill? Tell you what I wear under my suit?

[shaves]

I'll broadcast it to the press if you tell me.

[dated]

Or maybe I should just let you stew in it for a while. You're a naturally curious guy, after all. Your imagination's probably going to be a lot worse to you than the truth will ever be.

[shaves]

How does anyone live with calling you a national treasure?

[dated]

[ he winces. ]

Do people actually call me that...

[shaves]

You're not Captain Sassypants, that's for sure.

[dated]

[ yet another reason why he's thankful he doesn't really keep tabs on the media... at least the stories concerning them. ]

Kind of laying it on a bit thick.

[shaves]

You're named after the country. At which point did that not seem like laying it on thick, Steve?

[dated]

[ he rubs the back of his neck. ]

It was a pretty decent idea, at the time. National morale, and all that...