Holmes is expanding his vocabulary! \o/

[sherly_no_mates]

Madam—

Since you are incapable of registering discontent in any other form, let this note stand as my firm refusal to engage in any activity under that heinous term, 'Mpreg'.

Your grasp of anatomy alone beggars the bounds of incredulity. To think that I would be a willing accomplice—.

I will not accept female reproductive responsibilities, woman!

Comments

[no_gentleman]

That is revolting. Ugh, to think of a man getting pregnant. I certainly shouldn't go about with you anymore if you did find yourself in such a state.

[sherly_no_mates]

Bosie.

[Wonderful; your temper shall improve the lucidity of this subject. No matter.]

You needn't fear on that front, my good man, as I have no intention of permitting it. Nor possessed of the . . . capacity to develop such a condition.

[no_gentleman]

I should think not. Your writer must be a vindictive bitch, mustn't she? Proposing to take away one of the few natural advantages to being of our disposition.

[sherly_no_mates]

The male disposition, indeed, seems not to occur to her. Despite the correct allocation of organs or temperment. [Darkly; it's grotesquely absurd. And certaintly you must be referring only to the advantages of their sex and no other . . . disposition. If he won't acknowledge it, it can't be anything else.] The idea is ludicrous.

[no_gentleman]

[Come now, Holmes, it's not like you to be coy.]

It is entirely unnatural, is what it is. I expect you will get her in hand before she gets any other distasteful notions?

[sherly_no_mates]

[They're in public.]

Naturally. She may be stubborn at the moment but there's nothing to be done but press on. It's not be borne. A man of my position, of my physicality—! My work would suffer.

[Not to mention if it did occur, you stand at present the most likely co-contributer to the dilemna and that is--complicated.]

[no_gentleman]

[He's aware, yes, given that it seems doubtful that Holmes would go around sleeping with anyone else, given the current absence of his... eternal, preoccupying interest. The notion of fathering such an unnatural child is as disturbing as the concept itself.]

Not to mention the scandal.

[Although that's added more or less as an afterthought.]

They might wish to dissect you in the interests of science.

[sherly_no_mates]

[There is no eternal, preoccupying interest beyond his work. They are not discussing it because there is nothing to discuss.]

[Imperious handwave.] The gossip columns may have their fill or not. Public opinion shifts like the tides. It has done no harm to your intrepid spirit; it won't affect mine. [Smirking, but fondly: you're no stranger to scandal.]

The interests of science—mm, yes. It would be most fascinating as a case study. The adjustments to the body chemically would open a new venue of scientific exploration.

[no_gentleman]

[There may be something like a smirk hovering around Bosie's own perfect, rose-petal lips (Oscar's words, not his), but only something like one. He has a complex relationship to his own reputation for scandal; sometimes it's something to be quietly smug over, and sometimes he wishes it would bugger off and leave him the hell alone.]

[The sudden pique of scientific interest makes him roll his eyes, although the gesture isn't lacking in its own fondness. So predictable, Holmes. He quirks an eyebrow idly.]

Do you imagine the laws of science as you know them should even apply, in such an eventuality? It seems rather more... Classical to me. Swans and showers of gold and all the rest of it. Tiresias being transfigured into a woman and then back again.

[sherly_no_mates]

Tiresias. [Said as though that could be the name of some dastardly underground crime lord. Classical literature: it neither interests or concerns him.]

[Therefore, he's ignoring most of what Bosie said.] Science will always win out in the end. Were it to prove possible, it would require a scientific explanation, even one unknown at the time. Discovering it would open a new sphere of knowledge. A most fascinating experiment. [There's genuine pleasure ther. It would be worth undergoing the experience to learn how it worked.]

[no_gentleman]

[He does not appreciate your cavalier dismissal of the Greeks; he got his degree reading Classics, you know.]

[A sniff.]

You've changed your tune. And it only took five minutes, my.

[sherly_no_mates]

One must consider all the implications before passing judgment. [He knew it all along, that it would be acceptable in the name of science, if at no other time. Are you implying that he's mercurial? If so, he's not listening.] That's only reasonable. [And you are against it as an experiment. Now whose being irrational, Bosie?]

[no_gentleman]

Hm, well. [He makes a prim little sound in his throat, adjusting his tie.] If you intend to carry out your so very reasonable experiment, do find anyone who is not me to provide... the necessaries.

[sherly_no_mates]

[Ugh. You say that as though it is a legitimate consideration.] Don't be histrionic. It isn't happening. [Not with him. Not with you. Not at all. Period.]